Idk

I'm bored, kinda bummed, and well...i say this feeling extremely vulnerable about it...lonely...

so Here are a few selections from my past that I'm not sure made it to the Blog yet...memories can be kinda painful...anyway enjoy

Words I try to remember...(2008)

"You aren't going to be her 1st, her last, or her only... she's loved before; she will love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you're not either. If she can make you laugh and if she admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her and give her the most you can. She's not going to be thinking about you every moment of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you CAN break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad and miss her when she's not there. Because perfect girls don't exist, but there's always ONE girl that is perfect for you"- anonymous

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To a former lover(2008)

When your phone rings do you hope its me?/
When you look me in the eye, who do you see/
I'm not hard to please/
As you can plainly see/ [lol]
From the pineapples to the step brothers/ [^ ^]
the various shit to yo stomach/
I keep it 100, and thats just the simple truth/
sayin what i mean and meanin what i say to you,/
is all the really matters when you smile/
laugh and giggle, only known you a while/

________________________________________________________________________________________________

To a Painful memory*(2008)

You, You are the reason,
that I dont believe in finding the love that I need and.
You are the reason,
i'm not dropping to my knees and.
You are the feeling,
that what i need is the real thing and.
And you are the reason,
that a smile left my face.
You became the reason,
that i write name on ever place.
Stop talking of her,
and put your name in her place.
You are the reason,
I find it hard to sleep at night and,
when your near i find it hard to say whats really right,

So i stay quiet and trapped within my mind.
theres no one to really talk to in there.
just like on the outside

[* I think this one has a few words I still feel today *]

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One Sided(2008)

I try and try yet can seem to figure out-
if the woman of dreams is really what i’m about-
i love her and i tell everyday-
but the issue is now idk if she even feels the same way-
i’m the only saying it-
man joe aint that some shit-
got damn i’m still all torn up inside about this bitch-
got damn joe i love her and think thats it-
i care to much and theres the problem right there-
since i care to much i cant pretend to not even care-
so with that being said i will vanish into thin air-
fuck it, fuck love, and fuck life itself-
i’m always the one getting the belt-
they walk away unharmed even in the slightest-
i hate who am i now and that shit i mean to tee-
yes becuz of a girl i now hate me-
i feel like she wants another-
i feel like she found another lover-
and all i am is a ride-
fuck joe, i got that torn feeling inside-
and you can tell when you look me in the eyes-
that my pride has taken a dive-
and soul ready to die-
and my heart speaks what my eyes cant cry

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

That Feeling(2008)

That uneasy feeling deep in ya gut/
Like you may have just fucked something up/
Your heart races/
Your hand paces/
Your mind traces/
Everything you ever said/
So you just lay there staring at their number laying in bed/

You feel like your fucking up/
Your heart beats' still/
Your back's got chills/
Emotionally your shooken up/
Kinda paranoid wondering what the answers gon' be/
Are gon' stick by my side or are you gon' leave?/
Man I get the verdict and it can't be/
The only time I'm truly happy is in my dreams/
I fall asleep on time, ready to die, ready to leave/
My dreams are happy they are where I wanna be/
I awake late, tired, and unhappy/
Then the pain kicks in/
My mind bends/
My world spins/
And I really can't comprehend/
Why I feel this feeling in my chest/
How long must I wait to get rid of this weakness/
How long must I suffer through such heartache and distress/

That uneasy feeling deep in ya gut/
Like you may have just fucked something up/
Your heart races/
Your hand paces/
Your mind traces/
Everything you ever said/
So you just lay there staring at their number laying in bed/
And for some reason you know its over but you can't get them out of your head/

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Last one I promise lol at least for tonight

My angel(2006)

you call me your angel/
well then your my passion/
you keep me from catchin' hell/
your my purpose and my mission/
your my soul,..no your my heart/
you drive everything/
your what i think about in the mornin' when i start/
so in a since if im your angel then u r what keeps me living/

Anyway thats all I have tonight...leave some love yo...

