Monday, October 25, 2010

in life there are only animals

truly there are only animals watch...

you can slither like a snake(suit n tie) or run with the wolves(shoot n ride)...
stand like the bear(warrior) or charge like the bull(villian)...
ravage with the sharks(intellectual) or die like fools(pigs)...

-Hazey

The original reason i began writing

My phones off as of this week...and its funny cuz at the moment i wanna send you a text message then I realized that even when I can't even call you...it bothers me...alot...atleast...i notice...to be honest...what I mean is I think about you...alot more than what may appear...I'm sure you like...nigga I have a life up here! lol IN NEW YORK! UP TOP SON, lemme son you, and its startin to get brick lol...


And I also realized you were my first inspiration to begin writing in the first place...I was writing before but the original reason to write was because of you...I used to think how you thunk when I would write...lol...I was confused back then...but I'm just tryna say I miss you...


my words keep falling on themselves because it seems like im trying to run towards you but you don't want me to...I want a lot from life and I remember when you left for new york...direction for me was lost...Ive been tryna steer myself back in the direction I was headed before...when I say its hard to picture life without you...I mean it in ways you don't...


I say these things because its not strange for me to write you...I can write you and not feel like a complete idiot for doing so...I write you because you are my reason to stand...writing you was the only thing that made sense...since I STOPPED...I feel like my direction is off too...like I keep wondering why this...and why that...all the while ignoring you...we aint walking the same walk of life any more...I wish I were there...and at many times wish you were here...


I'm writing you because...I'm glad that even if I never find anyone else...I can still...write you after all this time...MY words seem harsh...hurt...and kinda to the point in my opinion...I wish I could say things better


...but I'm writing you because you are my life line...you are my bridge back to reality...you are my ladder...my life guard in life's ocean


...and I'm so glad you are...


and the sooner I get back to living life with you...the better both of our lives will be...

-HaS

Monday, October 18, 2010

zombie horse

riding this horse i finally did the math
after watchin us gallop but never going fast
i saw the dust coming
i saw the blood running
but even though the sun settled, i just kept gunning
hoping for the best and true ride or die shit
my dumb ass just didn't know when to mothafuckin quit
we say ride it to the wheels fall off
but what about when you dont know ya wheels are lost
me and my right hand, yeah me and that wo-man
seems as though now its just me with my heart in my hand
it finally added up when i subtracted the superhero
me and you, one minus one...
equals Zero...

-Hazey

OF COURSE this one comes with a story :)

i think about you TOO much...its almost sickening...i finally have some type of feeling towards you after all the empty hollowness that you created...

here it goes, I wrote this at work, in cubicle hell as my co-workers plot, unions, sick days and petitions for raises...yeah my job is interesting to say the least, this is a story for another day...

"wow...at the end of the day, knowing you, caring for and about you...was all pointless...why do i...well why did I meet you if its of no value  to your life nor mine...out of the entire situation, I gained nothing but material objects that mean nothing at this point...I didn't gain a life long friend, a lover, a partner, a confidant...nothing...but a name and number that should never be used for some unearthly reason...knowing you, left me with emptiness because the experience of losing you was empty in itself...that is what bothers me"

-HaS

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Southern Breeze

This is a response to a challenge that I stumbled upon during my lostness after a night of confusion and a weekend of fun with pockets of anger in the midst of such...

 I live in the South, Atlanta to be correct...

Probably the Souths epicenter if you ask me...

Racism...let me rephrase that...Ignorance is still alive...Atlanta is changing slowly but surely...While watching the video she posted I nearly cried...Not because of the injustice of what was happening but because that hurt my soul to know that things like that happened, and could have happened to me or a relative of mine...My grandfather(RIP) whom marched in the civil rights marches in Albany, Ga. comes to mind...I'm emotional and I hate it because people say I think too much but the real truth is I FEEL too much...My emotions get the best of me and seeing this, experiencing racism first hand and knowing that ignorance has no conscience...

when a person or group of people act against another where racism is playing a role in whatever the situation may be...why is it that there is no guilt? shame? notion to stop what you are doing because as children of God, we are all specifically told "Thou Shalt Not Kill"...racism, bigotry, ignorance of any level literally breaks my heart,

I watched the movie Robin Hood the most recent film created, and Robin is asked by King Lionheart what do you think of my crusade? He responds saying "...when we were ordered to bring our swords down upon women and children, I looked in this womans eyes. I did not see fear, hatred, but Pity. That once that order was cast we all became godless." or something like that lol....i think you get my point...

none of this makes any sense and if God decides to turn his watchful eyes away in 2012...with the way the world is and has been I could not be upset...

