Saturday, May 30, 2009

A modest apology

Dear Love,

I must apologize. You have never wanted one, most likely never will. I had some thinking done today. Its not your fault I am basically alone. Its not your fault at all. I will admit I wish I had my friends here still. I shouldn't project that out on to you. I know you think I'm gassing this up but seriously this is how I truly feel. Its not your fault. I am sincerely apologetic for doing that. I'm glad you went out and had a great weekend this weekend. You deserve them more than anybody. I saw the pictures Soozi put up on facebook, you look like you had fun. I'm glad you did.I know for a fact that no weekends are like weekends with friends.
Seriously its not your fault I feel the way I feel. You aren't the person that needs to be my crutch. You shouldn't be forced to spend all your time with me because I have no friends of my own. You aren't the reason I feel like a nobody, because I have no friends. I apologize for creating that burden for you. I know its probably why you felt as though you had to always talk to me or call me or talk to me or spend all your time with me. I am also apologetic for placing that burden on our relationship as well.
I came to the conclusion that I am burdening you with my lack of a larger ring of friends. I place a weight on you that I am basically always alone. I should never do that. I am also apologetic for that as well.
I'm positive you'll have an even better summer this year than last year. 


Love,
HaS

>>>{The Fray- Look After You}<<<

Monday, May 25, 2009

RE:Remembering full version

Remembering
The article

-HaS
*
I am a military Brat as people will call it. My family is made up mostly servicemen or former servicemen. My uncles, my cousins, my great uncles and there nieces and nephews. All the way down to my very own parents. You can still see the service with in them today. It changes a person. Disciplines them even. My own parents however do not want me to enter the armed forced in any fashion whatsoever. Now they never said I couldn't. They just feel its not a necessary route for me to undertake. I understand that. The amount of service and dedication you have to put into being in the armed forces puts a strain on your family and in times like these its best to avoid anymore strain. I have an inner and utmost respect for men and women within the military. Not trying to say anything by this next statement but many of you know it to be true. When people say they have a respect for them often times its is a tad cliche, often people respect them for the simple fact that they themselves couldn't push themselves to do it. My respect however comes from experience I should say. Many people don't know what it's like to watch one of your parents in a uniform and rifle headed off to another country for months on end. Many people don't know the mental strain it places on couples and their families not just immediate but the entire family. I on th other hand am able to keep things at the front of my mind without it hurting too much as others tend to push it to the back in hopes things work out for the best. I guess I can do that because well I had to. My father,yes the man I love but have a horrible relationship with, served in Korea and in the Gulf war the first one.
I have a few pictures of him and all its kinda funny, I can see why he says I remind him of him {lol}...the truth of the matter is I have never really said this but there are a few times very fair and wide they maybe that I have a really high respect and pride in what and where my father has gone in his life. Those moments are rare and I try my hardest to hang on to them. Thats what this post is about.
me and my father

My father and his brothers

*

I do agree with you. The sad part my own family which has mostly military men and women involved look at it as just a way to kick off the summer. At the current moment my uncle is serving his 6th or 7th tour overseas going back and forth from IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN. My father served in the first gulf war my great uncles served in WWII and another one of my uncles served in Kuwait at the start of the war. My mother being of also a military background acts the way the rest of the nation does even though the war itself effects directly more than most.

So in agreement, Yes today is a day of remembrance....

Saturday, May 23, 2009

You are

Song to consider >>>[The Gift-Seether]<<<

You!
You are the one who won't let me get past
You are the one who reveals the darkness behind the laughs
Image of a person who reminds me of scars
The flaws, because
The cause of the fake
The revealer of my mistakes
unearthing secrets I believed would never escape

The eyes of a liar
The hands of a writer
The eyes of power
aren't these the same hands from that shower
of the words you rained
drained, and stained on a page
You are the one who shows my weakness
and shows my meekness
The greatest foe I've ever had
The one whom I couldn't hide from,
saw the truth through my laughs

The sides I never reveal
you seem to un-conceal
Every time I see you it feels unreal
The power of your silence
The words un resilience
The things I see
the words I breathe
My shadows don't know the difference between us
The things you show me are the things between us

Why do you have to be so close to me
Why do you have to be so you, so me
The words unspoken, things become clearer
I love you, I hate you, DEAR Mirror.....

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Tomorrow I'll miss you

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you;
Remember I'll always be true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home ev'ry day,
And I'll send all my lovin'to you.

God those lyrics ring in my head as if they were trying to tell me something. Oh yeah I know,
Tomorrow, Jessica, I will in fact miss the hell out of you. I always do.....

20sb

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