much love to ya

-Hazey

Dear Christena

Dear Christena

It's taken me almost three years to figure out what happened.  I guess I'm ready to tell you now. It was right after your grandfather passed away, me and you started talking as usual. I don't care what the fuck you have to say but Christena back then you did love me, you were just scared. Anyway it was a long day you and I hadn't spent much time together because I was grounded and couldn't stay out long. To he honest all I wanted was a little time with you. All you ever wanted to do was go your own way. It was one night where you said to me on the phone, " you felt like you were wearing the pants in the relationship." All of this was croc of bullshit, you felt that way because I wanted to be with you. You however were going through alot with the loss of your grandfather. That night on the phone I said something and I don't remember what but it hurt you. It hurt you alot. The next day you gave me a red note with the lyrics apologize on it. You had been calling Kim ever since.  

Since that day you and I were never able to be the same. I loved you christena, you loved me. My favorite memory with you has to be at your grandparents house. We'd sit in some room in think it was your grandfathers office or something like that. We'd watch tv and goof off. That's what happened. From there on out you hated me. You never knew why, I always did. From that day foreward you took ever ounce of who it was that I am and crushed it. You crushed myself esteem, my heart, my pride, and made fun of it. You destroyed me, it took me almost a year to realize the extent of the damage you caused me. 

Anyway you asked me this a year ago, here's your answer. I broke your heart.

-Hazey

who I used to be

I forgot who I used to be
That nigga with crips the only GD
7-4 til world blow, and All is One
fuck almighty the Creator is a better one
the 6 sides of t he 6 point star
love life loyalty knowledge wisdom understanding
the alphabet the meaning behind our star
Everything...I forgot everything

There was a point in my life that honestly many people will never understand but those who were involved. It was last night, that I remembered where I came from. I was, well I am A Gangsta Disciple. I am not a Crab. No I am not Crip. I am not apart of an 8 ball alliance. That shit don't even exist. David and Tookie and Budha grew up that same time and at no time during growing up could they afford to or even possibly met the crips on the west coast. I know the Meaning of the Golden Pitch Fork. I know Larry Hoover betrayed our king to take power. I know shorty was a LT and led the BDs against us. I know the year we were created. 1974 on the corner of **** and Brown. I swear I know too much and that part of my life is a closed chapter. I am however glad its over. I know we originally banged the color brown... But that side of me is closed and done and just recently I remembered the stupid shit I was once involved in. I'm glad I mad it out...many people can't say the same...

-Hazey

Siempre, y Nunca

Tal vez me he encontrado con la chica perfecta
los problemas son totalmente diferentes de lo que yo nunca pensé que podría ser
Me refiero a primera vista que ver lo que sé
A primera vista, lo que ir tras ella también
diciendo que ella está bien maldito
ella es inteligente maldito
pero todos los demás que a su vez nigga y ejecutar si supieran lo que yo sabía
Creo firmemente en la importancia de su
que vale la pena la lucha
no se trata de mi orgullo
pero en esta chica que no sólo renunciar a
ella me enseñó mucho sobre mí misma en el poco tiempo que he conocido su
de lo que debo considerar en mi mismo a otros modos de vida
Me siento como que está a punto de ayudar a mí en la dirección de mis padres no podían
No estamos diciendo que es [Dios], o cualquier cosa, pero ella está haciendo cosas que me i cant incluso comenzar a explicar
mi corazón estaba confundido sobre las cosas que nunca había pensado en be4
Recuerdo decir a su "Yo no es que estás acostumbrado a"
Lo gracioso es que ... ella ha estado diciendo que a mí
ella me hace sonreír de manera que nadie nunca ha
i like it
alguien nos dijo hoy
"Ustedes dos están en el amor"
ella respondió antes que yo
"YEAH! Somos!"
nunca antes había que
nunca había alguien que sabía wasnt va a ninguna parte
nunca había alguien que quería que yo allí no me necesitaba allí
nunca había sido capaz de escribir sobre alguien como este antes de

Yo siempre solía decir que quiero una chica en mi thats tanto como yo a ella
de lo que veo, ella es
Yo siempre solía decir que quiero una chica que puede ser con amigos y amantes
de lo que veo, ella es
Yo siempre solía decir que quiero una niña que se reunirán a mitad de camino me
de lo que veo, lo que hace

Me asusta la forma en que ella es gran me
Me asusta lo cerca que estamos ya
Me asusta i casi dejarla pasar por mí

90s baby :)

Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid.

