Sunday, August 30, 2009

What comes to mind

There are many things that are held inside
many times yeah they all come to mind
situations between me and you that had much to give
those moments mami I swear all of them I wanna live
That moment when we first touch
and the shock rides your spine
feels too good but not too much
a kiss that always feels like the first time
the eyes that had mesmerized, had me paralyzed
My heart beats fast but my mind is on a grind
Yeah there's alotta times that come to mind
with all these feeling that I have for you girl deep inside
and after everything is thought one thing resides
you were the one for me but I wasn't the one for you
It was great while it lasted but now, i gotta find something new


Friday, August 28, 2009

CW Post Long Island New York :)

CW Post Long Island UNIVERSITY
C.W. Post Campus, Long Island University
720 Northern Blvd., Brookville, New York 11548

Transfer Admissions Requirements

Transfer applicants need a minimum 2.0 cumulative grade point average computed over 24 college credits to be reviewed by the Admissions Committee.

Some programs, such as Nutrition, Nursing, Radiologic Technology, and Social Work require higher grade point averages.Performing Arts programs may also require a portfolio review, audition, and/or interview.Transfer students who have completed less than 24 college credits are required to submit high school transcripts and SAT/ACT scores. The Admission Committee takes the high school record into account along with the college record.

C.W. Post will accept a maximum of 72 credits from two-year colleges and 96 credits from four-year colleges and universities. The minimum grade required for a course to transfer is C-. Students transferring directly to C.W. Post upon completion of an Associate’s Degree may transfer courses in which they received D grades, provided those courses were required for the degree. Remember, we respond quickly within 24 to 48 hours to requests regarding how many credits you may transfer.

Tuition: $27,368 per year; per credit: $854
Room and Board: Double Occupancy/Meal Plan 2 $10,540 per year
Student Activity/University Fees: $1,400 per year (full-time)

Undergraduate/Part Time - (less than 12 credits)
Tuition per credit $854
Full Time* 12-18 credits $13,684 + fees
Audit Fee per credit $427

All Colleges and Schools - (University Fee)
12 or more credits $600
1 to 11.9 credits $300
* Possible Special Fees

Student Activity Fee
12 or more credits $100
Less than 12 credits $7 per credit

Meal Plan Rates
Pioneer Living Plan 1 (carte blanche meals/$125) $2,018
Pioneer Living Plan 2 (14 meals/$300) $1,820
Pioneer Living Plan 3 (10 meals/$375) $1,669
Pioneer Living Plan 4 (7 meals/$275) $1,446
• All resident students with 30 credits or less are required to enroll in Meal Plan One.
• Meal Plans are mandatory for resident students.
• There are also several commuter plans available for all students

Residence Life
Residence Hall: Fees - (per semester)
Double Occupancy $3,453
Single Occupancy N/A
Double Occupancy (Suite) $3,494
Summer - (per five week session)
Double Occupancy $1,269
Single Occupancy $1,721

Student Health Insurance
Dorm Insurance $700 annually
International Insurance $700 annually
Clinical Insurance $700 annually
Athletic Insurance $700 annually

So Yes everyone I am most definitely considering this school. They are an excellent school up in New York. The tuition and it has so much to offer me as a student. I mean honestly this is the school I want to get into. I think I am going to apply to all of top three now :)


Thursday, August 27, 2009

Black Heart Inertia

Okay so I'm wide a-fuckin-wake and am on this tip to go to New York. In my head I am telling myself the positives of actually moving to New York. It seems my body is now a little more inclined to move to New York lately for some unearthly reason. So am I up looking up jobs and schools in New York and their requirements for residency and also for transfer students.
So far here are the schools I have looked at when it comes to tuition and transfer students it looks reasonable to me:
  1. Berkeley College, 130 William Street New York, New York 10038
  2. St. John’s University, 8000 Utopia Parkway Queens, New York 11439
  3. St. Joesph's College, 155 West Roe Boulevard, Patchogue, NY 11772
  4. Cornell University, 410 Thurston Avenue, Ithaca, NY 14850
  5. Manhattan College Riverdale, NY 10471 since the address isn't given 718-862-8000
Recently I also chose to look up a few jobs. Honestly I have to say there are way more jobs up there than there are down here.

