Friday, April 30, 2010

Updates

Man most of you would slap me for even mentioning this shit on my blog if you knew the true in depth back ground behind all of this. *warning this is a very long post and I would love suggestions*

My bestfriends wedding...

He's marrying a woman I CANNOT STAND! Literally the reason me and him almost stopped being friends over. She's a bit of a whore and in my very own opinion, FUGLY! Like Hillbilly, busted teeth, dumber than to birds tryna kiss with no lips, with feet that look like they've been originally belonged to nomads who walked on glass. This is all my opinion by the way... Flash forward 2 years and three affairs with three or four men they had a kid. I love the kid but I step back because he looks like her but could never in a million years be denied by my best friend. She and him are now getting married. June **** 2010. Nevermind they broke up for about a two months where my best friend was the sole parent for their son. Now, I am far from perfect. But this individual brings drama in her wake every step of the way. Now after being broken up for two or so months. My home boy had to deal with her other ex boyfriend after getting back with her the very same day! When I say she ain't worth shit! I mean it. My best friend, I'm locked between a rock and hard place on this one, he's got what Katt Williams would call "Bitch-dependency", excuse me if I offend. He is attached to a woman whom, even he knows and admits he knows, is not worth it. What tops it off is he knows he can find better! Nonetheless, I fear he's about to make a mistake that will cast his son into a word of false family and discord as a fucking 11 month old baby. Now my best friend appears happy. Which everyone is at first but what I think is going to happen and I really hope doesn't. Is he gets married to her and figures out he made the wrong decision....

I'm a supportive best friend I always have been. I fight him, verbally and physically. I console him. I've watched his back since the day we met. He has always done the same in return. I'm at my wits end on this one though. I have to be there to watch make a mistake that I can not save him from. It bothers me because I know no one is perfect. I want him to be happy and all. I realize that is the mother of his child. But I know its going to be the hardest thing in the world to watch him marry a woman whose unworthy....

My next point!

Well you know what I think i've gone thru this already briefly but heres an overview.

Involved with chick whom deep down I don't have any feelings for. I like her, she cool, but there's nothing there. No desire not even lust. I told myself I wasn't going to do certain things with her and I still did. I feel guilty about everything I do with her in that light because I feel like there's no connection. No deeper meaning. No worth to it. It hurts me to say this. If she and I had done this a year ago it would have been a different story. I know I make her feel......worthless...I have to break this off without causing her any damage you know...I don't have the energy to devote to even being just a fuck buddy. Sad I know! I don't feel right when I'm with her. I value the friendship, she listens, she helps, shes funny, attractive, girl friend material but I can't make all jigsaw puzzle pieces fit...I wanna keep her around and all...shit she's good company a little crazy tho but its tolerable...shit "truth be told I'd rather be with her than alone"...but like I said earlier I can't force her to fit if my heart, mind, soul, and body won't accept...

My next point...

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS SLEEPLESSNESS!
Everyday, day in day out 7 days a week...I can work out til my body gives out...I can spar until my vision is blurry and my arms feel like lead weights...regardless of what happens that day...I won't fall asleep until 3 am...

Next Point...

I have a job!..at my previous employer :[...I left that job because I hated that job. Now I'm back, literally I'm just going to reach a short term goal and "Shake"...

Next Point...

I saw the ex who defined my insecurities as a man, as a lover, as a multiracial individual, as an artist...Christena...I havent seen nor heard from her in almost a year...We had a fight and I told her to rot under her significant others left tit in the 7th layer of hell...those exact words....lol...that and don't speak to me again because I won't reply...Yeah we aint cool still but we have to work together and possibly walk together at this bullshit wedding. Reason, christena is a childhood friend of the whore-to-be, i mean bride to be...o well...I have to plan a jack and jill bachelor/bachelorette party with her... I 'll explain my infuriating argument in a minute...So yeah now I have to speak to her for the time being...

Next Point...

The whore-to-be, has made it clear that the party must be together with no strippers, no dancers, no other women what so ever and no other men either... I argued with her for two hours about the significance of my best friends bachelor party...How it has nothing to do with her insecure ass and how it has nothing to do with the strippers, the beer, the embarrassing photos, none of that. It's literally the last time a man has to be with just his friends before his life changes. It is a celebration of mans bachelor years and celebration of the marriage to follow. But no this dumb whore has him by the balls that have no use and I can only get drunk now...o well...

Next point...

I'm feeling better everyday despite this bullshit listed above. Shit if it wasn't for everyone elses issues I wouldn't be able to look at my life and thank God it aint like theirs!

