So I'm back in school, I have three classes and one is online. It completely kills my plans to take a third on ground class and evening out my work week.I was originally planning on picking up my second job to help me move easier I will attain my Associates degree next quarter :). So next quarter I will be looking to finally transfer out of this damn place. I love Atlanta and my family and my roots being here. I need to leave tho...
I am ready in my mind to move away, i think. I believe I have pushed myself in the right direction with this whole plan of mine to move to another state. Its thrilling in both good and not so good ways. But I know thats exactly what I need tho, to run at full speed...
A bit more of good news, Its looking like they wont be laying me off. I'm not sure if I explained this but when I took my old job(from high school back) I signed a contract to work there for 5 months. I figured a job is better than no job. I took it and its paying okay I guess. I will say that I always kept that in the back of my mind to find a second job. Well as I explained earlier I am to get my associates degree in one quarter including this one. In order to graduate on time I need all 6 of my next classes for that to happen. I was only set up to have just two classes this term. I added on to make it 3 this quarter and 3 next quarter and be done right? So the two next classes i have to take in order but they are only online ARGGHH...
So this means I can not take the chance of working two jobs and having an online class at the same time as 2 on ground classes. To make it worse is the online class is the last half of the quarter, meanings its scheduled at the same time as mid-terms and finals along with final project and papers. So yeah my idea to have a second job got sliced. My job did however pick up a new account that would change my job from healthcare auditing to customer service for Wellcare the health insurance from Medicare, yeah government funded...
With that said a pay increase may come with it as of August 9th so if anything Lifes getting more interesting by the day...
As far as the home front goes my parents are around to the finalization of there divorce...Everything will be different come 9-29-2010...
My car runs better and better everyday :) love my fuckin car...it may not be the newer mustangs with more horses but she stands out on her own...lol
I've got another lonely weekend this weekend so look for posts...
-Hazey
Showing posts with label Happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Happiness. Show all posts
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
new beginning
Lately my efforts at times seem scattered like they arent focused. My dreams and imagination take me to wild places. My fantansies you wouldn't believe! But its a new start for me, which is what everything is starting to look like. My last 12 months have been crazy but its got me headed in an interesting direction so it seems. My current aspiration is to move to florida and do music with dre and al. I am sure my mom is lookin at me like GOD thank you HE HAS A PLAN...good now get there and make no excuses, I will not accept failure from you. LOL. I'm only 20 I have time. For everything want to do with my life, I will, one way or another. I got some plans in mind and I can feel that I'm about to walk the craziest path of all.
My latest slogan is:
If it wasn't about you then it aint about you now so what is more important than the now? The now leads to the future the thought doesn't...Pay Attention...
My latest slogan is:
If it wasn't about you then it aint about you now so what is more important than the now? The now leads to the future the thought doesn't...Pay Attention...
My previous slogan was STERICUS ACCIDIT meaning shit happens...yeah that explains the last two years up in just two words...damn...LOL...funny aint it?..that how shit happens when you can't explain it..lol any way I'm out...
Oh?
yeah I forgot...Did I mention the pep in my step these days? yeah I'm busier these days, I'm stuck in cubical telephone hell, my job...So that said my posts might lag a little til things balance out...
-Hazey
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Hazey's list
Its about 1:15 am est here in Atlanta, Ga. If you haven't seen on the news, its very fuckin cold out side lol. I'm sick and have been sick now since Christmas fuckin day. I went to the Dr./ Clinic seeing as how my regular psychisian was thriple booked on New Years Eve when I found Blood in my mucus. So now I'm finding it impossible to sleep, I can eat but my favorite pass time SLEEP is basically an up hill stream and I aint got a paddle. So I got out of bed and decided to write to all those people out there how read my Blog, ( thanks for reading btw :] ). So after veiwing a very interesting persons blog today I decided that I should make a list of everything I want to do before I die. Gotta say its kinda exciting when I think about it.
This is Hazey's List:
This is Hazey's List:
- Visit New Zealand
- Visit Australia
- Speak Fluent Spanish by the age of 24
- Begin to learn Arabic, Japanese, and French by 26(yeah I'm aiming high bitch)
- Graduate from College and begin a masters program somewhere.
- OWN MY OWN APARTMENT!
- Finally get my German Shepard
- Add 50 lbs. of muscle to this frame of mine(I'll fill you guys in on that a bit later)
- Get my full back custom Tattoo
- Own a two seater car and a Chopper
- Travel the world!
- Learn three different types of Martial Arts from their places of ORIGIN
- Learn to play the Guitar( this includes: bass, acoustic, and electric)
- Learn to play the Drums as well
- Relearn to play the Sax and French horn also Trumpet
- Live outside the US for a 7 years
- Get duel citizenship to another country
- Get lost in the world for a while
- Return to the US and have thousands of pictures to share with my family and friends
- One day start my own family
Sunday, November 22, 2009
On A Lighter Note
On a lighter note this weekend I decided to be the person I should always be and take care of the things that matter most to me. My Friends and Family! This weekend I decided to purchase some repair parts and fix the holes I've put into my house...lol...I have some anger issues and its getting cold I need to patch them damn holes. My mum's been nagging me about the window I punched out and the hole I put in the garage and come to think of it I need to patch the roof as well. :/ okay this sounds kinda bad like I have anger management issues but I will say the roof patching has nothing to do with my anger exertion thankfully. So I purchased some glass and a cutter, yeah that will be very interesting. I also purchased some new additions to the house.
Now we originally named them "A Pimp named Slick Back" & "Shaft" and of course an algae eater. I also purchased some plants that look really good and also seem to be doing really well. Before I introduced these lil guys to my fish tank I had some work to do. About a month ago I was at home alone for about 4 days. I decided that I wanted fish in the living room again so I needed to retart my fish tank. We once had fish in there and they were cool. My now absent father killed them and would periodically turn the filter off, add water and sometimes just get rid of fish without my knowledge.
*Okay people two things that you must know about me* If you don't know what the fuck you are doing...DONT FUCKING TOUCH IT! and two if I specifically tell you to just ask me what to do with MY THINGS! Heed my words!
My father decided to do neither! Not only has that man killed countless fish of mine but he also has contributed nothing to the maintenance, feeding, or purchasing of any equipment to put into said fish tank that hold approximately 15-20 gallons of water. Not only would he add water to this fish tank, but he would never tell that he added water to the tank. So when my fish would die I would be disappointed and think I can't keep anything alive. Well, folks just to inform you adding water to a fish tank or bowl for that matter without conditioning the fish or the water is harmful. Turning the filter off for days at a time can also be harmful.I told him this and would never heed my words so I've lost alotta fish over the years. SO when I noticed that he was doing his own thing with my fish I decided to see if I could in fact keep one single solitary fish alive.
I did, his name was Hendrx (pronounced Hendrix like the Guitarist :] ) HE was my first Beta fish that I ever kept in my room. He lived for about one year, sadly he died back in July :[. He had what I liked to call a girl friend whom he lived with named Jaylyn. She lived for about 9 months and died back in June. Now many people say keep them separate except during mating. Well they were actually the exception to the rule for a while (Maybe there's a life lesson in this story after all) They fought but never to the death. They were cool they would swim to the side of the bowl where I would sleep because they were on my night stand. They would look at me regardless of what I was doing, be it sleeping, reading, on the phone, whatever. They were just fish but had their own personalities so to speak it was cool. These two fish lived just fine without my fathers unnecessary interventions! I think them living together however lead to there demise. I will say Hendrx seemed lonely after she died. It was strange to see that.
I have since bought another Beta to keep in my room. He is named Jayson. I think its best for him to live a solitary life for now. He's a lil cooky, he actually interacts more with me than I thought he would.
ANYWAY back to my original story. I have decided to rename my fish lol. The blue one is actually blue with purple stripes(Niko) and the yellow is actually Golden(Nino).