First Up of my top two of my 5 researched. Berkeley College
Tuition Cost $6350 per quarter. Now that may seem like a lot but in reality its not that much more than I pay at AIU. Residency is 42100-2200 for double residency and $2400-2800 for single residency. The school even added a MISC costs for all the other costs a student runs into. Total costs equals $7360 a year this includes books, personal expenses, and transportation.

Second up of my top two of my 5 researched. St. John's University
Tuition Cost $29350 per year. Now that seems steep but not to bad if you ask me. The other fees that I could run and will most assuredly run into will bring me to a grand total of $14490 this includes room and board, meals all fees for classes, application fee, and an additional late fee because I know me[lol].

I don't know sounds good if you ask me. I think I'll definitely have to mow all this over and contact their financial add departments and see how much money I am allegable to attain. Hopefully I'll get something.

Monday, August 24, 2009

The Dotted line

I gotta say that that was the bottom
hoping for something that I know won't happen
its funny to me how a bit of inspiration leads to a dream
funny how the heart speaks with no words
and how easily it can sway your days
changing your best mood,
That silence in solitude that can turn to tears

After a day of being completely lost at who I am and what I am about I came to some conclusions. Sickness not only fucks up your daily life but also your brain chemistry. I had been on bed rest for about 5 days this past week. Being able to walk around and talk to people feels awesome. I was happy VERY happy before I got sick. Now that my sickness is fading and I am returning to normal physically, I want my damn happy back. I notice it ain't coming back that easy. During my solitude I also noticed what my heart has been searching for so damned hard to find.
For years I have felt alone, and at first I thought it was the absence of a lover. So down that trek I lead myself. What a blinding and truly damaging road that was and still is. My heart is alone but not in love. I grew up so differently than other kids that I have been exposed to. Many growing up in the same neighborhoods for long periods of time, or moving from one place to another but many times going back to one place or they grew up so damn random I can't relate. I grew up in many places. I grew up with Koreans, Mexicans, Dominicans, whites and blacks. I didn't grow up in a small town. I grew up in many cities. I was a military brat at the beginning of my life. I find it hard to relate to people.
I hate walking into a room full of people and being stared at like a piece of strange meat the dog dragged in. Its discouraging. No! I am not like everyone else. I listen to rock, LOUDLY and I'm black and live in the south. I wanna play guitar, in high school everyone had a crew of people that they fit in with. The messed up part was I fit in no where. Not even amongst the nerds man, WTF! I look for companionship everywhere and have finally seen that, I am an anomaly in the equation of what a black man is. I don't talk like, act like, walk like, listen to the same music, think like or even fit the description of a typical black man.
With that said imagine what women see? I mean I hear that women look at me and see one of two things, gay or taken...(-_-), first off I can't stand other men too much anyway so those of you who even let that cross your mind go play with it(that thought of me being gay) in the middle of traffic. Most see that I'm taken, but the truth of the matter is I'm usually single. I don't hit on women alot because well I'd get sick of being hit on everywhere I went. That and I would rather get to know you before I decide to share bodily fluid with you.[lmfao]
The times that stick out to me the most have to be how I grew up and how other men grew up. My father, yeah not a great father, nor a very good one at that to be honest, didn't raise us to be men. To be honest he raised us to be something else. We were never close to relatives, like other people. Never shown how to interact with other men by him. He never showed us what pride in ones abilities looked like or even felt like. He never showed us how to walk tall and be confident. To be honest he didn't show us(me and my brother) what its like to be a man. A man shouldn't have to ask that from his father. My father, a confused native american male, his father left when he was 12 so he didn't know how to raise men. I don't fault him for that, that was not his fault. Just the things my father tried to provide us with separated us from other kids but in ways that made it hard for us to handle other people. Yes, he has been there, but he's just been a figure for many years. Those past 6 years of my life to be honest, I should actually be dead somewhere. Its strange to me when I see other guys getting really into watching football. I'll play it but I don't like to watch it. I find many things that guys do to be so very strange because well my knowledge when it comes to male interaction is very little. When it comes to female interaction its actually the same damn thing. He never talked with us about liking girls, or what he used to do. He honestly doesn't even speak about his childhood.
Anyway all I can say is the lack of similarities with others gets to me such to a level that it affects the way one preseves oneself. As I grew up no matter where I went I was always said to be different. Not like everybody else. After a while a person whom is deemed different wonders where are all the other people out there that are cast out as different from the norm? Or even if those people exist? Am I ever going to fit what women want? Will I ever just be able to just hang with the fellas? It plagues ones mind to a point where they find themselves always discontent not only with themselves but with the world around them.