So yeah check out the previous poetry, got some good feedback on it, leave love!
!bezzy! (pronouced b-z)

-Hazey

GOT FUCKIN DAMNIT!

GOT-DAMN-IT!
seriously...

I wanna severe ties with you but I can't
I'm not that kind of person.
I did it once and they are still around...
So I'm pretty sure it won't work with you...
you make me feel guilty beyond reason about everything!
You make me feel like I'm tainting you...
Like I'm pure evil and you are pure innocence...
I'm sick of this game....
I want out...

then again...I'd be kind of lonely without you...

so I say nothing and let things be as they are...

-Hazey

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

only in my dreams....

Is it strange that every night in my sleep you are there?
I can see you touch you feel you from your toes to your hair?
Does it seem odd that my senses become alive when I return to you?
They say the person you think of before you fall asleep is thinking of you too...

There's a place in my mind
a room void of time
the world stops
yet we can not
where love is paid
and sweat is made
where hearts end
and time never amends
vivid senses of your touch
with blurry visions of us
love hate passion or lust
you can call it what you must
oh how the air is thick
afflictions are hard to quit
you say i'm painful but i'm worth it
and afterwards I awake feeling worthless
so when I return to you
My heart gets made a new
only in my dreams do I have visions of you
and me, the room, the steam, and your moan
I awake to your scent
but since I'm in this room alone
dreams of you become convenient...
-Hazey







At night I have the most vivid dreams. Almost like I'm not alone in it. I never see there face, but I know who it is. Its crazy I wake up from them almost as if it was a nightmare. Cold sweat, heart racing, confused with memories of a dream in place of my memory of the night before. It makes no sense, call me crazy, but they feel real. I'm aware that they aren't, I'm also aware of NREM dreams. I have them often. This dream has happened more than once. In the same room, on the same mattress, with the same women...I feel crazy just thinking about it.

>>>[Sooner Than Later- Drake]<<<

-Hazey

My frustrations when it comes to you

Okay so I have to say I've kept you a bit of secret when it comes to my life so far. It seems as though at every turn I either feel guilty or feel like a complete asshole in regards to you. So heres to you

Ladies in Gentlemen I've entered theVoid once again....

Deep down I ask myself daily why are you in my life? Why did I decide to hang out with you back in January? Why do you scare me, not emotionally but in every other way? What is it about you that I don't want? What is it about you that I do? Why can't I just cast all these gut feelings deep within me and just do what ever and live for the moment?

I've got a few answers...

You and I are alike. So alike it scares me. I won't ever love you in reality you are the parts of me that I can't stand, that I hate, that I need to shed from the man I want to become.


You and I are alike. So alike it scares me. I will always love you in reality you are the parts of me that I stand for, that I love, that I could never lose and must keep in order to become the man I know I will become.

YOU....I...my heart won't allow myself to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Like you said I'm damaged... I know we are just friends and maybe thats what's so hard for me, never mind I drew the lines in the sand...I've crossed that line twice now maybe even three or more times if I truly think about things....

You bring out the portions of me that I know I need to change. You complain alot, which bothers me not, shit if it did I'd do something about it right? You bring out the piece of me that I call the demon. The beast within me that needs to be destoryed or at the least caged. You've called me the devil...to be honest no words have ever rang so violently in my head. You call me evil everyday, you want my affection which I give sparingly.

Lets be real here one day you and I will part ways and you'll find what you are truly looking for, and I pray you do. I ain't right for you, which I partly why I'm so distant. My signals of dismissal aren't to hurt your feelings. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want make you feel what I feel. Yet everyday all I do is, well what it appears to me, make you feel exactly that.

You don't need this, you don't deserve this...I wish I didn't,__insert words that aren't pleasant or in the form of good will to my fellow (wo)man and other things__, everyone and everything I touch...

Growth is inevitable and change is a must, through God all things are possible...