Before I brought them, the algae eater and the plants home, I boiled 75% of the water and let the filter run for about a month. I replaced all the gravel in the bottom and treated the water :). The fish seem happy and the plants are surviving unlike last time. So in lue of this adjustment at home I have redone the fish on my blogger. The Blue one Niko, the Yellow one Nino, and the redish one is Algae eater. I gotta name him. He wouldn't let me touch him or put him in the water he jumped out of the bag on is own and into the tank lol. I'll call him "Legs"
So heres my new fish tank.
The fish are called African Cichlids
Apparently they grow to be about 6 inches long...these lil guys are just a little over an inch.
If you ask me Niko likes to be seen!
anyway there's a life lesson in there somewhere, maybe you can point it out to me lol. I however would like say one of my favorite quotes "Look out the Window!..Life goes on..."
One!
-Hazey
Now we originally named them "A Pimp named Slick Back" & "Shaft" and of course an algae eater. I also purchased some plants that look really good and also seem to be doing really well. Before I introduced these lil guys to my fish tank I had some work to do. About a month ago I was at home alone for about 4 days. I decided that I wanted fish in the living room again so I needed to retart my fish tank. We once had fish in there and they were cool. My now absent father killed them and would periodically turn the filter off, add water and sometimes just get rid of fish without my knowledge.
*Okay people two things that you must know about me* If you don't know what the fuck you are doing...DONT FUCKING TOUCH IT! and two if I specifically tell you to just ask me what to do with MY THINGS! Heed my words!
My father decided to do neither! Not only has that man killed countless fish of mine but he also has contributed nothing to the maintenance, feeding, or purchasing of any equipment to put into said fish tank that hold approximately 15-20 gallons of water. Not only would he add water to this fish tank, but he would never tell that he added water to the tank. So when my fish would die I would be disappointed and think I can't keep anything alive. Well, folks just to inform you adding water to a fish tank or bowl for that matter without conditioning the fish or the water is harmful. Turning the filter off for days at a time can also be harmful.I told him this and would never heed my words so I've lost alotta fish over the years. SO when I noticed that he was doing his own thing with my fish I decided to see if I could in fact keep one single solitary fish alive.
I did, his name was Hendrx (pronounced Hendrix like the Guitarist :] ) HE was my first Beta fish that I ever kept in my room. He lived for about one year, sadly he died back in July :[. He had what I liked to call a girl friend whom he lived with named Jaylyn. She lived for about 9 months and died back in June. Now many people say keep them separate except during mating. Well they were actually the exception to the rule for a while (Maybe there's a life lesson in this story after all) They fought but never to the death. They were cool they would swim to the side of the bowl where I would sleep because they were on my night stand. They would look at me regardless of what I was doing, be it sleeping, reading, on the phone, whatever. They were just fish but had their own personalities so to speak it was cool. These two fish lived just fine without my fathers unnecessary interventions! I think them living together however lead to there demise. I will say Hendrx seemed lonely after she died. It was strange to see that.
I have since bought another Beta to keep in my room. He is named Jayson. I think its best for him to live a solitary life for now. He's a lil cooky, he actually interacts more with me than I thought he would.
ANYWAY back to my original story. I have decided to rename my fish lol. The blue one is actually blue with purple stripes(Niko) and the yellow is actually Golden(Nino).
Before I brought them, the algae eater and the plants home, I boiled 75% of the water and let the filter run for about a month. I replaced all the gravel in the bottom and treated the water :). The fish seem happy and the plants are surviving unlike last time. So in lue of this adjustment at home I have redone the fish on my blogger. The Blue one Niko, the Yellow one Nino, and the redish one is Algae eater. I gotta name him. He wouldn't let me touch him or put him in the water he jumped out of the bag on is own and into the tank lol. I'll call him "Legs"
So heres my new fish tank.
The fish are called African Cichlids
Apparently they grow to be about 6 inches long...these lil guys are just a little over an inch.
If you ask me Niko likes to be seen!
anyway there's a life lesson in there somewhere, maybe you can point it out to me lol. I however would like say one of my favorite quotes "Look out the Window!..Life goes on..."
One!
-Hazey
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I like you and that's all I'm gonna say
I like you and that's all I'm gonna say...
I like you and that's all I'm gonna say
I made out with you today
Although you seemed puzzled and said you were holding back,
You still didn't refrain from kissing me back.
You say you feel as though it won't work out.
I wonder if it's for the same reasons I have my doubts.
We agreed to be buddies, like Musiq say
I told you I liked you and that's all I'm gonna say.
It's funny because in that two hours I forgot the time
I was comfortable and smiling while your lips shaped with mine
You ask why I'm laughing, I say you make me smile
You laugh back and say that's good
I tell you that's great because I won't lie it's been awhile
I stare you in the eyes and see a bit of comfort
You staring back at me, I literally forget we aren't lovers
For something that won't last it feels great this way
I like you and that's all I'm gonna say.
*read forward and backward ( backward meaning starting from the bottom)*
-Hazey
I like you and that's all I'm gonna say
I made out with you today
Although you seemed puzzled and said you were holding back,
You still didn't refrain from kissing me back.
You say you feel as though it won't work out.
I wonder if it's for the same reasons I have my doubts.
We agreed to be buddies, like Musiq say
I told you I liked you and that's all I'm gonna say.
It's funny because in that two hours I forgot the time
I was comfortable and smiling while your lips shaped with mine
You ask why I'm laughing, I say you make me smile
You laugh back and say that's good
I tell you that's great because I won't lie it's been awhile
I stare you in the eyes and see a bit of comfort
You staring back at me, I literally forget we aren't lovers
For something that won't last it feels great this way
I like you and that's all I'm gonna say.
*read forward and backward ( backward meaning starting from the bottom)*
-Hazey
Monday, November 9, 2009
Mothers Wisdom
"There will never be another Hassan Sr...Don't let his short comings as a man and as a father become a crutch..."
I have to say over the past two months I have become closer to my mother than I have ever felt in my life. To be honest, I secretly like our nightly conversations on life, family, money, dreams, goals, and the most popular nowadays is where we all are now. I can also tell she likes our conversations as well, hahah I remember one night I came home high and she was expecting another one of our talks but instead I went in my room and shut the door. She didn't mean to but she kind of slammed hers as well. Not only did it blow my high in a good way but it made me smile. ODD? YES, but heartwarming nonetheless. Its my mother we're talking about here people don't get all weird on me. I noticed she wanted to talk but my mother isn't one to come and talk to you she just isn't that way. She's stronger than that, unlike my father. My mother is the kind of woman who if you want to talk to her fine call her, text her, talk to her, whatever but it wont hurt her feelings none if she don't hear from you. When that door slammed I realized something different. I came down in approximately 15 seconds flat and went and talked to her for about 2 hours on life in general. That night was like no other night we watch some tv and then she tells me what my father said and what she's thinking. Same old same old right? No today I said something to her that summed up everything have ever said about my father and my issues with him. I said to her,"I'm not mad at him, or even hate him, I have a problem with him because I can neither look up to him as my father and say gosh that's my dad nor can I say this is what my father taught me nor can I speak on his life. Through the 19 years of being around him I never learned what a good friend was. WHY? Quite simple he doesn't have any, he's afraid of the world and honestly that's what he tried to teach me. I refuse to fear the world. Of all the things he's attempt to teach me, or as I call it shove down my throat", none of them are useful to me. The one thing that he taught me that was of any use at all was when he showed how to change the oil in my car. That was the only thing in the 19 years of living and knowing this man that he has taught me and given me to work with. I don't look up to him, or even see him on the same level as me. Honestly most of the time I think I'm supposed to be so much better than him but when I fail I think I'm just like him. It hurts to know your father isn't someone you can look to for guidance in this world. I would like to think that he learned something growing up on the south side of Chicago, but when he talks to me its like he never did anything with his life. So when I did present a problem to him he could never solve it, so I learned on my own. Many people say at least you have one around, in my head or under my breathe I always say potatoes can sit around. I would always say out loud that you aint missing much just another person to yell at you." It was at that moment she paused and took all that in and she said to me, I know you fear that you are just like him...listen to me...are you listening? There will never ever be another Hassan Sr. Never. I know you want to get out there and be on your own and do all these things. You have time, you are young and yes you will make mistakes, yes you will try and sometimes you will not live up to your expectations but don't ever look at that failure and think you are just like him. Don't let his short comings as a man and as a father be a crutch in your life.