It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it.



You're a 90's kid if:

You remember watching Doug, Ren & Stimpy, Pinky and the Brain , and Two Stupid Dogs.

AAAAAAAH real monsters.

You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!

You just cant resist finishing this... "Iiiiiiin west philladelphia born and raised..."

You remember TGIF on ABC. Step by Step, Family Matters, Dinosaurs, and Boy Meets World.

You remember when, 2Pac and Selena died.

You remember when it was actually worth getting up early
on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

You remember reading "Goosebumps"

You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

You remember the craze, then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.

You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence...Not...

You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record "Your FAVORITE song of ALL time"

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? was both a game and a TV game show.

Captain Planet. He's a Hero.

You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.

You remember when super nintendo's and Sega Genisis became popular.

You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos... but never taped anything funny.

You remember watching home alone 1, 2 , and 3........and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders"

You remember watching The Magic School Bus, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow on PBS.

You remember when Yomega Yo-Yos were cool.

when you were grown up when you turned 7, cuz you could watch are you afraid of the dark because it was tvY7!

You remember those Where's Waldo books..

You remember when Mortal Kombat Was "Da Bomb"!

U remember eating Warheads.(those sour candys)

You remember watching the 1st Batman, Aladin, Ninja Turtles, and 3 Ninjas movies.

U remember Ring Pops.

U remember drinkin' Fruitopia and Surge.

if you memeber when every thing was "da BOMB"

when they made the new lunchables so that you could make tacos and pizza!!

You remember boom boxes vs. cd players

Writing M.A.S.H. notes. (and the twenty different versions of that)

Making those little paper fortune cookie things.. and then predicting your life with them.

You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"

You played and/or collected "Pogs"

You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere

...Furbies.

You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet.

And Windows 95 was the best.

You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers,and Ninja Turtles.

You had a favorite New Kid on the block, and you knew all of there names

Michael Jordan was a king.

Yikes pencils and erasers were the stuff!

All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand.(pencils.notebooks.binders.etc.)

You remember when the new Beanie Babies and talking Elmo were always sold out.

You collected those Beanie Babies.

Growing Pains.

Carebears and The Gummy Bear show.

Gak was the coolest thing invented.

Lambchop's song never ended.

The old dollar bills.

Silver dollars, were cool that have.

You remember a time before the WB.

You collected all the Troll dolls

You owned a portable tape player.

If you even know what an original walkman is.

You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch.


You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

You know the Macarena by heart.


"Talk to the hand" ... enough said

You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!"

You know the significance of the number 23.

You went to McD's to play in the playplace.


You remember playing on merry go rounds...at the play ground.






When we were younger:

Before the MySpace frenzy...

Before the Internet & text messaging...

Before Sidekicks & iPods...

Before MIKE JONES...

Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX...

Before Sponge Bob
...Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night.

When light up sneakers were cool.


When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs.

When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing.

When we recorded stuff on VCRs .

When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off our walkmans.

When 2Pac and Biggie where alive.

When the Chicago Bulls were the best team ever.

Way back.

when it was all about N64.