-Hazey

Monday, April 26, 2010

Purple Circle

Purple circle

The revolution of life
Is the change from wrong to right
Our time was short and served it's point I guess
Time I moved on heart to God and to hell with the rest
Royal and true love as deep as purple
Our love ran it's course in the end, it came full circle

Unthought of by you though it plagues my heart
To this day I'll never know if you truly even wanted me from the start
I miss you a lot and it seems I'm not missed at all
Hearts don't break even if I do so recall
Royal and true deep like the color purple
I guess in the end our love came full circle

How I used to wish you'd call
So we could catch up on it all
Months went by winter summer spring and fall
Sitting by the phone patient, still haven't heard from you at all
Royal and true as deep as purple
I guess my love for you came full circle

I hope life got better after you forgot me
I hope the days stresses seemed less like shark teeth
I hope he's out waiting to fulfill your every desire
I hope he never leaves you waiting deep in the midnight fire
Royal and true your loves like the color purple
Your love for me came full circle

So with it said my hearts given up on ever loving you
You got your wish I guess it hurts to know it's true
To this day I've never felt a love quite like when I was loving you
Never again my hearts come to terms letting go and moving onward towards the sun
My souls on the moon still creating whirlpools and monsoons over the sand dunes
So it's true you and I were never meant to be and nor am I the one
Lifes like the shapes and surrounded by one
So when I see purple I think about how we came full circle
We ran our course now it's over and time to move on to the next circle
Your not in mine and I'm not in yours too bad I would have loved to see that purple circle...

-Hazey

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Grace once again

So this week I will say I had a good one.
The stresses made me see clearly, the lows made me thankful and the highs made me humble. God is good.

What I came here to say was I learned to do the right thing the first time. I went on an interview in dunwoody this week. I seriously thought I had the job locked. Case in point the manager seemed to like me alot. I mean seriously I've been undressed with a persons eyes but this was, should I say, a little more subtle. So after getting extremely excited and getting all ready I get there for an interview with a guy named  Kenneth. No I was expecting a white guy about my height,(I'm about 6 foot by the way), straight, my kind of build and bit corny. Reason I say that is because well every Kenneth I've ever met has been corny.

NO!

This Kenneth was all of 5'4" if that! Asian and flaming like the gates of hell, GAY!!!!. I didn't let it throw me off though I was still attempting to be pleasant and smiled. From his attitude, I could tell he didn't want me there. He didn't even wanna do this interview. He looked me in the eye all of 3 times. I could tell why he didn't want me there though. ALL THE MEN THERE, except the bartender, were GAY. So when I show up he literally asks me 10 bullshit ass questions. Lies to me and says he needs to talk to someone and that he has made up his mind on me. I was there literally no longer than 20 minutes 10 just waiting on his ass to fucking see me. I was 20 minutes early mind you but still!

so after he goes to the back and I hear him laughing and joking with the people in the back. He comes back and says, "I'm sorry but I will not be offering you a position with us today."

I didn't get frustrated though. I went home got undressed and sat down. I tell my mom what happened and she agreed with me, that he didn't want straight men working there. "She said yeah he didn't want anything walking around he couldn't touch hahahahahahah." Not even three minutes after I tell my mom, what happened?, I get the call from my previous employer.

Call it what you want but I call it grace and gratitude. Had I been upset about it the call probably would have been ignored and missed. So for that I am thankful. I'm hoping to get the call this week about training and hopefully starting work soon.


So moral of the story in my eyes is, even gay people discriminate...lol

-Hazey

Saturday, April 24, 2010

that moment

That moment in time when you come up for air
being below the surface just barely covering your hair
seeing the world as it is but not really being there
kinda like that feeling you get when you gasp for air
after realizing you never really mattered and they never really cared...

No they never really matter they will never be there
dying on the bathroom floor wont make them ever care
you're worthless to em you could disappear into thin air
no love in their eyes cold blooded murders stare
no words would suffice for the lost time you shared
your heart wasn't spared and neither was theirs...

Or so you thought until you decided to look past the glare
striking like a crack from the snare
bass drum kicks and on end your hair begins to flare
hearts pumping heavy like someone sitting in there
falling to your knees you look back into the cold stare
same moment they told you, "My heart will always be theirs..."

-Hazey

Thursday, April 22, 2010

on a brighter note

  1. I have a new job _ its my old job, the myers group, I hope it pays better this time around other wise I'm taking my pay check and doing bartender training this summer when school lets out
  2. my front yard is being worked on _ my favorite tree was removed :[ and several other trees were chopped down
  3. She utilized plan B, to my knowledge _  visit previous post to understand that story...btw there is nothing more awkward/humbling/empowering than being called the devil in the midst of sex...NOTHING!
  4. and im finally over my ex girl friend... yeah feels good :D



just a few updates

List coming soon

-Hazey

note

note to self if you thought it was bad the first time....
why?

WHY?

WWHHHHYY???

ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO IT AGAIN WITHIN THE SAME 24HOURS?

im making a list of all the things I shouldn't have but did do!

damn i've gotta long list to make...