I kinda forgot why I was typing this...o well...that's my mum...
I gotta say that woman is crazy, strong, and Gangsta (literally she doesn't notice it but she puts G's on her sandwiches with the damn honey mustard...lol...i told her one day and she just stared at her sandwich in awe...lol)
Gotta Love Mum
-Hazey
I have to say over the past two months I have become closer to my mother than I have ever felt in my life. To be honest, I secretly like our nightly conversations on life, family, money, dreams, goals, and the most popular nowadays is where we all are now. I can also tell she likes our conversations as well, hahah I remember one night I came home high and she was expecting another one of our talks but instead I went in my room and shut the door. She didn't mean to but she kind of slammed hers as well. Not only did it blow my high in a good way but it made me smile. ODD? YES, but heartwarming nonetheless. Its my mother we're talking about here people don't get all weird on me. I noticed she wanted to talk but my mother isn't one to come and talk to you she just isn't that way. She's stronger than that, unlike my father. My mother is the kind of woman who if you want to talk to her fine call her, text her, talk to her, whatever but it wont hurt her feelings none if she don't hear from you. When that door slammed I realized something different. I came down in approximately 15 seconds flat and went and talked to her for about 2 hours on life in general. That night was like no other night we watch some tv and then she tells me what my father said and what she's thinking. Same old same old right? No today I said something to her that summed up everything have ever said about my father and my issues with him. I said to her,"I'm not mad at him, or even hate him, I have a problem with him because I can neither look up to him as my father and say gosh that's my dad nor can I say this is what my father taught me nor can I speak on his life. Through the 19 years of being around him I never learned what a good friend was. WHY? Quite simple he doesn't have any, he's afraid of the world and honestly that's what he tried to teach me. I refuse to fear the world. Of all the things he's attempt to teach me, or as I call it shove down my throat", none of them are useful to me. The one thing that he taught me that was of any use at all was when he showed how to change the oil in my car. That was the only thing in the 19 years of living and knowing this man that he has taught me and given me to work with. I don't look up to him, or even see him on the same level as me. Honestly most of the time I think I'm supposed to be so much better than him but when I fail I think I'm just like him. It hurts to know your father isn't someone you can look to for guidance in this world. I would like to think that he learned something growing up on the south side of Chicago, but when he talks to me its like he never did anything with his life. So when I did present a problem to him he could never solve it, so I learned on my own. Many people say at least you have one around, in my head or under my breathe I always say potatoes can sit around. I would always say out loud that you aint missing much just another person to yell at you." It was at that moment she paused and took all that in and she said to me, I know you fear that you are just like him...listen to me...are you listening? There will never ever be another Hassan Sr. Never. I know you want to get out there and be on your own and do all these things. You have time, you are young and yes you will make mistakes, yes you will try and sometimes you will not live up to your expectations but don't ever look at that failure and think you are just like him. Don't let his short comings as a man and as a father be a crutch in your life.
I kinda forgot why I was typing this...o well...that's my mum...
I gotta say that woman is crazy, strong, and Gangsta (literally she doesn't notice it but she puts G's on her sandwiches with the damn honey mustard...lol...i told her one day and she just stared at her sandwich in awe...lol)
Gotta Love Mum
-Hazey
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I smiled again...
It's time to change. I think....I think I'm ready to face myself. I have been so busy keeping the world at bay of who I am and why I am the way I am. My life's most recent turn of events have changed me but only for the better. At first I used them as a crutch, today I realized I shouldn't that I wasn't being who my mother raised me to be. I can safely say that I'm ready to grow and be the man I should be. I'm so ready...I think and believe and feel that today, 10-29-2009, was a day that had me down and depressed, dear lord I felt so very lonely. I won't lie I missed having someone special in my life but I also realize why they aren't here and that if I want to ever find that person whom I can spend my time with other than friends then, I need to do me and be consistent about being me and remaining who I am through that relationship. I understand my flaws and this period in my life is about me preserving who it is that I am. I gotta say I believe I'm ready for trial and error, failing isn't an option but a lesson to be learned from so that I can come back and learn from it. :)
-Hazey
-Hazey
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
How to make Turtle Smile :)
A friend of mine and fellow poet created these images of my writings. I GOTTA SAY THEY ARE AWESOME!!! Loved them enough to post them :)
Thanks GLO! :)
Thanks GLO! :)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Today was probably one of the best days I've had in such a long time... Damn I missed days like this...
Seriously it's like today was the day I transitioned from being a boy to the man that I will one day become. I'm prideful, heartfilled and my head is clear. My shoulders are back and my eyes focused.
Today I went to starship headquarters, bunch of freaks geeks and weirdos in that mothafucka(hahahah) gotta say it was a waste of time but the day was awesome. I mean after basically taking a math test for a job that would later inform me that they had no open positions available, I felt good. Me and Jb came back from Eastpoint and kicked it with the dominincans. Well Justin and troy got into a fight. Yeah Justin didn't really lose Troy hit him all of once, but he had Justin leakin everywhere. Hood shit ye digg, right after Troy claims his bullshit ass win they smoke a blunt and things are cool. Well not really we basically all chill and everythings good you know? Me, jb, Justin, and anthony we all chill cop a few grams for ant and keep it moving. One of my other exes, Sarai wants me to come chill and burn one with her. It's all good ye digg, I hadn't chilled with niggas up the block in years. I kick it with her and her brother whom I've never met...lol...well til today. He was cool, I gotta say I ain't hard to get along with (as long as emotions aren't involved). So she tells me she has a friend for me...lol...it's days like this that make a man laugh so very hard from such a wonderful place inside. Anyway we chill I head back to the house and tesha hitting me up talkin bout her ex boyfriend woke her saying the following and I quote "your phones in the woods, your shits in the van I'm taking you to the gas station and leaving you there...diiiiaaaabbbbllloooooo!!! So I'm still hype off the fight from earlier in the day and kickin ass is something a niggas itching for! Real talk Joe! So I tell her call me in two hours. She gets around to calling me three hours later. Now understand this girl has been through some shit in her life. She has no one anymore. This mothafucka leaves her at a gas station with no phone and no money. I don't care what she did, stranding her like that will not look good when you are finally judged by the Lord. Anyhow l go back to mikes and eveyone is there. It's so great to see Dee, Karen, Judy, Rachel, Micheal, Justin, Andrew and Miguel in the same place at yeah same time. I won't lie with the death of Mrs. Karen it's a tragedy that brought more unity to this family than had been missing for a while. I will pay my respects on Friday morning. It's crazy yo because they are my second family they treat me like one of there own. They feed me when I'm there every time. That entire family never has a negative thing to say about me, and the same goes from me to the world and within.
I come home and things have finally fallen into place about how they should be. My mother is sleeping and finally thinking clearly, my brother is being a young man he's speaking up and talking so much more. I swear I love that kid like he were my kid at times. I see so much potential in him it's crazy. You know recently he talks to me more he even kicks it with the Vasquez household and everything. I swear he makes me smile.
Now to myself, hahah, well as for me. I can say I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I am going to get where I want to be. I have let everything pile on me and let them cloud my thoughts. I've finally figured out who Hassan Omar Jr is. I hVe finally faced my demons about myself and are fighting them one by one day by day. No things aren't great or wonderful. Yes there are plenty of sleepless nights but I'm back to being happy. For the first time in my life I'm not ashamed of who I am and where I'm going and where I came from. Yes I come from basically nothing. My parents worked themselves up to where they are. I will do the same because I know if they can do it I can do it so much better. New York, I'm still aiming for you!
-1
-Hazey
Seriously it's like today was the day I transitioned from being a boy to the man that I will one day become. I'm prideful, heartfilled and my head is clear. My shoulders are back and my eyes focused.
