Monday, April 27, 2009

Mr. Carter

Retrospect....okay so I kinda changed my mind on wayne. I still don't truly like him but I am willing to listen to his music. I went out and bought The Carter III. The song that got me was not Mr. Carter or A Milli or LALA. No it was Tie My Hands. Hit me like a ton of bricks when he said

"yeah, some say tragedies is hard to get over but sometime that tragedy means its over soldier, from the academy legal frolers i deny being down though they seen the holers my shoulders is strong i prove them wrong i aint doing nothing but moving on let the truth be known but they talk that freedom matters and didn't even leave a latter damn"

Oddly he's done this before in the song something you forgot. He said

"My momma asked about you, my partners did tooI know your daughter will be so amazin' like you and I know you probably wish you never met me, and I just wish you never forget me and let me say, please don't worry 'bout the women I have been with No engagement can amount to your friendship and I hope that nigga know he got a queen, and all I can do is dream .. DAMN!"

I mean to be honest, I'm keeping an open mind now...HaS is changing...

I heard the the track Dontgetit and it changed the way I looked at him for the rest of my life. Got damn. He is one intelligent brotha. The album itself isn't that good I must say. However I will never look at Wanye the same way ever again. I am willing to listen to him more now than I did before I decided to listen to his album. This is what he said

"I was watchin T.V. the other day right
Got this white guy on there talkin bout black guys
Talkin about how young black guys are targeted
Targeted by who?
You see, one in every 100 Americans are locked up
1 in every, 9 black Americans are locked up
And see what the white guy was trying to stress was that
The money that we spend on sending a motherfucka to jail
A young motherfucka to jail
Would be less to send, his or her young ass to college (heh)
See, and another thing the white guy was stressing was that
Our jails are populated with drug dealers
You know crack, cocaine, yeah, stuff like that
Meanin due to the laws we have on crack cocaine and regular cocaine
The police are only
I don't want to say only right, but shit
Only logic by riding around in the hood all day
And not in the suburbs, because
Crack cocaine is mostly found in the hood
And um, you know the other thing is mostly found...
You know where I'm going
But why bring a motherfucka to jail
If it's not gonna stand up in court
Because this drug ain't that drug
You know level 3, level 4 drug, shit like that (heh heh)
Mmm hmm, I guess it's all a misunderstanding, and um
I sit back and think well shit us young motherfuckers, You know, that 1 in every 9 We probably only selling the crack cocaine just because we in the hood And it's not like the suburbs We don't have the things that you have Why? I really don't want to know the answer, but uh... I guess we just misunderstood uh, yeah You know we don't have room in the jail Now for the real motherfuckers, the real criminals, you know Sex offenders, rapists, serial killers, shit like that Don't get scared, don't get scared I know you saw one them sex offenders papers Don't trip, he live right on the end of your block, mmm hmm Yeah, that nigga live right down the street from you Sex offender on a level 3 drug, convicted, ex-con, yeah, check him out And what you got, you got daughters, son, what you got? Yeah, well you know what (coughing) (that's the good weed) You know what? I have a fuckin daughter You understand me? And, why the fuck would you bring my neighbor To jail just because the reason why he live next door to me Ain't the reason why I live next door to him Mean that, he didn't rap his way to my fuckin neighborhood He sold crack cocaine to get to my neighborhood You move him out, bring him to jail for life And then you move in a sex offender, heh heh heh They giving me a paper, heh heh Is that a misunderstanding, cause I don't understand it
Another thing, let me take my glasses off
Cause I want to see the reaction on the faces when I say this
Uh, Mr. Al Sharpton, here's why I don't respect you
And nobody like you, hmm hmm, see
You're the type that gets off on gettin on other people, heh hehe
That's not good, no homo
And rather unhuman I should say
I mean, given the fact that humanity, well, good humanity rather
To me, is helpin one another, no matter your color or race
But this guy, and people like him
They'd rather speculate before they informate, if that's a word, heh heh
You know, spect before check, anyway
Mean that, I much rather you talk to me first and see if you
Can learn an opinion before you make one
Just my thought of good humanity, Mr. Sharpton (heh heh)
Hold on, I ain't finished with you man
Gotta pluck the ashes, mmm hmm, hold on, um
Mr. Sharpton, and anyone like you, you don't know me
So, if you're not goin to try to, then what you say
Or think about me, or whatever I do is totally Casper the friendly ghost
To me, and, it doesn't make you a good person to
Criticize before you improvize
Doesn't necessarily make you a bad person neither but
The characteristics fall heavily into bad sway, hah hah
But since I am human, I am good and bad as well
But I try my hardest to stay good
And some of the things I do and say may be bad, or just not too good
But I do try
So with that said, I don't fault you, I mean, you're only human
Good or bad, but I also don't respect you
And I don't care if that's good or bad, heh heh
You see you are no MLK, you are no Jesse Jackson
You a nobody, to me, you're just another Don King with a perm
Heh heh, just a little more political
And that just means you're a little unhuman than us humans
And now, let me be human by sayin fuck Al Sharpton
And anyone like him, fuck if you understand me
I love being misunderstood, why?
Cause I live in the suburbs but I come from the hood
Bring the hook in!"