WHEN YOU TRADED POKEMON CARDS FOR A LIVING

Before we realized all this would eventually disappear

Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!

dearly 633 70v3D

Dearly 633 70v3D,

I know how things may look and things seem so very bleak and hopeless. I see the pain and the heart ache that you suffer through. I wish I could make it go away. I wish you didn't have this problem. I know God doesn't give us a problem we can't handle. But sometimes I wish I could take the heat for you. I wish I could somehow change your mind. I see everyday that's impossible. I feel so very alone and lost. I know that you hearing this hurts but I'm only human baby. The same situation keeps coming up because you have done nothing to change that. And doing as they say solves nothing. It compromises everything about you. My love you are so very strong. So very strong. I wish I could take away the hurt and the pain but I can't. If anything follow your moms example. She still hasn't faced your dad. I believe you know where I'm going with that thought. I understand that they are your family and leaving would sacrificing a lot. But I don't want you to stay for me or for us. I want you to stay because you have so much more here you can do. You never know you could one day open up a shelter for women. I mean you have endless possibilities here in the US that you have worked so hard to attain. I admire your drive in the world so very much. When I met you I saw you had many strengths I also(over time) saw where I could give you strength and support that you don't have. I felt like I could make you whole. And in return you could also make me whole too(#,_,#). I know I don't have to make such a choice but I have been faced with it many times before and every time I fight for them. ANYTHING WORTH HAVING IN THIS WORLD IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! NOTHING IS JUST GIVEN TO YOU! and sometimes you have no other choice but to just take it. Love is one of the basic human rights set forth by the united nations I believe. You didn't make a mistake in loving me and letting yourself fall in love with me. You are not at fault. They are. They just want to control you and tell you what to do. They don't care if you fall in love or not. They don't care if you love the guy you marry. If they approve of him its because they like him and approve of him and your choice, NOT of you. I know you want their love, pride, and approval. But I think you are putting too much of yourself on the line for them. I believe if they loved you, if they cared, and approved of you and were proud of you. They would see all that you have accomplished and done for them so far and tell you. They wouldn't react they way they do. They are doomed to teach what they were taught. They didn't learn from it. They didn't question it as you do. You have taken the boldest step of them all. You opened you eyes to see their faults. Don't punish them for them. But also don't kill yourself trying to be what inevitably maybe an unattainable want. I'm in a tight spot too babe.I'm faced with a problem. I have a wonderful girl friend whom I hope to "WED" one day. She is in a FUCKED UP situation and I can't let this go. I could walk away and pretend like I don't care. I could just be done with you and never speak to you again. I could get angry and curse you out and break up with you and blame everything on you. I could do so many things. But I know my place is right here with you. I wish I could reach in your head and flip a switch that says open mental and spiritual eyes but I can't. I have to say the correct words in the correct combination to do that.
My love, my heart, my soul mate baby there is no such thing as love being wrong it can't be. No matter what they say. They love each other, whether they say you can or not, it aint true. You can love me, if loving you is wrong then I'll be wrong i don't want to be right.(no cliche intended). They fought for their right to be together. So should we. My love you and I have been building something worth fighting for. Love is not something you can abandon and expect it not to haunt you. I love you so very very much with all my soul. We can do so much. I do believe if we work together, assuming you stayed, that your family may not approve at first but one day they would see you in the news paper and realize the truth. That one day your parents may have to eat their words. I believe that you can do that. I believe that you can make them proud. I believe that you could possibly get your family back.

Love Letter to the broken

You gave it your best run,
let it go.
You gave it your all,
let it go.
You sent your words to my eyes,
you sent your message to my legs,
you sent your Phone call to my bones,
you left voice messages to my peace of mind.
You have showed me that you meant it.
You have shown me that you didn't deserve,
what happened.

When that day finally came you showed the side you promised me you would.
When the chips were down and all looked lost you didn't crack,
you held it together.
You have done your dirt, you have dont the things you said you never would.
You have no regrets.
All I want to say is

I'm proud of you,
-HaS

Demons....

I rule your nightmares and conquer your day dreams
turning ever wonderful thought
into what I so may deem
Crawling in the confines of your mind
I leave doubt and despair behind
I leave questions and no answers
Answers to riddles you never even heard
I put that little drop of possibility in your cup of new aspirations
I tug and pull at all of your motivations
and all of your dream driven destinations
do you remember me now?

I think we've met before yes I think we have
that some one who made stay up at night and laugh
through the pours of my eyes
the words my heart can't cry
you were one that tried to fore see the future
with false tales and lies
yes its you, you i do recognize
The one i catch creeping up on me
the one formerly known and as great memory