Today I went to starship headquarters, bunch of freaks geeks and weirdos in that mothafucka(hahahah) gotta say it was a waste of time but the day was awesome. I mean after basically taking a math test for a job that would later inform me that they had no open positions available, I felt good. Me and Jb came back from Eastpoint and kicked it with the dominincans. Well Justin and troy got into a fight. Yeah Justin didn't really lose Troy hit him all of once, but he had Justin leakin everywhere. Hood shit ye digg, right after Troy claims his bullshit ass win they smoke a blunt and things are cool. Well not really we basically all chill and everythings good you know? Me, jb, Justin, and anthony we all chill cop a few grams for ant and keep it moving. One of my other exes, Sarai wants me to come chill and burn one with her. It's all good ye digg, I hadn't chilled with niggas up the block in years. I kick it with her and her brother whom I've never met...lol...well til today. He was cool, I gotta say I ain't hard to get along with (as long as emotions aren't involved). So she tells me she has a friend for me...lol...it's days like this that make a man laugh so very hard from such a wonderful place inside. Anyway we chill I head back to the house and tesha hitting me up talkin bout her ex boyfriend woke her saying the following and I quote "your phones in the woods, your shits in the van I'm taking you to the gas station and leaving you there...diiiiaaaabbbbllloooooo!!! So I'm still hype off the fight from earlier in the day and kickin ass is something a niggas itching for! Real talk Joe! So I tell her call me in two hours. She gets around to calling me three hours later. Now understand this girl has been through some shit in her life. She has no one anymore. This mothafucka leaves her at a gas station with no phone and no money. I don't care what she did, stranding her like that will not look good when you are finally judged by the Lord. Anyhow l go back to mikes and eveyone is there. It's so great to see Dee, Karen, Judy, Rachel, Micheal, Justin, Andrew and Miguel in the same place at yeah same time. I won't lie with the death of Mrs. Karen it's a tragedy that brought more unity to this family than had been missing for a while. I will pay my respects on Friday morning. It's crazy yo because they are my second family they treat me like one of there own. They feed me when I'm there every time. That entire family never has a negative thing to say about me, and the same goes from me to the world and within.
I come home and things have finally fallen into place about how they should be. My mother is sleeping and finally thinking clearly, my brother is being a young man he's speaking up and talking so much more. I swear I love that kid like he were my kid at times. I see so much potential in him it's crazy. You know recently he talks to me more he even kicks it with the Vasquez household and everything. I swear he makes me smile.
Now to myself, hahah, well as for me. I can say I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I am going to get where I want to be. I have let everything pile on me and let them cloud my thoughts. I've finally figured out who Hassan Omar Jr is. I hVe finally faced my demons about myself and are fighting them one by one day by day. No things aren't great or wonderful. Yes there are plenty of sleepless nights but I'm back to being happy. For the first time in my life I'm not ashamed of who I am and where I'm going and where I came from. Yes I come from basically nothing. My parents worked themselves up to where they are. I will do the same because I know if they can do it I can do it so much better. New York, I'm still aiming for you!
-1
-Hazey
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
For Last
Its 4:37 a.m. and honestly I have been waking up a lot lately because I can't sleep. Not because I am horny, or hungry, or because of bodily functions, no nothing of anything of that sort. Its never because I have someone or something on my mind. The reason I have been having broken sleep is because I keep hearing songs playing in my head but at the same time, I'd much rather be awake than be asleep.
It was once said by Dr. Seuss -“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” But honestly I'm not in love with anyone. I'm just happy and in love with life again. Its so strange to me...
As for every lover I have lost to get to this point I'm not sad or mad. I'm fucking happy for all of them. They all moved on to other people and for the most part seem content. Dr. Seuss -“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." All I can say is man I have never been so excited to get going on my life's journey no matter how hard or how difficult it may get, I still want my German Shepard, My Harley-Davidson, my own apartment, to be fully trained in two martial arts, and to see the world. I just am happy again and its mind blowing...
Many people don't understand how it feels to finally be free of my insecurities, be free of my doubts, be free of my shame, be free of all dark thoughts that once clouded my judgment and my heart. I know that many people just do not understand what it feels like to look in the mirror and finally see yourself after all these years, it honestly feels like nothing else I've ever felt...
Just to smile again feels so great. To be happy just being me is like God lifted the stress off of my shoulders and showed me things are okay. It feels wonderful to just be me again. To listen to music in the morning and make my bed. It feels wonderful to make plans with literally anybody to go hang out. What feels even better is to make plans with myself and just enjoy them to myself. I am enjoying looking into things at my own will. It took years for me to realize I can't make anyone happy if I'm not happy first...and honestly I wanna perfect me being happy on my own before another person enters my life permanently again. They say save the best for last so with that said finding a person is literally what I wanna do. I wanna go and do me and see this nation and the rest of the world. It would be awesome if I had a companion to go do this with but I guess my dreams and wishes are enough to company on life's short but wonderful journey.
-Hazey
Current Track
>>>[Incubus-Admiration]<<<
It was once said by Dr. Seuss -“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” But honestly I'm not in love with anyone. I'm just happy and in love with life again. Its so strange to me...
As for every lover I have lost to get to this point I'm not sad or mad. I'm fucking happy for all of them. They all moved on to other people and for the most part seem content. Dr. Seuss -“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." All I can say is man I have never been so excited to get going on my life's journey no matter how hard or how difficult it may get, I still want my German Shepard, My Harley-Davidson, my own apartment, to be fully trained in two martial arts, and to see the world. I just am happy again and its mind blowing...
Many people don't understand how it feels to finally be free of my insecurities, be free of my doubts, be free of my shame, be free of all dark thoughts that once clouded my judgment and my heart. I know that many people just do not understand what it feels like to look in the mirror and finally see yourself after all these years, it honestly feels like nothing else I've ever felt...
Just to smile again feels so great. To be happy just being me is like God lifted the stress off of my shoulders and showed me things are okay. It feels wonderful to just be me again. To listen to music in the morning and make my bed. It feels wonderful to make plans with literally anybody to go hang out. What feels even better is to make plans with myself and just enjoy them to myself. I am enjoying looking into things at my own will. It took years for me to realize I can't make anyone happy if I'm not happy first...and honestly I wanna perfect me being happy on my own before another person enters my life permanently again. They say save the best for last so with that said finding a person is literally what I wanna do. I wanna go and do me and see this nation and the rest of the world. It would be awesome if I had a companion to go do this with but I guess my dreams and wishes are enough to company on life's short but wonderful journey.
-Hazey
Current Track
>>>[Incubus-Admiration]<<<
Saturday, August 15, 2009
updates
Okay so its been a while since I have given the world an update on my life thus far. I think its time I gave an update. I got a speeding ticket in Dekalb county in June. I went to the recorders court but by the grace of God himself the power went out and they must hence forth reset my court date, thank you Jesus! I was going exactly 33 miles over the speed limit and according to a recent law past my liscence should be suspended because I was caught going 30 miles over the limit under the age of 21. So you can best believe that I am so very happy to be able to drive and take my happy ass to work.
Okay so I'm single and in the past month and a half I have meet a few new people that honestly deserve a good 7 laughs. First up is a good friend of mine named Hill. I swear she is cool people but is like the spitting image of Christena my ex girl friend whom fucked me over very very badly. Now with that said she acts and even walks like my ex. She has a similar voice but not exactly. I often times find myself getting irritated with her over dumb shit that my ex did that I couldn't stand back then. Gotta work on that. I am not, will not, and shall not ever date and/or persue any type romantic relationship with her. For several reasons. She is a serious pot head and sorry to say it but she runs through guys fairly quickly. In my head i'm screaming "Hell NAH not even, BUT we can be friends and be cool ye digg." Now as far as everything else about her, she seems to think I don't want her because of her weight. Well, thats partly true but the first two things I mentioned are the things that KILL her chances with a shotgun. Yes I will admit she is a heavier set woman but that aint whats killing it, its the fact that she acts like Christena that's killing it. So after basically demolishing all of her hopes to ever get with me we are now just good friends. And to be honest I enjoy that.