Saturday, April 25, 2009

deadly plea

Call this message a death note
begging god to kill me, suddenly close my throat
my heart is fuckin' weary so very hard to cope
there's no one left here to hear me, please send this last note
Tears run outta my eyes and nothing to catch em with
No time for jokes or wit
I swear god come get me I can't take it here no more
I know the heavenly gates aren't open but please make room for one more
And if not in your hands then send me to the other man
I feel it suits me much better, black clothes and wasted lands
fire brewing as far as I can see
burning for the rest of eternity, so much better than trying to sleep
I been asking you to kill me for quite a long while
Rain, sleet or snow Father please come get your broken child
Black heart and no play is keeping me at bay
If not kill me at least send me some way
to look in someone eyes and see some kinda of hope
give me a baby girl, through her I'll learn to cope
Worth more to the world than pure gold,
Her value unlimited I swear I'll never spend it
If I can't have that, then I don't wanna be alone crying in Lenox...lenox...lenox

[I'm not suicidal...]

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

It was worth it

It was worth it
It was all worth it
Even though in the end I found out I ain't perfect
But baby girl it was worth it
I won't keep searching
I swear on everything I love, you were perfect
I made mistake but baby in the end it don't take away or hurt it
It makes us stronger and our friendship fonder
You can't tell what we have isn't stronger
With all our mistakes we still be screaming
It was worth it
It was all worth it
Even if the end we found out we ain't perfect
We had problems who else doesn't
But we both glad we tried cuz we loved being somethin'
We both know that it was worth it
I would rather tried and failed than to be a wasn't
Baby girl you were perfect
and today you're flawless and I can't help it
YES! It was worth it
It was all worth it!
I know for a fact that I ain't perfect!
But without her nigga I am worthless

Friday, April 17, 2009

Acts :1

think, breathe, or act alone
let you talk stupid or let you stand on ya own
Its kinda funny how I let my loved ones get the best of me
to let em know I care I neglect them heavily
try to keep them at bay
try to push them away
hoping they never feel the pain
and never let them see the smile leave me face
if I let em know I care it jeopardizes me my place
and I regret saying so but things come tumbling down
and yet I never give in, I show no emotion but sometimes you can see my frown.
a bad boy in on my face, a G in my mind and lover in my soul
hopefully someday somebody will see my fucking halo

the one and only for me she seems to know different
somehow she can see what's going to happen from the present
I guess she saw me coming and knew what would happen
I guess she saw this running and didn't I'm clapping
applauding her performance and cheering her on
I'm pretty sure she knew I was to be the best she had ever loved on
and now that loves gone I guess she saw it too
Maybe its just me or its this fuckin' room
My mind is spinning I see something in my view
Its definitely got me confused
Its like I see what's inside me and its in you
We both try to see what's coming and we both lose
I did the same thing and was proved wrong by whom
maybe if you gave it try you'd see it to be true

We all try our best to make those around us proud
but instead looking inside selves we look around
but the fucked up part about it is if we stay true to who we
are those we care about will always be proud....