thoughts for now

Friday, August 21, 2009

on that note

on that note I hope you see
that I will amount to something
on that note I hope you are
there when it all to happens for me
on that thought,
I hope from then on
you don't see me as nothing
from then on I hope
I hope I make you proud of me


Wednesday, August 19, 2009

For Last

Its 4:37 a.m. and honestly I have been waking up a lot lately because I can't sleep. Not because I am horny, or hungry, or because of bodily functions, no nothing of anything of that sort. Its never because I have someone or something on my mind. The reason I have been having broken sleep is because I keep hearing songs playing in my head but at the same time, I'd much rather be awake than be asleep.

It was once said by Dr. Seuss -“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” But honestly I'm not in love with anyone. I'm just happy and in love with life again. Its so strange to me...

As for every lover I have lost to get to this point I'm not sad or mad. I'm fucking happy for all of them. They all moved on to other people and for the most part seem content. Dr. Seuss -
“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." All I can say is man I have never been so excited to get going on my life's journey no matter how hard or how difficult it may get, I still want my German Shepard, My Harley-Davidson, my own apartment, to be fully trained in two martial arts, and to see the world. I just am happy again and its mind blowing...

Many people don't understand how it feels to finally be free of my insecurities, be free of my doubts, be free of my shame, be free of all dark thoughts that once clouded my judgment and my heart. I know that many people just do not understand what it feels like to look in the mirror and finally see yourself after all these years, it honestly feels like nothing else I've ever felt...

Just to smile again feels so great. To be happy just being me is like God lifted the stress off of my shoulders and showed me things are okay. It feels wonderful to just be me again. To listen to music in the morning and make my bed. It feels wonderful to make plans with literally anybody to go hang out. What feels even better is to make plans with myself and just enjoy them to myself. I am enjoying looking into things at my own will. It took years for me to realize I can't make anyone happy if I'm not happy first...and honestly I wanna perfect me being happy on my own before another person enters my life permanently again. They say save the best for last so with that said finding a person is literally what I wanna do. I wanna go and do me and see this nation and the rest of the world. It would be awesome if I had a companion to go do this with but I guess my dreams and wishes are enough to company on life's short but wonderful journey.


Current Track

Tuesday, August 18, 2009



In the 15th and 16th Centuries, Africans were taken away from their homelands and thrown into ships that carried them away to new lands recently discovered by the great European powers of that era. After arriving they were kept like cattle; slaves were branded with red-hot irons and housed in crowded, infectious slave quarters. In the "age of great discoveries" slaves were a valuable commodity. After days of intensive work, exhausted, these slaves were gathered into their quarters, receiving poor rations of food, becoming extremely undernorished and sick.