I also met this random Dominican girl named Lucy. Yes she has the same name as my car. Quite ironic if you ask me. But nonetheless she was just a reminder of what I like in a woman. I love Latina women. Don't get me wrong if you are of another race I won't discriminate, I will in fact participate :). Anywho she informed me that the Dominican restaurant that I used to go to quite often was actually a cover up for a drug operation and the owner is now in jail for a LONG time.
Now aside from that Dominican there are my friends the Vazquez family. Justin recently moved to Georgia to live with his family here. He's cool as hell, Dominican as fuck. Now the part that has me in a bind is the fact that the house hold contains not one but two children under the age of 1 and there happens to be a lot of well unlawful activity going on if you get my drift. I honestly don't want to be apart of that anymore. Especially because the last few times I was there, 5 police squad cars pulled up. It was on that note that I decided it was time to move forward.
It was recently that I remembered who I was. Being that yes I had lost myself. I had lost myself for exactly 3 years and 2 months. Never thought I'd be the one to say this but I'm glad I finally recognize myself. Could you imagine waking up every single morning for 3 years and not recognizing yourself in the mirror. Every time I would pass by a mirror or see my reflection I was surprised or worse, I didn't even know that's what I looked like that day. Yes I could remember what I was wearing but I could never put my face on anything. I couldn't recall my own image. It was after watching the movie Orphan and smoking a good bit of marijuana that I realized what happened to me. You see I am not a perfect child, I was in fact involved with drugs, gangs, and honestly a lot of illegal activity that I know for sure that I should be in jail for. Thank God I'm not. The past is the past and moving forward is what life is about. It turns out that when my best friend left the state to get away from one person, it changed me. I didn't follow my dreams anymore, I didn't believe in myself anymore, and I didn't recognize myself anymore. I am a musical person with my artistic attributes. So tell me how does an artistic person lose themselves so much that they abandon all artistic ties and take up criminal justice or business as a career? Well I somehow or another did and when the person that I was woke up from 3 years of sleeping, I literally asked myself WTF!? Why am I not in Florida? Why am I still in Georgia? Why am I criminal justice major and why don't I have anything music related or even art related in my belongings anymore? I don't know but for years I seemed to have forgotten myself and it only took three broken hearts and a broken dream to wake me up.
So now that I am awake I am considering moving to Florida again. I am currently trying to find an acoustic guitar and a teacher. I want to attend many poetry slams and begin a few of my own. I want to attend def poetry slam if not be apart of it then at least watch. I want to travel the world and hopefully along the way find that perfect girl.
DAMN, it feels good to be back :)
-Hazey
Okay so I'm single and in the past month and a half I have meet a few new people that honestly deserve a good 7 laughs. First up is a good friend of mine named Hill. I swear she is cool people but is like the spitting image of Christena my ex girl friend whom fucked me over very very badly. Now with that said she acts and even walks like my ex. She has a similar voice but not exactly. I often times find myself getting irritated with her over dumb shit that my ex did that I couldn't stand back then. Gotta work on that. I am not, will not, and shall not ever date and/or persue any type romantic relationship with her. For several reasons. She is a serious pot head and sorry to say it but she runs through guys fairly quickly. In my head i'm screaming "Hell NAH not even, BUT we can be friends and be cool ye digg." Now as far as everything else about her, she seems to think I don't want her because of her weight. Well, thats partly true but the first two things I mentioned are the things that KILL her chances with a shotgun. Yes I will admit she is a heavier set woman but that aint whats killing it, its the fact that she acts like Christena that's killing it. So after basically demolishing all of her hopes to ever get with me we are now just good friends. And to be honest I enjoy that.
I also met this random Dominican girl named Lucy. Yes she has the same name as my car. Quite ironic if you ask me. But nonetheless she was just a reminder of what I like in a woman. I love Latina women. Don't get me wrong if you are of another race I won't discriminate, I will in fact participate :). Anywho she informed me that the Dominican restaurant that I used to go to quite often was actually a cover up for a drug operation and the owner is now in jail for a LONG time.
Now aside from that Dominican there are my friends the Vazquez family. Justin recently moved to Georgia to live with his family here. He's cool as hell, Dominican as fuck. Now the part that has me in a bind is the fact that the house hold contains not one but two children under the age of 1 and there happens to be a lot of well unlawful activity going on if you get my drift. I honestly don't want to be apart of that anymore. Especially because the last few times I was there, 5 police squad cars pulled up. It was on that note that I decided it was time to move forward.
It was recently that I remembered who I was. Being that yes I had lost myself. I had lost myself for exactly 3 years and 2 months. Never thought I'd be the one to say this but I'm glad I finally recognize myself. Could you imagine waking up every single morning for 3 years and not recognizing yourself in the mirror. Every time I would pass by a mirror or see my reflection I was surprised or worse, I didn't even know that's what I looked like that day. Yes I could remember what I was wearing but I could never put my face on anything. I couldn't recall my own image. It was after watching the movie Orphan and smoking a good bit of marijuana that I realized what happened to me. You see I am not a perfect child, I was in fact involved with drugs, gangs, and honestly a lot of illegal activity that I know for sure that I should be in jail for. Thank God I'm not. The past is the past and moving forward is what life is about. It turns out that when my best friend left the state to get away from one person, it changed me. I didn't follow my dreams anymore, I didn't believe in myself anymore, and I didn't recognize myself anymore. I am a musical person with my artistic attributes. So tell me how does an artistic person lose themselves so much that they abandon all artistic ties and take up criminal justice or business as a career? Well I somehow or another did and when the person that I was woke up from 3 years of sleeping, I literally asked myself WTF!? Why am I not in Florida? Why am I still in Georgia? Why am I criminal justice major and why don't I have anything music related or even art related in my belongings anymore? I don't know but for years I seemed to have forgotten myself and it only took three broken hearts and a broken dream to wake me up.
So now that I am awake I am considering moving to Florida again. I am currently trying to find an acoustic guitar and a teacher. I want to attend many poetry slams and begin a few of my own. I want to attend def poetry slam if not be apart of it then at least watch. I want to travel the world and hopefully along the way find that perfect girl.
DAMN, it feels good to be back :)
-Hazey
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Mr. Carter
Retrospect....okay so I kinda changed my mind on wayne. I still don't truly like him but I am willing to listen to his music. I went out and bought The Carter III. The song that got me was not Mr. Carter or A Milli or LALA. No it was Tie My Hands. Hit me like a ton of bricks when he said
"yeah, some say tragedies is hard to get over but sometime that tragedy means its over soldier, from the academy legal frolers i deny being down though they seen the holers my shoulders is strong i prove them wrong i aint doing nothing but moving on let the truth be known but they talk that freedom matters and didn't even leave a latter damn"
Oddly he's done this before in the song something you forgot. He said
"My momma asked about you, my partners did tooI know your daughter will be so amazin' like you and I know you probably wish you never met me, and I just wish you never forget me and let me say, please don't worry 'bout the women I have been with No engagement can amount to your friendship and I hope that nigga know he got a queen, and all I can do is dream .. DAMN!"
I mean to be honest, I'm keeping an open mind now...HaS is changing...
I heard the the track Dontgetit and it changed the way I looked at him for the rest of my life. Got damn. He is one intelligent brotha. The album itself isn't that good I must say. However I will never look at Wanye the same way ever again. I am willing to listen to him more now than I did before I decided to listen to his album. This is what he said
I heard the the track Dontgetit and it changed the way I looked at him for the rest of my life. Got damn. He is one intelligent brotha. The album itself isn't that good I must say. However I will never look at Wanye the same way ever again. I am willing to listen to him more now than I did before I decided to listen to his album. This is what he said
"I was watchin T.V. the other day right
Got this white guy on there talkin bout black guys
Talkin about how young black guys are targeted
Targeted by who?
