Friday, December 26, 2008

I finally finally finally finally think i did it

I think I finally crossed that void
I think I may have finally allowed myself
to just put it out there
I think my heart finally is to speak again
I think I may actually be able let it go!
I think the lingering pain is finally numbing
I think I'm finally allowing myself the ability to finally!
put myself back together...it feels good!
and honestly I hope that it can only get better :)

ps thanks for wanting to help...you did alot without lifting a finger

Love Letter to the broken

You gave it your best run,
let it go.
You gave it your all,
let it go.
You sent your words to my eyes,
you sent your message to my legs,
you sent your Phone call to my bones,
you left voice messages to my peace of mind.
You have showed me that you meant it.
You have shown me that you didn't deserve,
what happened.

When that day finally came you showed the side you promised me you would.
When the chips were down and all looked lost you didn't crack,
you held it together.
You have done your dirt, you have dont the things you said you never would.
You have no regrets.
All I want to say is

I'm proud of you,
-HaS

the last drop of doubt

sometimes i just have to ask myself
can she really have done that much damage
could she really have left that large of a scar?
i only knew her for so long...how on earth could i have lost it all?
my confidence
my swag
my faith in others
the ability to love openly?
I remember for the longest time all i ever wanted was to just be happy and feel better
when i finally got those tears, when i finally got that appreciation
it didn't matter.....
so why is there doubt left in my mind?

Demons....

I rule your nightmares and conquer your day dreams
turning ever wonderful thought
into what I so may deem
Crawling in the confines of your mind
I leave doubt and despair behind
I leave questions and no answers
Answers to riddles you never even heard
I put that little drop of possibility in your cup of new aspirations
I tug and pull at all of your motivations
and all of your dream driven destinations
do you remember me now?

I think we've met before yes I think we have
that some one who made stay up at night and laugh
through the pours of my eyes
the words my heart can't cry
you were one that tried to fore see the future
with false tales and lies
yes its you, you i do recognize
The one i catch creeping up on me
the one formerly known and as great memory

Monday, December 22, 2008

when the dust settles

Passion, pain, pride, power.
All the things I gain with you by the hour
in your soul, I pray I lay.
I feel like I've made some mistakes.

Recently we've been kind of off
I feel as though I have been REALLY fuckin up.
I feel like I confuse your heart
Like I confuse your soul
Like I don't hold you enough when we finish
Like I don't kiss you enough
Like I don't laugh enough with you
Like I forgot our inside jokes
Like I just nearly lost you.
I've been feeling like I have been losing you for
a while now
To you it may seem to be second thoughts
or doubts
or feelings of thinking of getting out

and For that I apologize
I apologize for everything
I wish I didn't have to go thru this to figure out
how you felt
I dont wanna call you babes...
but Sweethart(thats how i say it...lol) I Love You
I really do
I see a bright future ahead of us
All I need is a sign from you that says
I'm ready...a sign that says I TRULY AM HERE
with you
Today I got that sign
I dont have doubts anymore
I will admit that I did
I will admit I did you wrong
I will admit that I truly am APOLOGETIC

My doubts:

You calling him babes
Feeling like you were still together with him
Feeling like you secretly wanted him and all I was, was filler
Feeling like you were going to leave me at any moment for him
Feeling like I wasn't really what you wanted
Feeling as though you were carrying another relationship behind my back
Feeling as though I can't trust you

My Hopes?

You dont call him babes
That you do just want a friend level with him and nothing more
That you don't give him false hope for the future
That you don't have a secret relationship with him
that you truly truly do love me the way I love you

What I know NOW:

I can trust you...



Let me Fix your heart, But promise me that it will be only be mine....

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

sraet

What amount of strength does it take?
What is it that I have to do?
Why is it that it seems nearly impossible?
It seems as though my heart is just ripping up
It wants one thing so badly but it seems like it will never happen
Its funny cuz through the years I never thought
I'd be asking for something so simple
Something that never ever crossed my mind as a problem
Now Its my number hope and my number one dream

Its hard loving a person and knowing you may never
have them. It even harder knowing how hard it is on them
So times a brother just needs a guaranteed Christmas wish
My God would that make my world so much more easier
I will never change my mind until she herself gives up
but until then...its incredibly hard

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Issue con mi corazon

Sometimes i just wonder if everything I do is in vein?
Sometimes I question everything if there really isn't much to
base the question off of?
Sometimes I wonder if I spoke too soon...
I live everyday hoping for the best
I live everyday praying for the best
Yet everyday I prepare for the worst,
No doubts just bad feelings
No second thoughts a heart drop feeling

Sometimes I wish I didnt have such a fragile heart....

Friday, December 5, 2008

Money, Cars, Clothes

Man personally I can't take this shit
I honestly hate the fact that we live in a world
that is controlled by greed
No matter what you say
No matter what you do
You will always need one thing
in this world to survive.
Money!
Do you realize that you will spend
your entire life worrying about a piece
of Paper
(I'm saying this metaphorically cuz we all know money is made of fibers...but anyway)
Like seriously, think about it when we are born we are but promised one thing
Death.
Morbid yes but when you were born did you see anywhere
where there was a dotted line saying sign here and
you can spend the rest of your life busting you ass for
something you might not ever see come to an end?
The fact that 90% of us who are working and driving these big companies forward
ABSOLUTELY could careless about the job itself.
The only reason we are there is because we have basic needs like shelter, water, and food.
We work to survive some of us get lucky and survive to work. Which in my mind wouldn't be to bad. Just the problem is WHY?
WHY? Why do we spend 85% of the year working?
Reason
We have needs.
Someone a long time ago said this plot of land is mine.
and to enforce that sovereignty over that plot of land
they placed government.
The government says okay we'll enforce this but we need
you accept this as payment and anything else we deem
appropriate.
Thus the creation of CURRENCY!
I'm no anarchist. I love the USA.
But I absolutely hate the fact that we as people waste our lives
chasing a piece of material that we can't take with us when we leave.
we came with nothing and we leave with nothing.
Yet we spend our entire lives trying to hang on to something.
*sigh*
I guess thats how things have to be.
-HaS

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

hopes and dreams

Throughout our lives we have dreams in which we hope to come true
they are complex yet simple, small but grand
indifferent and mighty yet sometimes completely unexplainable
and just us they live and breathe and yet again just like us
they also must die(,_,)
"It is the inevitable cycle of exist all things must come to and end, all things must conclude,...take the analogy of the tree that grows in Brooklyn among the steal and concrete with all its glorious branches and leaves, one day he too will pass on its legacy to the seeds it drops to the ground, and as men carry these seeds throughout the land and they take root, a new life will begin for each one of them, AS THEY STAND AS A MONUMENT TO THE ONE THAT CAME BEFORE"
These words scratch at my head as i reflect upon my day today. They scream to me as i remember what was. And remember the feelings of others. We build our entire lives on these dreams. When the die we sometimes lose track of what and WHO we are. Dreams define you yet your heart guides you. Let your dreams live but realize they don't fully die, they just change grow and adapt as we do...;)

I made a promise

(,_,) what does one do when they have made a promise
to keep silent and act like it never happened or
act like it never even phased them?
when in reality its beating at them
and pounding on there mind?
to a point where they just wanna scream
what the problem is
idk....i promised i wouldn't say...
DAMNit (,_,)

20sb

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