-Hazey

Monday, October 11, 2010

When God calls and we don't answer

FINE!

I'll say it...she is what I've been needing...I also know she isn't to be held on to forever...I need to focus...she isn't a distraction...she's an outlet...she could absorb all that I am lackin...the problem is I couldn't be faithful..

I've begging for something you took from me, in reference to God, that didn't ever belong to me in the first place...and since you took it from me I've been hurt, sad, confused, uninterested, unfocused, lost, broken...etc....so like the saying goes you took away not to punish me but to give me something better...NOW heres my issue...what you gave I want but at the same time I don't want because I will hurt her...not intentionally but because I am afraid of making the same mistakes as the generation before me...

I don't want her picking up these pieces...

this isn't anybodies job but my own...NO, no man is an island...but sloth is a sin and so is pride...

maybe im feeling my mothers sickness...or maybe it was the alcohol and weed...or a combination of the three...I am afraid to pass on you but I have too...you are so close to what I want...but I just can't...

for months all I wanted was to get over my pain on my own...and for a time I did...for months I tired of being alone...you were offering what I wanted and needed...but in the end I cant do that you to or anyone else...you don't deserve to be my punching bag...

you are my music...

you force me to face myself...

you force me to ask myself the questions I do not want to ask...

you also make me smile...

-Hazey

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Pen Pal, Life thus far

I know you are all like WTF??? Lol is this a letter? And why is it typed? lol

YES!..

…So I'm gonna be ur pen pal

Imma start writing you to keep you in the loop so when we talk it ain't so full of gaps. I think it may even help our friendship in the long run... I miss you...

I've been so many places and done so much shit idk where to begin. So last place I remember telling you : christena got married to Kim, Micheal is...still not married to that thing with two kids, shorty dropped off the globe after you left, and quitta text me yesterday lol.

Christena married and a he-she. Yep I said it she married a woman that looks like a man, literally...she even moved to Iowa to live with her and be gay lol. That sounds so mean out loud lmfao! Yeah that shit is still funny to me.

Mike works everyday and comes home to that. I wish there was something I could do for em you know? But he's in a tight spot, I trust God though so he'll get out somehow.

I saw shorty once after you left and heard about her at a party. Shit was strange yo. Small world we live in. Ain't heard shit bout her since.

Oh yeah renaldo removed the wet and wavey shit from his head thank God! No more human torch mess. Cuz that nigga was a Hot mess... Now he's just a mess lol he's go his own place though...I'll give him that thou.

Quitta is my nigglet lol. She had me rolling the other day through text messages. Calling me a hot mess for being in the streets lol. She called me a black baboonie lmfao

Alex is getting into college. Daniels big as hell now. Giving me dap and shit. Anthonys still Anthony lol. I'm throwin a lil party at my house this weekend him and Alex are coming.

I wish you were!!! ('_')

Moms dating and everything which is cool. I told her the minute i hear him say the wrong thing, its me and him no longer you and him...lol...I will say I worry about her...

My dads dating a Hispanic woman!!!!!To be honest I have no idea what to say about this. I will say that I am not surprised that he's dating a Hispanic woman, I am surprised that he is in fact dating. He's becoming himself again. I wish him the best of luck. I love my dad, wow I just said that. It's time that time changed anyway. I gotta say I'm kinda happy for him...


I don't know how to say this but I'm going to Florida. I am going to move up there after I finish college though. I'm gonna try and get some music off the ground out there. I know you think I'm prolly never going to come up there but I AM. I just got somethings to do before I do. New York is where I'd like to live and just live you know? I don't make promises often, and I try to keep it that way, but I promise you Imma come get you one day. Imma find a way to surprise yo ass! Lol

Sabrina I want you to know that you mean the world to me, and I don’t know where I’d be if you …yeah…I also what you to know is that no matter what happens. No matter where you go we looking at the same sky at night.

So how is everything? What's going on? How's New York?

-

Sent from my iPod
Hassan Omar Jr

20sb

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