*please read these following posts to understand the content behind this post*



-Hazey

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

DIABLO!

before I get started I wanna say, if you are reading this, and you know who you are, this post reflects nothing upon you. Its me venting...stay the way you are...


these are my words...my fears...my hopes...my side of it all...understand me if you decide to read this...

1

aight I gotta get this outta my head before it explodes from the thoughts of things I know I do not need in my life. You and I fucked, period. It shouldn't have happened. I DO NOT REGRET...I told myself it wasn't going to happen and just like that I was in you. It was wrong, don't get me wrong it was good. SHITTT its been MONTHS since I've smashed so naturally I wasn't my usual self about the situation.

2

I wasn't using protection. I used the retarded rhythm method with a woman I know I have no business fucking. To be honest I wouldn't be surprised if this ended in a shotgun. I seriously hate that I let my faults get the best of me again.

3

I...you...we aren't ready for a kid. SHIT, we aren't even together. These words hurt me to say because I know these were the words that my father said about me. He was unprepared, to be real he didn't even want kids, just like me...

4

I know that making us be together if said circumstances were to arise wouldn't help. It don't work without a kid. It wouldn't work if we had one.

5

I don't believe in abortion...

_________**______________
this isn't even about me or her anymore. In my head its about the kid...I'm not a dead beat...I'll take care of mine even if she wont. It just sucks that I've put myself in this position when I told myself I wouldn't. It hurts that when it comes down to it my lack of discipline and self control didn't even exist in that 45 minutes. I'm upset with myself now...on the same day I get my chance to stand back on my feet with a job. The same day I get the blessing I needed I fuck it up with something that is human to do. I'm human, I have needs. Its been months, I don't know if that was God's gift to me or the Devils bait. I'm working so hard on myself to get my shit straight. I try my hardest to do the right thing and be an example to my brother and pride worthy son to my mother and what do I do? How do I repay her for all that she's done for me? this is how?..makes me literally wanna cry...but tears have no value...and neither does anger...all I can do now is hope I pulled out in time...

Funny how irresponsibility can leave one's future within the confines of a few seconds...

"Making a mistake I fail to learn from"


Dear God,


I know that there are reasons for your actions even if you never show them to me. I know you won't lead me anywhere you can't protect me. With that said, all I can do is leave it in your hands as you walk with me...


amen


my friends say we're fine, nothing to worry about...but I don't know if that is your plan...

-Hazey

self control

One day the world will actually know what I'm talking about

Dont get me wrong it did take two
the thing was it happened so fast
and all I could think about was yo ass
no I havent learned from the past
but at the end of the day it really wasnt you
self control is what I need,
I told myself I wouldn't is what I did, indeed
I'm a man I have needs but thats no excuse
your a woman with like desires too
we did a bad thing and I played my part
the consequences are far greater and I knew that before the start
better yet when I saw the spark...
got damnit this is what happens when my self control falls apart

-Hazey

Sunday, April 18, 2010

the Void part 1 my 7 deadly sins

This a warning, this is a very daring post that honestly could have me burn in hell...I hope God understands my confusion

"Accept ya short comings baby they gon make you whole..."

They say Envy is an sinful thing
so what do you call it when you see what they bring?
it is said Greed is rut of evil things
but what's the difference in wanting to save and destroy everything?
man Lust doesn't just happen ya dreams
yet somehow my day to day life is lusting after my dreams...
everyone says Gluttony can bring you down slow
but when I see her food it completes my soul...
I never understood Sloth too much
but when that alarm clock go off, the snooze button my finger will touch
Wrath can one day be my down fall
yet my wrath is what keeps niggas from making that phone call
last and most importantly my Pride of all sorts
is the one thing I have left so why do hopes keep coming up short?



Contentment- Envy
You shouldn't be passing judgement- Greed
Pursuing happiness would do just fine- Lust
A single person can do that- Gluttony
Early to bed early to wake- Sloth
Respect goes alot farther- Wrath
Keep believing and you wont need it- Pride


-Hazey

Saturday, April 17, 2010

hahahahah

hahaha love Barack Obama!
and LOVE SNL!!!!



-Hazey

updates soon...idk bout you but I'd keep my eye out for it...

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

kissing disillusion

Is everything I ever wanted
what I ever truly wanted?
Are the things that I've desired
are they literally because I first admired?
Am I really a simple man who wants just a little
like that feeling you get when you get tickled?
When I look at everything I see things different now
my desires, my wants, my lusts changed, but how?
These emotions these feelings aren't truly mine
I kissed disillusion and now every-thing's fine?

