when life gets in the way

So as many of you know im at the Ranch. Everyday is like no other day here, well atleast for me it isn't. There are people getting fired and people getting hired. There are boys coming and boys going. The one thing that remains the same here to me is that the problems alwasy remain the same and seem to never have a solution in sight.

I'm not in school (-__-) but its okay it appears God has a different plan in mind for me than what I had. You know they say man plans and God laughs. I have a job now with sketchers. I am looking for a second to make a way for me to move out of the ranch. I want to save my money to put towards repairing my car. We shall see what happens right?

I am 21 and single, awesome! (this is said with sarcasm by the way)

I realized that I have such high expectations for myself that it literally takes somebody else to tell me I am doing just fine for me to realize wtf I have. I have been here for 4 weeks and some of the boys want me to work here and so do some of the staff. Well for some reason I feel like her opinion is bit biased, lol.

til next time

peace, love & faith
-Hazey

Starting Life a New (York Way of Life)

Haze is in the City...FINALLY!

Ive been in New York for a little over a week and damn near gave up. From the minute I landed in this bitch there's been some bullshit. Literally! We arrived 20 minutes early. I swear the flight and trip out of Atlanta was so smooth it scared me. Anyway we landed 20 minutes early to sit on the runway for an hour and thirty minutes just to get off the plane. I was so pissed! Then to make matters worse they lost our luggage...THE ENTIRE PLANES LUGGAGE! At this point all I can say is fuck La-Guardia! After waiting for another hour to get my luggage we leave and Sabrina's significant other was tripping already. I literally just got off the plane for this nigga to be tripping about me staying the night with her.SMFH!

So I am volunteering at a Ranch for troubled boys in Riverhead, New York..Yeah I said RANCH and New York in the same thought and sentence. Its straight though the kids are bad and somebody is gonna catch the ass-kicking of their life when I find out who stole my i-pod but other than that its been cool.

I miss home like crazy...
I must say that through everything I have been through I know my mom will be there for me and that she misses me...

Gabriela is out of my mind already she has pretty much showed me that she wont make any effort to see me at all when I literally live down the street from her. Sabrina needs to get herself in order and stop being boo'd up all the damn time. Time spent focused on the person in the mirror is time well spent.

I recently spazzed on my popz for calling me on some bullshit and leaving an angry voice-mail. So i told him about himself and haven't spoken to him since. I feel like I am obligated to have a relationship with him when in all honesty I don't have any desire to have a relationship with him at all.

I am at the school at the moment and all I can think about is will Financial Aid work out and allow me to move on the campus and start classes. That's all I want. I don't really want a relationship like soooooooo many people out there want. I just want to have my own. My own place, a new car so I can fix my baby(95 mustang), A GOOD JOB THAT I ENJOY, enough income to where I can send money home to my mom to help her out with whatever she may need. Life is unfolding differently than I thought it would.

I miss everyone at home more and more everyday and can not wait to see them again...

Yesterday I felt as though I would have to come home because I may not be able to work things out with the school. I also believed that even if I found a job I would not be able to get to it nor would I have a place to live. I felt like a complete failure...Like I didnt do enough to succeed...Like I let everyone I know and love down...

I wont know if my efforts to start life a New (York) will bare fruits until 5:30 this afternoon...


Peace, Love, and Faith
-Haze

when i need a reminder

this post was actually going to be a long drawn out compliant about my life and it s frustrations but instead im going curve this muthafucka and take a look at the people, the moments, and the opportunities being handed to me by God

• I have gained 5 of the best friends I'll probably ever have as an adult
• I have gained a sense of self
• I have gained a standing point for who I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually
• I have gained a stronger bound with my mother and even stronger bound with my brother
• I have become closer to my friends than I ever have before
• I understand my own thought patterns
• no kids
• no criminal record
• a job(which i will soon be quitting :])
• good health
• good looks(i have an ego too you know)
• and EVERY MOMENT  IN MY LIFE that has improved my life thus far(travel, education, certain people)
• I have gained a car that I will most likely have until i am much older
• I have gained the chance to break new grounds on who i am as a person in another state
• I have gained a much broader picture of what it takes to really be successful in life
• I have learned so much about myself since graduation that this move to NY on the 9th of August(bought my ticket saturday the 9th of July)

though I may feel as though i am failing at it now, i know with God my path is only bound to be an enlightening one...