Dutch invasions between 1624-1630 caused temporary disorganization in the farms and sugar mills of Brazil. For the slaves, these invasions brought an opportunity for escape. Taking advantage of the nearby forests, they hid themselves and formed communities that would become known as Quilombos. They were organized politically and socially like African tribal societies. The leader of the Quilombos was a king called "Gunga-Zumba", later shortened to "Zumbi". This king was a great general, who became famous because of his defensive skills and numerous victories against the Portuguese.

When the Dutch were expelled from Brazil the slave owners send out armed expeditions to recapture the fugitives and destroy the Quilombos. Without a substantial amount of weapons, the ex-slaves realized they would have to defend themselves with their hands (and feet!). They created a style of self-defense that would stand against weapons and firearms. This style of fighting was called "Capoeira de Angola"; capoeiras were the name of the brushwoods where the fugitives entrenched themselves and it was believed that the first group of slaves who arrived in Brazil were from Angola.

In 1890 Capoeira was outlawed in Brazil. It remained outside of the law until in 1928, when Master Bimba (Manoel dos Reis Machado) founded what was known as "Luta Regional Baiana". A fusion of Capoeira Angola and batuque (street Capoeira) it was later called Capoeira Regional. During this time Capoeira became more than just a fight. It acheived national recognition and became what it is today: a dance, a sport, a game and an artistic expression of freedom.

I swear I am so freaking random but learning would be awesome :]

In The End


In the end this is what defeats me
the simple fact that I never meant anything
knowing after everything I was nothing
not something other than a phase
a scream, a cry for help
I was the one who was there on those long days
now its me who needs to be placed on a shelf?
To be forgotten and overlooked
to be taken for granted, bamboozled, fooled, shook?
No, na-uh, not me baby girl, things have changed
I have to say since I opened my eyes, shit ain't the same

Your words, once said
seemed like poison in my head
playing over and over, loud enough to wake the dead
Drowning you out with sleep and weed
Laughter amongst friends over a beer, yes indeed
A full recovery I deserve one, but no not you
I've said this before, my worst nightmares come true
through your pain, bad dreams, and more
To see you fall would be nice but a little twisted at best
I say this because you forgot me and everything that, well that is best
kept to me I guess
Gimme ten years and we'll see what happened to you and me, til then


Can I?

Can I? Can we? Heal?
The truth of the matter is I'm not sure if that is real
Can time fully heal those wounds?
Can you undo what you did too soon?
Can I truly fix you like new?
I have no answers for you or me
Just a little hope that you and I can, heal
trust and believe what I say is real
and that its not something I can go through again
The sleepless nights, the hunger strikes, the rain
The rain, the rain, the rain
shedding no true light all of the pain
you and I both know it well
The dark rooms, the lightening, the terrible feeling of hell
as though it swept cross us and tore us in half
yes that feeling that feeling is the one I can not have
no, not again, so please be true, be honest, be real
don't lie to me, can you really do that, can we really heal?



A response by Dauri

Yes love.
We've been hurt one by the other
we let the love we had for each other go
even though we both know or knew the pain it would cause
the blood it would draw
the tears that would fall
but u were there to catch every one
and I was warming your heart like the sun
I think if we rekindle what we once had
the love that often made us sad
but mostly made us glad
if you would look into my eyes
and see the passion that never died
my heart can finally sigh
a breath that's been waiting to go free
we're back to you and me

Dear Guitar

Free Verse speech to ones self

Man I owe you an apology
for years I forgot you, no I forgot me
my greatest fear is to be forgotten...
Why should anyone care if even I forgot me?
The one who was so head strong and forward
Never broke down, never stalled or stuttered...
The past three years you've been living a lie
telling yourself these dark things, praying, wishing to die...
The insecurity...the pain...the...Speechlessness
The cracks in your shell.....your weaknesses
Things got so out of hand, so far from your control
That which you despised was in your grip, my hold
Now that I've woken up and seen the damage with both of our eyes
can I breakdown now? Can I now allow myself to cry?
Can I go back on everything I've ever felt and fall apart?
Can I play this tune and let the tears be notes and let the scars be my guitar?