-Hazey

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Truth is

I've been waiting for something for so long. Truth is I'm still waiting...

"Truth is I'm not fully over it. I haven't fully moved on. Words can't express how deeply it hurts that I can't get in touch with you. No amount of words would suffice for the fact that I couldn't even get a Happy birthday from you. But what's worse is that I would forgive you in a heartbeat if you would just call me."

Words from the heart...These words sound like a woman's words to me. They don't sound like words that should come from a man's mouth in my mind. But then again they just did. Maybe that's the masculine side of my brain. I guess they are waiting for me to finally get over them, us, and everything that happened like it never happened. I think they want me to neither want nor ask for there friendship, or even acquaintanceship. I think that they even are waiting for the day that I stop waiting. I'm not sure but I don't really have a choice anyway right?

I know that deep down I don't like this hole in my life. I don't like this painful void within myself that I'm not sure will ever go away. I thought I had closure...I don't...I want something, words, a letter...something to make this feeling finally go away but all I'm left with is silence....

They once said,"...Silence says so much more..."

-Hazey

My wants

What I truly want from the very core of myself.

So today after my two more random posts I had a notion like the Kings of Leon...lol...I don't know anyway  I know that I will want another partner in crime, another girlfriend, another left hand basically, eventually. I've been doing my own thing bouncing from girl to girl to girl to girl etc. I know what I want but sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find it.

What I want cannot be placed in words,
with nouns, adjectives and verbs
I wanna fall in love with her curves
get stuck on all her words
and yet still have my own ya heard?
I wanna feel the connection from day one
as if the devotion has more than just begun
I wanna be secure in her words as I know she is in me
I wanna see her and feel everything that I felt before
yet I wanna feel more
the feeling should be mutual not just within she
Trusting her would be easy like a handle to a door
our trust opens up and the key isnt needed anymore
meaning every word isnt counted but still accounted for
I wanna have nothing to hold back and nothing to hide
but somehow I feel as though that woman just aint alive

This poem makes no sense. But in my mind it does. I've felt a sample of this. I didn't come through on my end. I can account for that. Next time will be different though...

-Hazey

bit of new news

So I asked one simple question to someone because it seems as though, that no one wants anything to do with me lately. Why I have no clue. So I asked a good friend one simple question

AM I BORING?

She responds: No just lazy.

Hazey: Lazy?!

"Well idk not lazy just laid back, very content"

When she said that, a light bulb went off. Why is it that women always see me as TAKEN. Most likely because I'm not lounging at their clit when I see them or in better words.I seem TOO CONTENT. Which lead me to believe that my whole issue in the past with women is just that FUCKING SIMPLE. Which now after thinking shit through. When a woman said to me "we kinda like to be lusted after" completely makes sense...

*slap on the forehead*

who knew being content was the problem
-Hazey

The confusion of it all

Okay so yet again you've met someone new. At this point in my life I DONTgive a damn who he is. You get a new boyfriend and I literally do the same thing every time...

Size him up, estimate the actual relationship, and keep it moving. Why not to sound conceited or anything but you compare everyone to me. I've never been like this before where I just say what the fuck ever I want to say but, today I'm in that kinda mood. I guess what I'm trying to say is my jealousy doesn't even exist. To be honest with every guy that comes your way I feel more and more disrespected by the fact that not one of em is anything like me yet you do this number...

"He's kinda like you but not really...He has some of your qualities...."

I don't know what any of this means really. Its not like I hear from you very often. Its not we're ever gonna date again either. I guess I have a lot of unfinished business looming out there.

-Hazey

Thursday, April 8, 2010

inspiring mother

So I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine today...check it out...Changed the way I see somethings in life a little...Hope your having a good day today...