In this life I have been asking for too little which is why I am always disappointed in the outcome of things, I learned to ask for more than what you want, because that way you are more likely to get exactly what you want...

i have much to complain about, but in the bigger picture of things its small...very small compared to literally anyone... I could complain about my job, my pay, my lack of the ability to save a dime, my excessive drinking and smoking, my paranoia with moving, my guilt when it comes to my mom and bro, etc!


But tonight I'm just going to say Thank You! and remember the list up there
-Hazey

today feb 8th 2011

Today February 8th was my birthday, I was in a good mood and literally in mood to just about anything. I gotta say my mind wasn't as scattered as last year. This year there's only one person on my mind and honestly she knows who she is.

On turning 21, im not sure how to feel really. I am happy of course. The hardest part about turning 21 is the realization that i am 21, ALL the hell I caught over not being 21 is over. I gotta say it feels good. I am and will remain me tho Im not a lush.

To be completely honest I have nothing to say on this post other than I am 21 finally and its almost not a big deal to anyone but me, myself, and I. I need outta here. At least I know and expect no one to give a shit about me. I guess what my mum says is true, only a hand full of the people you know will ever truly give a shit. I guess I shouldn't ask for more huh?

Atleast those mofos on facebook took the time to say happy birthday right??? So for that I am grateful :D
I am grateful for Gavin and Alison for taking me out on my bday. I AM  GRATEFUL FOR MY MOM taking me out on my bday night. I am also grateful for Sabrina's video....touched the heart....I am grateful that my father sent me a text msg this year...better than a facebook msg lol...i am also grateful for living to see this year. I pray that I will see many more.

I dont have a great wish for this year. I dont have a great desire for this year. I dont have a burning itch to do something because I am 21. I dont have a wish for this year which is different. This year I just want my life to go in the direction it was meant to go in God's plan for me.

thats all for now
-Hazey

The Evil thoughts and The Sermon

Evil Thoughts

Was it a mistake to say a thing to you?

I try to have faith but it slips and fades

throughout the day I show a different shade

I love you and you know it too

say it back but are your words true?

Do you understand what I feel

Do you understand what is real

Things that seem the same sometimes change

I know I said I don't expect anything

But would a text from you really mean anything?

a phone call or letter

talking about sex or even the weather

which is better?

a best friend who is unpredictable

or a lover whom isn't really believeable

damn...

-Hazey

Love is

The theme for this year is Love, Irony.

The sermon was on Love. The reverend told us to write down these 4 categories and grade ourselves OBJECTIVELY from 10 being the best and 1 being the worst. The categories were Pride, Envy, Rude Behavior, and Evil Thoughts.

The Reverend explained these categories one by one sorry I dont remember every word I just got down what I could catch that really stuck out to me.

"Nothing in the bible is as important and vital as love because God is Love."

First Corinthians 13:1-7

Pride- Love isn't prideful- anger or taking responsibility for your success- 5   

Envy- Love does not envy- comparing what you have to what others have- 5      

Rude behavior- love does not behave rudely- 6 

Evil thinking- Love does not think evil- suspicious thinking, dwelling on the thoughts of others- the ill natured thoughts of dwelling on the thoughts of others- 1  

God you just calmed my spirit with this sermon. Thank you Lord for answering my questions.  

What stuck to me the most was Evil thoughts because it was what I was dealing with all week. Recently I told my best friend somethings that I regret because I make them more complicated than they are. I have to tendency to dwell on other peoples thoughts and words and actions. Questioning the purity of there motives and actions. I have this unquenchable desire to find the truth when its just too good or too bad to be true. I don't take things as they are. My evil thoughts were strong enough to take me to a point where I questioned whether or not my best friend just felt sorry for me all these years or if she actually loved me, if so how much? Evil thoughts was where I scored the lowest it woke me up to be honest, and answered all my questions without a problem. In many ways I feel better about the situation I have before me and in other ways I feel as though I am in still in the dark. I guess I need more answers, Im not sure what else can be

Love is Corny

She said something in response to my words. "I think love movies are cheesy/corny" She responds "I guess it depends on your views of love"

So here is what erupted from that thought, my last love was the best point of reference because she's the only person whom WAS in love with me...

Being in love was like being on an island. Circling around the same subjects, some good some bad, not because I didn't understand the bad but because the problem was never truly solved. I felt like I was trapped in an ocean of their ambiguity.