Saturday, August 15, 2009


Okay so its been a while since I have given the world an update on my life thus far. I think its time I gave an update. I got a speeding ticket in Dekalb county in June. I went to the recorders court but by the grace of God himself the power went out and they must hence forth reset my court date, thank you Jesus! I was going exactly 33 miles over the speed limit and according to a recent law past my liscence should be suspended because I was caught going 30 miles over the limit under the age of 21. So you can best believe that I am so very happy to be able to drive and take my happy ass to work.
Okay so I'm single and in the past month and a half I have meet a few new people that honestly deserve a good 7 laughs. First up is a good friend of mine named Hill. I swear she is cool people but is like the spitting image of Christena my ex girl friend whom fucked me over very very badly. Now with that said she acts and even walks like my ex. She has a similar voice but not exactly. I often times find myself getting irritated with her over dumb shit that my ex did that I couldn't stand back then. Gotta work on that. I am not, will not, and shall not ever date and/or persue any type romantic relationship with her. For several reasons. She is a serious pot head and sorry to say it but she runs through guys fairly quickly. In my head i'm screaming "Hell NAH not even, BUT we can be friends and be cool ye digg." Now as far as everything else about her, she seems to think I don't want her because of her weight. Well, thats partly true but the first two things I mentioned are the things that KILL her chances with a shotgun. Yes I will admit she is a heavier set woman but that aint whats killing it, its the fact that she acts like Christena that's killing it. So after basically demolishing all of her hopes to ever get with me we are now just good friends. And to be honest I enjoy that.
I also met this random Dominican girl named Lucy. Yes she has the same name as my car. Quite ironic if you ask me. But nonetheless she was just a reminder of what I like in a woman. I love Latina women. Don't get me wrong if you are of another race I won't discriminate, I will in fact participate :). Anywho she informed me that the Dominican restaurant that I used to go to quite often was actually a cover up for a drug operation and the owner is now in jail for a LONG time.
Now aside from that Dominican there are my friends the Vazquez family. Justin recently moved to Georgia to live with his family here. He's cool as hell, Dominican as fuck. Now the part that has me in a bind is the fact that the house hold contains not one but two children under the age of 1 and there happens to be a lot of well unlawful activity going on if you get my drift. I honestly don't want to be apart of that anymore. Especially because the last few times I was there, 5 police squad cars pulled up. It was on that note that I decided it was time to move forward.
It was recently that I remembered who I was. Being that yes I had lost myself. I had lost myself for exactly 3 years and 2 months. Never thought I'd be the one to say this but I'm glad I finally recognize myself. Could you imagine waking up every single morning for 3 years and not recognizing yourself in the mirror. Every time I would pass by a mirror or see my reflection I was surprised or worse, I didn't even know that's what I looked like that day. Yes I could remember what I was wearing but I could never put my face on anything. I couldn't recall my own image. It was after watching the movie Orphan and smoking a good bit of marijuana that I realized what happened to me. You see I am not a perfect child, I was in fact involved with drugs, gangs, and honestly a lot of illegal activity that I know for sure that I should be in jail for. Thank God I'm not. The past is the past and moving forward is what life is about. It turns out that when my best friend left the state to get away from one person, it changed me. I didn't follow my dreams anymore, I didn't believe in myself anymore, and I didn't recognize myself anymore. I am a musical person with my artistic attributes. So tell me how does an artistic person lose themselves so much that they abandon all artistic ties and take up criminal justice or business as a career? Well I somehow or another did and when the person that I was woke up from 3 years of sleeping, I literally asked myself WTF!? Why am I not in Florida? Why am I still in Georgia? Why am I criminal justice major and why don't I have anything music related or even art related in my belongings anymore? I don't know but for years I seemed to have forgotten myself and it only took three broken hearts and a broken dream to wake me up.
So now that I am awake I am considering moving to Florida again. I am currently trying to find an acoustic guitar and a teacher. I want to attend many poetry slams and begin a few of my own. I want to attend def poetry slam if not be apart of it then at least watch. I want to travel the world and hopefully along the way find that perfect girl.