12:26pm Hassan
idk its just odd...i feel kinda like everybody dont wanna talk to me or is avoiding me...which may not be the case...im just saying...anyway its been mad long since i last heard from you
12:27pm Jayla
it could be the case but you never know til you confront them or wutever. lately ive been feeling like, im finding out who really cares about me & who is real. but yup, its been a min.
12:27pm Hassan
word...
yeah i know right...really find ou how give a fuck and who dont when shit hit the fan
12:30pm Jayla
yup...some people dont accept shyt for what it really is. let me ask you something....
12:34pm Jayla
if a chick you loved and she wuz wifey type but yall wasnt together...and she ended up getting raped by someone she knew and wuz pregnant. wud yu leave her & just be frienz with her or wud yu stil wife her?
12:35pm Hassan
hmm
before I say anything lemme say this
rape hurts more than just one person
on the same note I would ask how did it happen
not why, just how
and depending on how I felt about the girl would determine my answer
thats not any easy yes or no question
12:37pm Jayla
alright
12:38pm Hassan
that did make sense right?
12:38pm Jayla
yes it did.
12:39pm Hassan
aight cool...dont like confusion
12:42pm Hassan
did that happen to you? if you dont mind me askin?
12:42pm Jayla
yess
12:43pm Hassan
im sorry to hear that
12:43pm Jayla
its okay...dont b sorry.
i stopped talking to the guy & i had my babygirl last thursday. she wuz 3months premature tho.
12:44pm Hassan
aww
damn
you keeping her?
12:44pm Jayla
yess
12:44pm Hassan
wow
says alot about you
12:45pm Jayla
i knew the guy that did it....i havnt talked to him in years before this happened.
wat chu mean?
12:46pm Hassan
just shows ur stronger person than most
12:46pm Jayla
yeah...i really am.
12:47pm Hassan
thats a great thing to have
keep ya chin up
12:49pm Jayla
i feel like, god did it for a reason. he doesnt give what he knows you cant handle. i feel like shes a miracle, shes gunna become somebody i wasnt finna give her away..i wanted to be da one to gi her love
giv*
12:51pm Hassan
thats whats up ma! i feel that
deep as hell
12:52pm Hassan
but yo im gettin off for a lil bit
hit me up sometime dont be a stranger


Nuff Said
-Hazey

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Wow...

Life is ironic yo...extremely...

Dear friend,

Read not in between the lines of my words but take them for what they truly are. Black and white. Ink to paper. Your words yesterday were taken with deep consideration. Just because I haven't answered doesn't mean I don't care, doesn't mean you won either. It means my words are so much more concrete within my soul and mind that opening my mouth to you would just be disrespectful. I don't tolerate rudeness so I won't put out that which I cannot take. 

Your words showed me, 2 things about me. One I don't trust you, your judgement or your words. Not because you have done something that gives me a reason to this way but that I have not changed. I'm still the same way I was 6 months, 9 months, 1 year ago emotionally. This problem of not giving the benefit of the doubt is an issue that I need to face. It helped destroy something I held close once. Two is that I don't trust myself with another person regardless of what limitations I put in front of myself. I'm a person who has a lot of growing to do. Maybe all of my words from before aren't for you. Maybe they are for me.

Maybe you can't give me what I need. Maybe you should consider me just a friend. Maybe I had the same feelings as you I'm just so wrapped up in my own baggage that I need to sort it all out. I know I'm trying my hardest to get my life back on track. Veering off the road in high school is what led me here. It's not right to drag you along through my problems. 

Your words are comforting, your touch is appreciated, your friendship is great. Your help in my times of need was more than what you should have done for me. You are a good friend and at this point in life those are hard to come by. 

That's all I've gotta say

-Hazey

Friday, April 2, 2010

the quest to get back to me

Today in English 107 I was asked to summarize the past 10 years of my life in 3-4 sentences. NO more than that!? It got me to thinking really hard about the past 10 years of my life and what was defining. What must I include in this summary. In my mind there was so much I wanted to incorporate, so much to say in just 4 sentences regardless of how many commas, semi-colons; and conjunctions I placed within its borders, would it ever be enough. So in honesty I couldn't. All I could do was cast a shadow over that decade of existence.

Nothing was more important, nothing was less important. Why? Why would I spare the details of all the juicy layers of detail of my life in that summary? Because everything that happened was important to me. From meeting my best friend Dre, to writing my first verse, to the beefs I had with niggas in school, to the lost dreams of that time period, to the crushes that went no where to the women that loved me and disappeared, to my best friends Sabrina whom I hardly hear from, to the gang bullshit I got involved in, to losing my way and losing my faith, to following the dirt road the long way home, to my first job, my second job, my thrid job, graduating, starting college, my family, living in the first house ive ever lived in, to my music tech class that changed my world, to the blunts passed to me by a girl, from partying all weekend long to the days where no one called at all, My parents decline through the whole decade and how much that shaped me, to my most recent car accident(FYI MOST OF THIS IS NOT IN ORDER)..There is so much for me to talk about that not one of these instances was more important than the other in my life. I gotta say I wish I had taken more time to write all of it down so that I could laugh at it later. I have to say I have the best regrets in life. So far...

I wish I had taken pictures

-Hazey

20sb

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