Yes, an island. What is on the island depends on who you are in love with. I never knew what to do because no matter what I did the same results showed. I felt insane. Like I was trying to solve a puzzle that had no answer to begin with. Nothing to build shelter with but plenty of sunshine when they were were happy. When storms would rage their anger would unrest the seas. Their waves of subtle insults took forever to digest.

My thoughts on love are simple. Don't fall, fly...

The book of Proverbs

Dear God

I needed this trip more than anything. Thank you so much for making this all possible.

-Hazey

PS Ive been reading, lately you've been using those closet to me to reach out to me. I still don't know what your message is but I'm determined to figure it out.

New Thoughts

Now that I am fully aware, I have new questions about going forward. I mean I knew I had issues before: deep trusting issues, constant reassurance, and some other odd ends. But now that I am fully aware of this*clears throat* disorder, what changes? How do I tell women this? I mean would any relationship ever work if I have this disorder? Can I continue to be successful if I can manage to get this under control? I'm confused about what happens now...

Now that I look back at things, the fights with loved ones, I can see that things weren't as they appeared in my eyes. All I can say now is, where to next? Can I have a relationship and it work? Is it possible? Or is it just going to be the same uphill battle? These thoughts are discouraging but not deal breakers...

Sent from my iPod
-Hazey

Nice guy

Why I'm a nice guy

I am told that I am mean, selfish, stubborn, self centered, an asshole and even intimidating. There's a reason I'm that way, believe it or not. It's because I'm actually a nice guy. Contrary to what people believe most men are. I'm the latter becuase women take advantage of that niceness. They use it abuse it and laugh at the pain they cause. It's quite sick if you think about it, because when a man does the same we are called dawgs. Women, I am far from a bashed of your species. I love women for many many reasons some apparent and others not so much. But it seems to me that if I'm not a complete asshole to you, you don't care about me. It's like I have no choice but to be an asshole otherwise I'm looked at as needy, pathetic, clingy, too nice, too available, too weak, or just a plain pushover. Now when I'm an asshole none of that is reflected...I'd rather be an asshole and not get my heart smashed to pieces than too nice.

-Hazey

Don't worry it won't be long

Don't worry it won't be long

Don't worry, it won't be long before I forget you
It won't be long before I forget to
Lock up my heart, and leave the key for the next one
Maybe she'll want me more then the past some
Who never saw the potential, or couldn't take the pressure
It won't be long before her hearts pleasures
Become the day to day, might I also say
I'll love her deeper and stronger in every way
She'll actually have my love, and I'll finally get it all in return
No more hateful distaste of those you left a burn
And left my heart to yearn
The sun will rise in her eyes
Set between her thighs
Her mountains will tower over her depths
And my hearts in her corridors on the top step
You'll see my love on her hand, her smile and in her song
One day I'll find love, so don't worry it won't be long

-Hazey   

[Teach you...

>>>[ Teach you a lesson- Drake]<<<

So this past thanksgiving has been very insightful. Btw yes I realize it's 5:11AM Sunday morning. So I'll start with wednesday night.

Wednesday night I was extremely stressed out driving to south ga. I was also excited to tell my mom the news about winning a vacation to the Bahamas. Now this seems odd becuase the night before me and Sabrina talked about some extremely dark things, depression, so the news was a good boost for me. My main concern was getting to Albany on thanksgiving day with a bad tire with both me and my uncle and get back. I had never my car on such a long trip before, jus to let you know my trip to Florida would have been my defining tester for this scenario. Also gas, I was cutting it short because of my recent plane ticket purchase to New York. My uncle calls me, I also have a cold, at 11:30 pm asking me if I am asleep. I was drifting but he ruined it. He was telling me he wanted to bring over the ham food dinner tomorrow.

Now at this point I think he's high or drunk but I know he doesn't do those things. Anyway some woman in the background, whom I think was either his ex wife or his girlfriend, I'm not sure. Btw he's 60 years old and for him to be unwed is normal for my family, for both the men and the women. I tell him to bring tomorrow and that I'm leaving at 12 noon. Goodnight.

This nigga shows up at 8am, to make a phone call! He drove for 20 minutes up from panola road to my house to make a gotdamn phone call. I was a lil ticked but not too much. So I ask him how much he can give me for gas he says 20 dollars, I was like that won't even give a full tank. I drive a mustang, and Albany 2 1/2 hours away! Also I need a tire. So I tell him i need him to ride with me to see if this tire shop is open on thanksgiving morning.