DAMN, it feels good to be back :)


Friday, August 14, 2009

Nuff Said


Gina Carano- MMA fighter

Mayda del Valle- Chicago Poet

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Half Crazy

I get it this empty this void this feeling/
Its you and everything I've been missing/
My heart is speaking and its not alright/
The stitches I placed on it are no longer tied/
My smiles turn to laughs/
My frowns aren't as sad/
Its weird because all I want is my friend back/

{work in progress}

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Happier Without Me

I see the pictures, the posts and all the smiles
I see you having fun and doing shit you haven't done in a while
I see you dating and meeting new people all the time
I see you still wearing that locket of mine
I see the smiles at your phone and that look in your eye
I see the joy in your everyday life but I see through the disguise
I see the happiness in your future about to be
I also see that you are so much happier without me....


Free Sparrow

I know you're out there free
Beautiful song bird singing to me
Night air is crisp but refreshing
Flap your wings in excite, just to express it
or to express this
The feelings that you had while being locked away
I came to your heart, brought the key, you ran astray
I feel alone and still trying to find you
Your song gives me direction, I walk as if I were blind to,
The fact that you seem to be so far away
I take twelve more steps and she flaps further away
Trying to grab a hold of you is so damn hard
Who knew falling in love could leave such scars



The Sparrow Speaks<--

As I waited for you patiently
my heart grew weary, my eyes so teary
Finally, you emancipated my soul
suddenly I was elated as a whole being
seeing everything in life
except you
once it was free it left you in the cold
and again looking for me
but can you hear me singing?
I'm calling for you and when winter turns to spring
you'll see
that I was always near never far
I was right there in your heart
Open your eyes and look around
open your ears and you'll hear the sound of my voice
You'll see that I've been there all along
you'll hear the love in my song
and as for the scars it can leave,
I know the pain
and together we will heal

-Daurie Bodyy

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I know You're Out There

I know you're out there
on a back porch somewhere
Staring at the moon in the summer nights air.
Hair blowing to the wind
Praying and begging God to find the strength within
If not that then help from a being in skin
Storm clouds rolling in, thunder and lightening.
You too find an attraction to power
The one nature uses in flowers
birds and bees and black rosaries.
You wish it would one day take you
Whisk you up above to a place of peace
To where your power is not an equal but unique
And the rules of love and pain can never be reversed.
Yes you can recall this to the last verse
Nobody knows the pain nor the hurt
Forever and Always, never came first


Here is a response by Daurie :)
And so you found me
Staring through a midst of trees
up at a pale moon shining down on me
It's light is almost painfully blinding yet it's equally beautiful in that the light is binding with the dark
and such is life
You're right
I prayed and asked God to find the strength within
and He sent me you "a being in skin"
and when the storm clouds roll in, I know who to call
Him who stood by me through it all
So I thank you for not only looking
and seeing through the pain that's yours
but for opening the doors that have been locked for years
and drying the the never ending tears
looking past and seeing me
setting the sparrow free


My response

Free Sparrow

I know you're out there free
Beautiful song bird singing to me
Night air is crisp but refreshing
Flap your wings in excite, just to express it
or to express this
The feelings that you had while being locked away
I came to your heart, brought the key, you ran astray
I feel alone and still trying to find you
Your song gives me direction, I walk as if I were blind to,
The fact that you seem to be so far away
I take twelve more steps and she flaps further away
Trying to grab a hold of you is so damn hard
Who knew falling in love could leave such scars


Monday, August 3, 2009

bone chilling

Post Secret, gave me chills. Although I would like to think its a good thing.
If this true, I hope so.

{"If I could leave this place/ with a smile on my face/ I'd give up EVERYTHING just to make you happy/"}- Rick Ross- Valley Of Death-Deeper Than Rap

Believe that sweetheart


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