Monday, April 13, 2009

tale of the fisherman

Ladies and Gentlemen I now present to you the extent of H.a.S.'s free and unlimited mind
please feel free to laugh, cry, question, doubt, argue any thing you want with me after reading the entire entry.
I now present:

The Fisherman's Tale

It's 6:29 am on Sunday, September 29th 2013 and I am pulling my small but roomy boat into the lake. Its time to catch myself some dinner. I have been craving myself some fish for about a good week now. Understand that I am an older gentleman, 53, to be exact. I have been fishing in this same lake since I was sixteen. I see life to be so much like fishing sometimes its not funny. Life is calm and peaceful if you make it that way. You can make it fierce and violent if you so choose. Although for the most part life is but a fishing trip. When the trip is over either you have something to show for the fruits of your labor or, well, you don't. I will say that there is one part of life that is so much like fishing that its not funny. You may or may not agree with me but through all my years I have come to a conclusion about the most important aspect to our existence. Love is what I'm talking about. It's a confusing little number in everyone's life that no one really knows how to navigate. It seems like an impossible river for some to even fathom to cross and to others its not so bad, tough, but nothing too extreme. Now I say love is like one aspect of fishing for many reasons.
{line of my fishing rod snags and begins to reel away}
And this my friend is the reason I compare Love to fishing. At that split second in time was literally what really defines Love to me. When your fishing line begins to reel out. I bet you are asking yourself what in the world is this old man getting at and why will he not get to the point?! Well here it goes. I as the fisherman have only two options when that line snags much like in love. When that line tugs, I can either "A" let the line reel until the fish snaps the line or "B" fight to reel that fish in. When I decide to make a choice I have two more options and two consequences to deal with. Those two options are as follows. If you let the fish go then you don't lose anything but line and a hook. If you decide to fight this feisty Lil' fish, you then have to realize that you can lose this fish by fighting too much and not fighting enough.

But there is one thing I would like you to keep in mind while all this is happening. That fish for whatever reason became attracted to your lure and hook, once hooked you begin to hurt them.

Now, naturally you're hungry so you are going to fight back! So you are fighting this hurt Lil fishy and they are fighting for their lives and after a while that fish either has enough strength to swim away or get reeled in. Now lets assume you reel your Lil fishy in, okay? You have two options. Eat the fish or let the fish go. Now why on earth would you let the fish go right? That's for you to determine. Now let me get down to the nitty-gritty of what all this means. Your fishing line is your attractiveness to lure the opposite sex. The hook is love. Now if you are following this you should have already caught on so don't spoil it for me I like telling my explanation. Now once this fish/person is hooked it hurts like hell. You have them in ways they never saw imaginable regardless of their own independent emotions love HURTS! It's not a painless game. Your fishy then has to decide on whether or not it wants to allow the hook to reel them in what ever direction or fight to get away. Much like many people out there these days, the minute they get close they run for the freaking hills. Now if the fish fights the fish could snap the line which is what attracted them to you in the first place and get away or they could be reeled in. Being reeled in is literally a chances game. I, as a fisherman, may wanna toss them back and find another. The fish literally has no choice once its given in. The poor Lil thing is tired and in a lot of pain. Now lets go back to our earlier comparison. If you as a person become attracted to a person then get hooked with love the reason you hurt is because you are vulnerable. The fish feels the same way. The fish's fight or its life is you fighting not to be so vulnerable. Your fishing line is what attracted them to you in the first place, so if it snaps then obviously the person no longer finds you attractive. But my true question is in the split second when the line tugs and the fish realizes it's hooked when and where does the fisherman's state of mind and the fish's state of mind become tied and the efforts of one is the same goal as the others? Where in that split second do we has lovers decide to fight to love a person and decide to just let them go? Where in that extremely tiny lapse of time do we as the hooked fish to give in? The fish has options too you know. Now with all that said if the fish doesn't snap the line and the fisherman decides to reel in the fish the two are then working in unison for a common goal to reach a certain destination. When the two arrive at their destination is when all the pain and damage done to one another is realized. Sadly someone must get hurt. How so? Well either the fisherman eats or starves, or the fish lives or dies. No where in the equation does the fisherman keep the fish for a pet(except when you are working at an aquarium). Love is like fishing my friend, it hurts, its tough, its a desicion that could change your life for ever, literally! But mostly it has to happen, unless you are a hunter but I don't believe in hunting with a gun...bows and arrows are my fortay. Yes I'm half Native American.
Anyway its now 12:00 pm and its getting hot, time to change the bait. I love that saying there's plenty of fish in the sea problem is you don't hook every fish in the sea ;)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