It turns out while I was getting dressed he called all of my cousins and aunts and uncles from the house phone. When I came back down stairs from getting dressed which was about 20 minutes, he left. So now at this point I'm confused beyond belief, but that's my uncle.

With that said I call him and ask why he left? He tells me he had to return the car he borrowed. Now I'm pissed, but I let it go. I filled the car with the last of my money until Saturday. 

We get on the road and I tell him exactly what he just did to me in the past 9 hours that made no sense whatsoever. Now that I look back at his tactic he's kinda manipulative...

Anyway we arrive in Albany after 2 hours and 45 minutes on the road ,he had to pee. By this time it's 12:30, and my mom shows up with my other cousin. The thing is I've noticed that my mom has changed towards my cousin Cat, becuase now she stays with my cousin Alisha more often. Who knows, it could be the new boyfriend or something else, idk. Anyway, I gotta say that guy is creepy, lol. Now the funny thing is my uncle steve shows up he's a cop. He shows up around 2 ish and eats early. Then around 4 my uncle frank shows up along with shell, Dion , and my grandma. My mother asks me when I'm heading back I tell her tonight. She says no and everyone points out my tire. 

Here's where I hang my head say I deserved the punishment of Saturday morning more than anything. I wanted to be home in time to have a party, honestly. She tells me that I'm staying and that they are gonna have the tire replaced in the morning. I say fine well can have my uncles 20 dollars to put in my tank cuz we burned all the gas I put in literally! He tells me no. Now I'm really pissed off! He bugs me and manipulates me into leaving earlier, uses all my gas to get here and refuses to pay when we get there...I say fine and try to let that shit go. Thanksgiving was good, family, food, and the after dinner laughs. As usual, gotta love em. So I fail to really sleep after watching a movie with the family. I have a cold and sleeping on a couch doesn't make it any easier. 

The next morning my cousin pooht shows up, he is one of my cousins that's cool not exactly a role model for no man is perfect but a good person nonetheless. He brought me two tires to put on my car considering they were larger than my set. Now I know what your thinking, mix-match tires? Well I drive a mustang. So with that said mustang owners often have two different size tires on the car because it is a "rearwheel drive" car. Say that several times fast. This basicaly means smaller tires in the front and larger tires in the back. Now that does causes two things to happen to me. 

Less chance of fish tailing, but depending on the situation it can cost me less for tires than most people. Reason being is I'm not buying a whole set of tires. On the the other hand I can not rotate my tires and I will simply just have to replace them. 

Anyway back to the story. My cousin and I went to the family owned garage. Which was odd becuase these men worked as if the work wasn't desired. I looked around and noticed that they has no competition and most of the people in the area had to come here or drive much further for the same service. I find out that my cousins tires are 3 inches too tall and that I wouldn't be able to go over bumps because of how low my car was to the ground. So I just purchase one tire.

When I get to my other cousins house my mom says call me before you leave. I say I can't I need gas clarence didn't leave me the money. Now she's irritated and tells me to go to my uncles house and get the money. She calls him before indrive over there, to find out he's not there. She gets in touch with him and tells her he will pay her back. That royally pissed me and her off. She fills my tank and I hit the road. 

Party time! I get really fucked up, there was about 13 people at house that night not counting myself and 3 others. So it was nice not too many people but plenty of beer pong. I tools shotof 1800 silver tequila. That night I was sick and blew chunks. The next morning I threw chunks until about 3 pm. I was in alotta pain...

I deserved it! I threw a party in my house with women, beer, and marijuana. I was having a great time, not spending it with my family, lik I should have been! Served me right not being there. I really did have to work Saturday, I was so sick I couldn't even dial in. The fucked up part is  I know this week is about to be hectic...

I've spent all day at home by myself, and I took a bath and the name of this entry came on. It reminded me of someone, and the night asssociated with it...

Hahah yeah, she learned alot that night...lol...so did I! In the park after dark and not getting caught, is pretty nice ;). Memories man! Anyway the title fits because I remember feeling like such a child while I was with my moms side of the family. 

Them fixing my tire and helping me and not being grateful that someone somewhere does care about me. So after the party ends and the silence begins, I should be grateful not resentful of there help. 

Food for thought...

-Hazey

from the soul

Dear...you...

when you look me in the eyes, what do you see?