America
You see, one in every 100 Americans are locked up
1 in every, 9 black Americans are locked up
And see what the white guy was trying to stress was that
The money that we spend on sending a motherfucka to jail
A young motherfucka to jail
Would be less to send, his or her young ass to college (heh)
See, and another thing the white guy was stressing was that
Our jails are populated with drug dealers
You know crack, cocaine, yeah, stuff like that
Meanin due to the laws we have on crack cocaine and regular cocaine
The police are only
I don't want to say only right, but shit
Only logic by riding around in the hood all day
And not in the suburbs, because
Crack cocaine is mostly found in the hood
And um, you know the other thing is mostly found...
You know where I'm going
But why bring a motherfucka to jail
If it's not gonna stand up in court
Because this drug ain't that drug
You know level 3, level 4 drug, shit like that (heh heh)
Mmm hmm, I guess it's all a misunderstanding, and um
I sit back and think well shit us young motherfuckers, You know, that 1 in every 9 We probably only selling the crack cocaine just because we in the hood And it's not like the suburbs We don't have the things that you have Why? I really don't want to know the answer, but uh... I guess we just misunderstood uh, yeah You know we don't have room in the jail Now for the real motherfuckers, the real criminals, you know Sex offenders, rapists, serial killers, shit like that Don't get scared, don't get scared I know you saw one them sex offenders papers Don't trip, he live right on the end of your block, mmm hmm Yeah, that nigga live right down the street from you Sex offender on a level 3 drug, convicted, ex-con, yeah, check him out And what you got, you got daughters, son, what you got? Yeah, well you know what (coughing) (that's the good weed) You know what? I have a fuckin daughter You understand me? And, why the fuck would you bring my neighbor To jail just because the reason why he live next door to me Ain't the reason why I live next door to him Mean that, he didn't rap his way to my fuckin neighborhood He sold crack cocaine to get to my neighborhood You move him out, bring him to jail for life And then you move in a sex offender, heh heh heh They giving me a paper, heh heh Is that a misunderstanding, cause I don't understand it
Another thing, let me take my glasses off
Cause I want to see the reaction on the faces when I say this
Uh, Mr. Al Sharpton, here's why I don't respect you
And nobody like you, hmm hmm, see
You're the type that gets off on gettin on other people, heh hehe
That's not good, no homo
And rather unhuman I should say
I mean, given the fact that humanity, well, good humanity rather
To me, is helpin one another, no matter your color or race
But this guy, and people like him
They'd rather speculate before they informate, if that's a word, heh heh
You know, spect before check, anyway
Mean that, I much rather you talk to me first and see if you
Can learn an opinion before you make one
Just my thought of good humanity, Mr. Sharpton (heh heh)
Hold on, I ain't finished with you man
Gotta pluck the ashes, mmm hmm, hold on, um
Mr. Sharpton, and anyone like you, you don't know me
So, if you're not goin to try to, then what you say
Or think about me, or whatever I do is totally Casper the friendly ghost
To me, and, it doesn't make you a good person to
Criticize before you improvize
Doesn't necessarily make you a bad person neither but
The characteristics fall heavily into bad sway, hah hah
But since I am human, I am good and bad as well
But I try my hardest to stay good
And some of the things I do and say may be bad, or just not too good
But I do try
So with that said, I don't fault you, I mean, you're only human
Good or bad, but I also don't respect you
And I don't care if that's good or bad, heh heh
You see you are no MLK, you are no Jesse Jackson
You a nobody, to me, you're just another Don King with a perm
Heh heh, just a little more political
And that just means you're a little unhuman than us humans
And now, let me be human by sayin fuck Al Sharpton
And anyone like him, fuck if you understand me
I love being misunderstood, why?
Cause I live in the suburbs but I come from the hood
Bring the hook in!"
Got this white guy on there talkin bout black guys
Talkin about how young black guys are targeted
Targeted by who?
America
You see, one in every 100 Americans are locked up
1 in every, 9 black Americans are locked up
And see what the white guy was trying to stress was that
The money that we spend on sending a motherfucka to jail
A young motherfucka to jail
Would be less to send, his or her young ass to college (heh)
See, and another thing the white guy was stressing was that
Our jails are populated with drug dealers
You know crack, cocaine, yeah, stuff like that
Meanin due to the laws we have on crack cocaine and regular cocaine
The police are only
I don't want to say only right, but shit
Only logic by riding around in the hood all day
And not in the suburbs, because
Crack cocaine is mostly found in the hood
And um, you know the other thing is mostly found...
You know where I'm going
But why bring a motherfucka to jail
If it's not gonna stand up in court
Because this drug ain't that drug
You know level 3, level 4 drug, shit like that (heh heh)
Mmm hmm, I guess it's all a misunderstanding, and um
I sit back and think well shit us young motherfuckers, You know, that 1 in every 9 We probably only selling the crack cocaine just because we in the hood And it's not like the suburbs We don't have the things that you have Why? I really don't want to know the answer, but uh... I guess we just misunderstood uh, yeah You know we don't have room in the jail Now for the real motherfuckers, the real criminals, you know Sex offenders, rapists, serial killers, shit like that Don't get scared, don't get scared I know you saw one them sex offenders papers Don't trip, he live right on the end of your block, mmm hmm Yeah, that nigga live right down the street from you Sex offender on a level 3 drug, convicted, ex-con, yeah, check him out And what you got, you got daughters, son, what you got? Yeah, well you know what (coughing) (that's the good weed) You know what? I have a fuckin daughter You understand me? And, why the fuck would you bring my neighbor To jail just because the reason why he live next door to me Ain't the reason why I live next door to him Mean that, he didn't rap his way to my fuckin neighborhood He sold crack cocaine to get to my neighborhood You move him out, bring him to jail for life And then you move in a sex offender, heh heh heh They giving me a paper, heh heh Is that a misunderstanding, cause I don't understand it
Another thing, let me take my glasses off
Cause I want to see the reaction on the faces when I say this
Uh, Mr. Al Sharpton, here's why I don't respect you
And nobody like you, hmm hmm, see
You're the type that gets off on gettin on other people, heh hehe
That's not good, no homo
And rather unhuman I should say
I mean, given the fact that humanity, well, good humanity rather
To me, is helpin one another, no matter your color or race
But this guy, and people like him
They'd rather speculate before they informate, if that's a word, heh heh
You know, spect before check, anyway
Mean that, I much rather you talk to me first and see if you
Can learn an opinion before you make one
Just my thought of good humanity, Mr. Sharpton (heh heh)
Hold on, I ain't finished with you man
Gotta pluck the ashes, mmm hmm, hold on, um
Mr. Sharpton, and anyone like you, you don't know me
So, if you're not goin to try to, then what you say
Or think about me, or whatever I do is totally Casper the friendly ghost
To me, and, it doesn't make you a good person to
Criticize before you improvize
Doesn't necessarily make you a bad person neither but
The characteristics fall heavily into bad sway, hah hah
But since I am human, I am good and bad as well
But I try my hardest to stay good
And some of the things I do and say may be bad, or just not too good
But I do try
So with that said, I don't fault you, I mean, you're only human
Good or bad, but I also don't respect you
And I don't care if that's good or bad, heh heh
You see you are no MLK, you are no Jesse Jackson
You a nobody, to me, you're just another Don King with a perm
Heh heh, just a little more political
And that just means you're a little unhuman than us humans
And now, let me be human by sayin fuck Al Sharpton
And anyone like him, fuck if you understand me
I love being misunderstood, why?
Cause I live in the suburbs but I come from the hood
Bring the hook in!"