terrible mistake

Please note this is not an apology*
I know you don't want one*

What do you do when you made too many mistakes?
Turn around and start from a different place
put on a new facade, yeah a different face
I gotta say things got outta hand it was the way things went
I was mad in love and everything was new and different
I can safely say the same things went through you
I can see it in your eyes, baby I miss you too
I made so many mistakes and I can't take em back
I can't promise to not make em again, that's a fact
But let it be known nothing you ever say will change that
I will always feel like we were made for each other, remember that
We met on a sunny day, yeah in math class
you came in clumsy and mad late, couldn't help but laugh
but for some odd reason I couldn't keep my eyes off of you
I saw real love was what I could offer you, and true
things took off real fast but slow enough that we could grasp it
That way we took a hold of things and knew it could last, shit
and now that I'm looking back it was a beautiful thing
the places we went to and the simple things
you were always my good girl and never left my side
and I can't believe after this pain I let you cry
I dried your eyes when we had our first fight
sadly over the same shit but on a different night
we had the same damn argument over and over
and yet it never got through, that you wanted me and us and all that we do
I guess I still gotta grow up it still hasn't changed much
I'm trying to be the man you need and dream of and such
but instead I play on your heart and cause you to shut down
just when things were going good, I made a bad and you frowned
and Ma all I ever wanted to do was make you happy and make you smile
and all I've ever brought was, pain, confusion and a bad smile
I'd drive a thousand miles just to get you take me back
but I fuck up so much on the same shit, why would you ever do that?
I think I've said my piece on whats happened and whats going on
this a song for you boo boo, sweetheart, lil pececita of mine

I been thinkin bout
I been thinkin bout
I been thinkin bout u lately
Thoughts take me to when we were close
Addicted 2 your love, feel i need another dose
I know it's a feeling
That should be long gone
Things seem to come up
when I hear our song
Golden brown girl, it seem so long
Since i heard your voice
where did the king go wrong?
emotions that that they linger on
i guess cause i never knew a love so strong
so many hotgirls
i need your warm
the taste of your mouth
girl i need your warm
good food and love
i need your warm
this here was made before we were born
a dreamer, so i'ma keep dreamin on
it's kinda like the breakup of jen and vince vaughn

they say you don't know know know
what you got
til' what u got is gone
yeah i write such and such yo alot

but the feelings not as strong
we were like 2 birds
that were able to fly
i try to pick the right words to say to the sky
somedays i would try but wasn't able to cry
i never been good at sayin goodbye
i take a deep breath when the times is hard
when i reminisce over u, my god
i spent many years tryna be the heartthrob
i guess it's only right that i got my heart robbed
the scent of a room that reminds me of u
a hint of perfume it remind me of u
take a look at the moon it remind me of u
hope the stars and the gods
align me and you

We do what we do
and we do what we live
i luv this way
cause i got it as a kid
wit so much to give from it
i never hid
the love that i wrote on the mirror it got smeared
my friends say it was a change for the better
but i say, girl u changed my forever
relationships they can be as strange as the weather
rain or sun
we can sang this together