Its been years, SPEAK! say something! I'm done waiting...I get it, you dont want me...I aint mad at u either but whats holding you back from just saying something? Is it something I said? You bite your tongue before you even allow yourself to just speak...I'm stronger than I was then...whatever it is, please just say it...  

I wish I could just walk up to you and get you to fucking say something...im not crazy ...I wish I could force you to just say it...i need to hear these words...but you refuse to just say them...and I wish I knew why...the fuktup part about it is you will probably read this and not even know that I'm talking to you...

Im glad you still check on me every now and then even if its a bit of spying...I wish you weren't afraid to just way whats on your mind...that is if there is anything to be said...i guess im assuming too much again...and making an ass out of myself again...

I know your life is in a direction you never expected but I can tell you are happy...I hold no grudges, except one...yes i have but one grudge against you...and its a simple question, that i think deserves a real answer...but maybe I'm wrong and I don't deserve an answer or even the time it takes to read this...

My simple question:

From the bottom of my soul I know I see something...
why is it that when I looked you in eye, all I saw was fear? Why did I see fear? Do you fear me?

-HaS

commitments and passion...

you know im a typical mothafucka!!

Its getting close to the wire and honestly, i think im catching cold feet...
I have commitment issues you know...i know nothings ever certain...and nothing lasts forever...
but would it kill you to give me something that lasts forever...
I have all these decisions to make that honestly arent helping me accomplish anything yet...i want to be something but I can't find anything...

New York... my best friend...

Florida... my best friend and a career involved with music...

Chicago... living in the Windy

Here... Life as it is...

i still have no idea where i should be in life... im deathly afraid of moving to florida and becoming nothing...following a dream that i even question...im an artist i know this...I fear doing music and no one liking it...no one feeling what im saying... I havent been at this music thing my entire life...more like off and on...

my problem is ive never devoted myself to anything...ever...thats why its so hard for me to go through with this i guess......................damn...my answers just like that...

ive never commited to anything...ever...all iver ever done is get bored and move on...from people....situations...passions ive had momentarily...

no wonder somethings always missing...

I have no passion for anything...nothing that makes me feel good just doing...nothing that brings a smile on my face without shame...

I need to find you...whatever it is you are...
the one thing no one and nothing can ever take away from me...
something i crafted with my own research, devotion, skill, know-how...

everyone has goals, but ill never reach them if i never find what it is that makes me tick...
I need to find my undying commitment, my passion...

what ever that may be...

-HaS & Hazey

The original reason i began writing

My phones off as of this week...and its funny cuz at the moment i wanna send you a text message then I realized that even when I can't even call you...it bothers me...alot...atleast...i notice...to be honest...what I mean is I think about you...alot more than what may appear...I'm sure you like...nigga I have a life up here! lol IN NEW YORK! UP TOP SON, lemme son you, and its startin to get brick lol...


And I also realized you were my first inspiration to begin writing in the first place...I was writing before but the original reason to write was because of you...I used to think how you thunk when I would write...lol...I was confused back then...but I'm just tryna say I miss you...


my words keep falling on themselves because it seems like im trying to run towards you but you don't want me to...I want a lot from life and I remember when you left for new york...direction for me was lost...Ive been tryna steer myself back in the direction I was headed before...when I say its hard to picture life without you...I mean it in ways you don't...


I say these things because its not strange for me to write you...I can write you and not feel like a complete idiot for doing so...I write you because you are my reason to stand...writing you was the only thing that made sense...since I STOPPED...I feel like my direction is off too...like I keep wondering why this...and why that...all the while ignoring you...we aint walking the same walk of life any more...I wish I were there...and at many times wish you were here...


I'm writing you because...I'm glad that even if I never find anyone else...I can still...write you after all this time...MY words seem harsh...hurt...and kinda to the point in my opinion...I wish I could say things better


...but I'm writing you because you are my life line...you are my bridge back to reality...you are my ladder...my life guard in life's ocean


...and I'm so glad you are...


and the sooner I get back to living life with you...the better both of our lives will be...

-HaS

do I deserve??

If I walk away, and pursue this dream, this lifestyle, this way doing things...

If I do what you wanted me to do and do what you can't...

If I walk away from this with my head high...

If I walk my life alone but with my brothers instead of you for now...

If I try my hardest to let you go and move on in ways I never thought...