-Hazey
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
What I had slapped in my face
I talked to you today
you gave me peace of mind
you gave me a reason to relax
you gave me the strength to pull myself together and get a hold of myself
you made me feel like a fool but it was well deserved
you are my best friend in the world and you mean so very much to me
I want to thank you
I've let you down a few times in the past and I tried my best to make up for that
You reminded me of who I am
You reminded me of how I am
You reminded me that I am strong, that I am strong in will
You reminded me that I need not hang my head in shame
You reminded me that I am FUCKIN' TRIPPIN'
You reminded me that we have a similar relationship to what is going on
and if ANYTHING, I should understand her more than anyone
You reminded me of what and how I used to be
a MAN
You reminded me of what I have always been like
and how I have let the rear view mirror steer me in a forward direction
You have never left my side Sabrina,
you broke my heart but you have always been there for me and I appreciate it
When I'm hardest on myself, you're always there to lend a helping hand in the ridicule lol
and for all its worth you will always have a tiny piece of my heart and that will never change
I won't lie I know you and I will always have each others back when times get hard
and that when its all said and done our kids will play together ( lol insider)
sometimes I feel so alone
I feel like I'm wandering
I feel like I'm wasting time
I feel like I'm not important to anyone
I feel like I'm just taking up space
and you remind me that if I die you're going to kill more bitches (lmfao)
Through the years I have seen our relationship go from friends to lovers to friends to lovers to friends to lovers to friends
and honestly it makes me smile from deep within
and it makes me understand everything even more so everyday
I can't wait to go out and club with you
and do everything we wanted to do so very long ago
it makes me smile
and I know that's how my woman feels for him
I know its a short lived thing and you remind me that I have nothing to worry about
she'll get past what she's feeling now
You reminded me of all that she has said to me and how it's what I need to believe
because she has done nothing to betray me
You reminded me of how I love and how I AM FAR FROM NEEDY
so yeah I miss you so very much
I can't wait to see you
[Freeze! don't change don't leave don't go, baby just Freeze!]
you gave me peace of mind
you gave me a reason to relax
you gave me the strength to pull myself together and get a hold of myself
you made me feel like a fool but it was well deserved
you are my best friend in the world and you mean so very much to me
I want to thank you
I've let you down a few times in the past and I tried my best to make up for that
You reminded me of who I am
You reminded me of how I am
You reminded me that I am strong, that I am strong in will
You reminded me that I need not hang my head in shame
You reminded me that I am FUCKIN' TRIPPIN'
You reminded me that we have a similar relationship to what is going on
and if ANYTHING, I should understand her more than anyone
You reminded me of what and how I used to be
a MAN
You reminded me of what I have always been like
and how I have let the rear view mirror steer me in a forward direction
You have never left my side Sabrina,
you broke my heart but you have always been there for me and I appreciate it
When I'm hardest on myself, you're always there to lend a helping hand in the ridicule lol
and for all its worth you will always have a tiny piece of my heart and that will never change
I won't lie I know you and I will always have each others back when times get hard
and that when its all said and done our kids will play together ( lol insider)
sometimes I feel so alone
I feel like I'm wandering
I feel like I'm wasting time
I feel like I'm not important to anyone
I feel like I'm just taking up space
and you remind me that if I die you're going to kill more bitches (lmfao)
Through the years I have seen our relationship go from friends to lovers to friends to lovers to friends to lovers to friends
and honestly it makes me smile from deep within
and it makes me understand everything even more so everyday
I can't wait to go out and club with you
and do everything we wanted to do so very long ago
it makes me smile
and I know that's how my woman feels for him
I know its a short lived thing and you remind me that I have nothing to worry about
she'll get past what she's feeling now
You reminded me of all that she has said to me and how it's what I need to believe
because she has done nothing to betray me
You reminded me of how I love and how I AM FAR FROM NEEDY
so yeah I miss you so very much
I can't wait to see you
[Freeze! don't change don't leave don't go, baby just Freeze!]
Friday, February 20, 2009
Your <3 I hope
Pardon me miss
But can I hope to inconvenience
Your Heart
for a moment beautiful woman
even if I couldn't
make it my own
one day in hopes
to make you smile
for a little more than a while
and not just for tonight
but the rest of your life
and the rest of the days sunlight
and the nights moonlight
where the stars shine as bright
as your eyes
which captivate me like your subtle surprise
and the sun beaming and warm and beautiful as your smile
maybe I'm wrong for still going on
and still hanging on
but pardon my intrusion
into your heart
I want neither a piece nor a part
but I was hoping that one day
I could make you mine
and make you see that your love belongs to me, you could say its mine
So you'll give me a chance and let me
I see what it is
Well guide me to where your love is
the place where the road is paved in your love
painted in your affection
to your everlasting love
I wanna be the one u sing about
write about
talk about
never walk without
dream about
laugh about
cry about
think about
scream about
the fact that you can't live without
me, or us, or all of what was
I wanna have all of your love
Show me the way to your heart where the warmth is
send me letters from heaven saying how powerful this love is
Baby I wanna be the one you make plans with
the one you call at night and fall asleep with
yes over the phone
when no ones at home
you call me to tell me come over so you don't have to be alone
The one who excites you
the one who always invites you
the one who ignites you
and sets you soul a blaze
while making the haze fade away
the one who opens your eyes
and shows you whats real and true
The one you call sweety, honey, boo
baby, babes, babe, bbz, tuya
tu vida, tu rey
tu amor
and more
I wanna love you like no other
that makes you feel like a potential mother
so happy and proud and grateful to be
The one you call your hubby to be
I wanna love you with passion unseen and unmatched
or maybe I'm just asking to much
and this is all a big dream
to one day have your heart
Your Heart
for a moment beautiful woman
even if I couldn't
make it my own
one day in hopes
to make you smile
for a little more than a while
and not just for tonight
but the rest of your life
and the rest of the days sunlight
and the nights moonlight
where the stars shine as bright
as your eyes
which captivate me like your subtle surprise
and the sun beaming and warm and beautiful as your smile
maybe I'm wrong for still going on
and still hanging on
but pardon my intrusion
into your heart
I want neither a piece nor a part
but I was hoping that one day
I could make you mine
and make you see that your love belongs to me, you could say its mine
So you'll give me a chance and let me
I see what it is
Well guide me to where your love is
the place where the road is paved in your love
painted in your affection
to your everlasting love
I wanna be the one u sing about
write about
talk about
never walk without
dream about
laugh about
cry about
think about
scream about
the fact that you can't live without
me, or us, or all of what was
I wanna have all of your love
Show me the way to your heart where the warmth is
send me letters from heaven saying how powerful this love is
Baby I wanna be the one you make plans with
the one you call at night and fall asleep with
yes over the phone
when no ones at home
you call me to tell me come over so you don't have to be alone
The one who excites you
the one who always invites you
the one who ignites you
and sets you soul a blaze
while making the haze fade away
the one who opens your eyes
and shows you whats real and true
The one you call sweety, honey, boo
baby, babes, babe, bbz, tuya
tu vida, tu rey
tu amor
and more
I wanna love you like no other
that makes you feel like a potential mother
so happy and proud and grateful to be
The one you call your hubby to be
I wanna love you with passion unseen and unmatched
or maybe I'm just asking to much
and this is all a big dream
to one day have your heart
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
RE: Love
Friday, January 30, 2009
Love
Labels: Favorite Poetry, happiness, Jezzuka's heart, Jezzuka's Life, Love, Pececita de bbz, The parts of Jezzuka we never see, Turtle, Working-ish
In peace, Love tunes the shepherd's reed;
In war, he mounts the warrior's steed;
In halls, in gay attire is seen;
In hamlets, dances on the green.
Love rules the court, the camp, the grove,
And men below and saints above;
For love is heaven, and heaven is love.