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Thoughts to a song

Thoughts about you....damn they seem to be getting me in trouble
they seem to be making me hurt and happy and mad and sad and
the emotions do nothing but swirl in my head and heart and never
seem to stop. Its like things will never just work out for me sometimes
the fukktup part is that they always do for me and I don't deserve it.
She completes me damnit. She is that quake that wakes me up, she is
that fire that burns ever so constantly in my heart and soul. Her smile
makes me capable of moving, her voice drives me home. She's literally
number three and its hurts so bad to know I can't do anything for her
It kills me to know she is in this situation and as much as I want to help
I feel like I'm making things worse. I've never felt this way about anybody
I've never had a bond like this. There is something here that makes me stay
and honestly its deeper than love. My heart sings when she kisses me
my soul cries when she calls me baby my heart breaks when shes gone
I miss her all the time. I check my phone every fucking minute almost in
anticipation on her response to whatever I say to her. She makes me want to
be the best man in her life. Her love makes me stronger and tears me down
at the same time. Her tears nearly kill me even though all I do is stare at her
when she cries. This whole situation just makes me wanna cry and give up
on life and love and hope itself. I've never looked at woman like this. I have NEVER
EVER been able to look at a woman and say I wanna give you children and a house.
This relationship has taken its toll on both of us and I understand why its
never going to be a good idea to try again. I understand why we could never truly be
but my heart has never been so open before. I've never had a woman love me like
she LOVES me. I swear to God if the winds of change make things possible for me
and her to just be together and happy. I'd be forever grateful. I wouldn't ever doubt
her again. I wouldn't worry about her feelings for another man. I wouldn't ever dare
look at her things again. I'd trust her with all my heart. This whole situation just makes
me weak to my soul. I'm tired Lord, I am. I know in my soul my fate is intertwined with hers
and it will be for a little while longer but anymore time with her beyond that would be
nothing short of a God given blessing. God I would make her the happiest I ever could
I'd give her all of me, I'd get on my knees everyday and thank you for everything you have ever given me. I'd never leave her side. I'd stay by her side longer and more faithful than I ever have to anyone. I don't wanna beg. I don't want her given to me and be a nightmare. I just wish things would work out for us. Her heart is so torn and her soul is so wary I see it in her eyes. I just wanna take that pain and suffering away from her. I've never loved so deeply and yet so fearful at the same time. I fear I don't know the true her yet. I fear that she isn't the woman I fell for many months ago. And the part that nearly kills me is that I secede to the God given notion that she could quite possibly be that woman and lover and friend made for me. The unearthly feeling that somewhere back in time our paths crossed and we were the same way. That some how or another we are(and I say this with hands shaking) we are...written in the stars...we are like the characters in hancock, the lovers in westside story, the two lovers in every single cheesy movie and story that everyone knew was destined to be something powerful, that we are bound and woven together by a higher power...YOU COMPLETE ME...YOU LOVE ME...YOU COMPLETE ME...YOU HOLD MY HEART IN YOUR HANDS...

You Complete Me lyrics
:Keyshia Cole

Can you hear me out there?
Have you ever had someone who loved you
Never leave your side?
I know you'll be here because you love me, yes, you do

I'm givin' all my life and all my love if you
Promise me that you'll be here forever
I'll give you all of me, I'll give you everything
If you promise me you'll never leave me

What my friends say don't matter
You'll be right here from the start
And I'll get on my knees, I'll give you all of me
If you never leave my side, because

You love me, you complete me
You hold my heart in your hands
And it's okay 'cause I trust that
You'll be the best man that you can
Baby, you love me, yeah, oh yes, you do, yeah

And no matter what they ever say about you
I'm gonna stay by your side
Promise me no matter what they say about me
That you're gonna be here until the end of time

'Cause you held me down when nobody was around
And gave me all the love I need
So give me more, don't you ever leave
'Cause you complete me

I know, you love me, you complete me
You hold my heart in your hands
And it's okay 'cause I trust that
You'll be the best man that you can

'Cause you, give me my heart back
Give me my love back, baby
I want it all because it's never enough
Give me my heart, give me my love back
I want it all because it's never enough

You love me, you complete me
You hold my heart in your hands
And it's okay 'cause I trust that
You'll be the best man that you can

You love me, you complete me
You hold my heart in your hands
And it's okay 'cause I trust that
You'll be the best man that you can

And it's okay
I know you do, I know you do
Yes, you do, I need you, too
Yeah, I love you, baby, ohh


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