If I travel the world and see all the things you didnt get to see...

promise me that you'll come back...

I hope that 6 years of work amounts to attaining your heart

I'm still asking myself do I deserve you?

am I worthy?

my answer is always...

no...

-Hazey

I know you still miss me...

Im drunk

Im drunk if you read this

just call me...you know who you  are...

I feel like I'm reaching out to someone who feels it but is scared to reach back...

time has changed nothing...

time changes, so do people...

...I just really hope that you think of me, I just really hope that you think of me..

Breaking the silence

I posted something that I literally and most likely probably should never have posted, spilled milk.

For a little over a year now I've been dealing with some obvious emotional issues right?

well here it goes, we haven't spoken in over a year now. I have a class with you and from what I learned from the past is that maybe I should just be silent. Say nothing and not hinder your life or mine with things that don't matter. You are happier now, i think. Things in your life are falling into place and in mine as well. Of course since you i've dated many people along the way and I am sure you have too.

Bringing up old scars and wounds probably isn't the best for you at this moment anyway. I'm getting my associates degree in december, God willing and transferring anywhere I wish to. You have grown and changed and so have I.

Everyday I see you and say nothing its not cuz I'm mad or scorned or even vengeful...its quite the contrary. I hold my tongue because I don't wanna mess anything in your life up. I literally DO NOT want to mess up any of the things you have worked so hard for. From experience I know, when it comes to you, I am not a good person to re-introduce into your life.

Though even with all that said,  I still miss you. I miss talking to you, I miss your stories, I miss your companionship, and all that good clean stuff. Don't get me wrong the dirty is missed but can be lived without.

My frustrations aren't with you, or the situation, its with the outcome...

I lost a really good friend and it bothers me everyday....

-Hazey

Unforgettable

I know I shouldnt
I know good and gotdamn well I shouldnt but I can't fight this much longer

Damn I miss ya

yes yes I miss ya

I miss ya

I'm jus dieing to kiss ya

I'll do what ever it takes just to get ya

what ever I gotta do just to never split with ya

ill take everything I own and trade it all just to be wit ya

and all I ask for in return is the truth when you wit me

baby your unforgettable and I just wanted you and me to be

and at the end of the night all I hope is that

you think of me

all I hope is that

You think of me

all I hope is that

You think of me

cuz I'm tryna be unforgettable.....

>>>[Unforgettable- Drake and Jeezy]<<<

Never thought a spark could cause a war, I know I shouldn't, and I'm not tryna start any trouble...

but damnit I fuckin miss you....

-Hazey

Your Screams

Your tried your hardest, I'm so damn difficult I made it impossible. It wasn't you, its me...and since then all I've been doing is workin on me

you still fail to realize what I did for you

no amount of words can turn blinds, its true

I'm impossible because I'm afraid to accept this

its always the same bullshit

They tell me life is hard but falling in love much is harder

Rap can be easy, but is even easier if your last name is Carter

a friend of mine showed me the good side of being selfish

someone finally put my madness in check by being selfless

I'm different and for years I strived to be average

and everyday I fail, seems like my lifes unwritten classic

the camera lens are never flashin

im tryna make some sense of it all but yet my minds stuck between the madness

and what coulda happened

movin forward tryna find a solution to it all

im so self centered i feel too good for the mall

I think its pity to fret over a label

especially when families is struggling to keep food on the table

with wars on different fronts im just tryna fall asleep at night

it seems everybodies got somebody to talk to right?

everybody but me, let no one in and thats what I get

lost in translation, phone calls never made it

but blunts are passed to the left, and beef with my right

black flags around my head, but your on my mind tonight

again...
>>>[Unforgettable- Drake & Young Jeezy]<<<

-Hazey

2:30 am

why try to figure out what will never be discussed

what the fuck?

is everything I want something I must give up

switch up or change up

buck up or shut the fuck up

im lost man

and you can see it in my eyes

minds on the money, tho my hearts on the prize

with everything at stake its hard not to lose your pride

to fights

every night

of everything you've ever wanted

is what every celebrity has ever flaunted

the freedom, the access, not just money

boundless and open, bread water milk and honey

food of my dreams arent always what they seem

the bread is always green

and literally changes everything

the waters always cold but burns on the way down

milk is to soothe but even it soon turns brown

i gotta sweet tooth and that honey is a treat

sad part about is shes always a loose freak

-Hazey