~ Sir Walter Scott (1771-1832)
For yours is heaven and heaven is yours
Your love is the water that helps the seed
The force beneath my feet and rumble underneath the sea
swaying back and forth I feel its power
amongst the trees never seizing, never stopping, even in the darkest hour
from my feet to my head to my back from my chest
your love flows through me; north to south; east to west
-HaS
Your love is the water that helps the seed
The force beneath my feet and rumble underneath the sea
swaying back and forth I feel its power
amongst the trees never seizing, never stopping, even in the darkest hour
from my feet to my head to my back from my chest
your love flows through me; north to south; east to west
-HaS
Saturday, January 10, 2009
dearly 633 70v3D
Dearly 633 70v3D,
I know how things may look and things seem so very bleak and hopeless. I see the pain and the heart ache that you suffer through. I wish I could make it go away. I wish you didn't have this problem. I know God doesn't give us a problem we can't handle. But sometimes I wish I could take the heat for you. I wish I could somehow change your mind. I see everyday that's impossible. I feel so very alone and lost. I know that you hearing this hurts but I'm only human baby. The same situation keeps coming up because you have done nothing to change that. And doing as they say solves nothing. It compromises everything about you. My love you are so very strong. So very strong. I wish I could take away the hurt and the pain but I can't. If anything follow your moms example. She still hasn't faced your dad. I believe you know where I'm going with that thought. I understand that they are your family and leaving would sacrificing a lot. But I don't want you to stay for me or for us. I want you to stay because you have so much more here you can do. You never know you could one day open up a shelter for women. I mean you have endless possibilities here in the US that you have worked so hard to attain. I admire your drive in the world so very much. When I met you I saw you had many strengths I also(over time) saw where I could give you strength and support that you don't have. I felt like I could make you whole. And in return you could also make me whole too(#,_,#). I know I don't have to make such a choice but I have been faced with it many times before and every time I fight for them. ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IN THIS WORLD IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! NOTHING IS JUST GIVEN TO YOU! and sometimes you have no other choice but to just take it. Love is one of the basic human rights set forth by the united nations I believe. You didn't make a mistake in loving me and letting yourself fall in love with me. You are not at fault. They are. They just want to control you and tell you what to do. They don't care if you fall in love or not. They don't care if you love the guy you marry. If they approve of him its because they like him and approve of him and your choice, NOT of you. I know you want their love, pride, and approval. But I think you are putting too much of yourself on the line for them. I believe if they loved you, if they cared, and approved of you and were proud of you. They would see all that you have accomplished and done for them so far and tell you. They wouldn't react they way they do. They are doomed to teach what they were taught. They didn't learn from it. They didn't question it as you do. You have taken the boldest step of them all. You opened you eyes to see their faults. Don't punish them for them. But also don't kill yourself trying to be what inevitably maybe an unattainable want. I'm in a tight spot too babe.I'm faced with a problem. I have a wonderful girl friend whom I hope to "WED" one day. She is in a FUCKED UP situation and I can't let this go. I could walk away and pretend like I don't care. I could just be done with you and never speak to you again. I could get angry and curse you out and break up with you and blame everything on you. I could do so many things. But I know my place is right here with you. I wish I could reach in your head and flip a switch that says open mental and spiritual eyes but I can't. I have to say the correct words in the correct combination to do that.
My love, my heart, my soul mate baby there is no such thing as love being wrong it can't be. No matter what they say. They love each other, whether they say you can or not, it aint true. You can love me, if loving you is wrong then I'll be wrong i don't want to be right.(no cliche intended). They fought for their right to be together. So should we.
My love you and I have been building something worth fighting for. Love is not something you can abandon and expect it not to haunt you. I love you so very very much with all my soul. We can do so much. I do believe if we work together, assuming you stayed, that your family may not approve at first but one day they would see you in the news paper and realize the truth. That one day your parents may have to eat their words. I believe that you can do that. I believe that you can make them proud. I believe that you could possibly get your family back.
I know how things may look and things seem so very bleak and hopeless. I see the pain and the heart ache that you suffer through. I wish I could make it go away. I wish you didn't have this problem. I know God doesn't give us a problem we can't handle. But sometimes I wish I could take the heat for you. I wish I could somehow change your mind. I see everyday that's impossible. I feel so very alone and lost. I know that you hearing this hurts but I'm only human baby. The same situation keeps coming up because you have done nothing to change that. And doing as they say solves nothing. It compromises everything about you. My love you are so very strong. So very strong. I wish I could take away the hurt and the pain but I can't. If anything follow your moms example. She still hasn't faced your dad. I believe you know where I'm going with that thought. I understand that they are your family and leaving would sacrificing a lot. But I don't want you to stay for me or for us. I want you to stay because you have so much more here you can do. You never know you could one day open up a shelter for women. I mean you have endless possibilities here in the US that you have worked so hard to attain. I admire your drive in the world so very much. When I met you I saw you had many strengths I also(over time) saw where I could give you strength and support that you don't have. I felt like I could make you whole. And in return you could also make me whole too(#,_,#). I know I don't have to make such a choice but I have been faced with it many times before and every time I fight for them. ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IN THIS WORLD IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! NOTHING IS JUST GIVEN TO YOU! and sometimes you have no other choice but to just take it. Love is one of the basic human rights set forth by the united nations I believe. You didn't make a mistake in loving me and letting yourself fall in love with me. You are not at fault. They are. They just want to control you and tell you what to do. They don't care if you fall in love or not. They don't care if you love the guy you marry. If they approve of him its because they like him and approve of him and your choice, NOT of you. I know you want their love, pride, and approval. But I think you are putting too much of yourself on the line for them. I believe if they loved you, if they cared, and approved of you and were proud of you. They would see all that you have accomplished and done for them so far and tell you. They wouldn't react they way they do. They are doomed to teach what they were taught. They didn't learn from it. They didn't question it as you do. You have taken the boldest step of them all. You opened you eyes to see their faults. Don't punish them for them. But also don't kill yourself trying to be what inevitably maybe an unattainable want. I'm in a tight spot too babe.I'm faced with a problem. I have a wonderful girl friend whom I hope to "WED" one day. She is in a FUCKED UP situation and I can't let this go. I could walk away and pretend like I don't care. I could just be done with you and never speak to you again. I could get angry and curse you out and break up with you and blame everything on you. I could do so many things. But I know my place is right here with you. I wish I could reach in your head and flip a switch that says open mental and spiritual eyes but I can't. I have to say the correct words in the correct combination to do that.
My love, my heart, my soul mate baby there is no such thing as love being wrong it can't be. No matter what they say. They love each other, whether they say you can or not, it aint true. You can love me, if loving you is wrong then I'll be wrong i don't want to be right.(no cliche intended). They fought for their right to be together. So should we.
My love you and I have been building something worth fighting for. Love is not something you can abandon and expect it not to haunt you. I love you so very very much with all my soul. We can do so much. I do believe if we work together, assuming you stayed, that your family may not approve at first but one day they would see you in the news paper and realize the truth. That one day your parents may have to eat their words. I believe that you can do that. I believe that you can make them proud. I believe that you could possibly get your family back.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Will and Jada
I will admit that I was en el bano(hahaha)
and I decided to pick up an essence magazine in front of me
It had Jada Pinkette-Smith on the cover
So I decided to read in on the Smiths' life and love
I found them to be inspiring
The way they described each other and the way
they loved one another and supported one another
made me want to do the same.
I want a love that "I created"
A love where I push the other person to do
their God Given best. And have them do the same.
I mean look at where they are. They have GREAT careers.
They are in Hollywood but still don't have the media
prying into their lives. The must have WONDERFUL credentials.
I want that. I want to move to California and start a family and have a
great career. It sounds odd coming from a man's mouth. But they are what I want.
I want that from life. I want to be able to look at my partner and see she is happy and comfortable and feels safe and proud of what we have accomplished.
maybe i just want to much from life :(
and I decided to pick up an essence magazine in front of me
It had Jada Pinkette-Smith on the cover
So I decided to read in on the Smiths' life and love
I found them to be inspiring
The way they described each other and the way
they loved one another and supported one another
made me want to do the same.
I want a love that "I created"
A love where I push the other person to do
their God Given best. And have them do the same.
I mean look at where they are. They have GREAT careers.
They are in Hollywood but still don't have the media
prying into their lives. The must have WONDERFUL credentials.
I want that. I want to move to California and start a family and have a
great career. It sounds odd coming from a man's mouth. But they are what I want.
I want that from life. I want to be able to look at my partner and see she is happy and comfortable and feels safe and proud of what we have accomplished.
maybe i just want to much from life :(
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