Another

So ends another one...yup I'm single again...lol...im sure your thinking when were you not single...lemme put it this way I was with her officially for a 8 days...lol...i mean seriously its kinda funny...if you ask me...but oh well she like so many other girls said one thing and were feeling a completely different thing...In many, well in truth I felt her break up coming and I expected it and in so many words was praying for it. Since we got together I was looking for a way, thats a damn shame right?? I found it funny that while talk to my psychiatrist she told me that I didn't even like her...then she breaks up with me right afterwards...She said she doesnt know what she wants...shes thinking about someone else at night...and those words didnt hurt, tear, rip or even phase me...I guess the doc was right...I hope she is cuz if I see something and it hurts imma be pissed that I feel anything at all...

-Hazey

Not heeding ones own words

Hahahahahahahah

So I misheeded my own words, today. Glad that wasn't my new resolution. I was told off by an exes new boyfriend...lol...I know, why was I talking to her? To be honest I just texted two letters "hi" when her bf responded I said, "nothing just saying hi ...how are you? happy new years". Stupid right?!  The first thing on my list too! Oh well to be honest I didn't even expect a reply considering I haven't spoken to her in months.

But I was atleast pleasant to the following response lol from his single response I can see so much is  not funny. It actually makes me wonder what I was like when I was jealous or felt threatened by another man wanting my woman. Was I irrational? I mean seriously the guy talked as if I knew something. Like there was some information that he knew I knew which in fact I didn't. Glad all I did was laugh and say nice to know. I don't know when a man acts that way from what I remember it means, "I'm not sure if I have firm grip on her heart yet. Go away."

So after literally having to conceal my laughter all day, I've come to the best conclusion. Hahaha he's threatened by me. I mean I know I flipped ape shit when another guy hit my girl up so I see why it happened. A confident man wouldn't have to tell me "she wakes up next to me."

I was kinda flattered lmao. In all seriousness God has been talking to me for a long time.
And I learned that when the lord delivers you from something don't you dare go back to it. I should have heeded my own warning  I knew what I knew then actually the same thing that I know now, DON'T!

Fuckin hilarious and but definitely not a lesson that needed to be learned.

Now with all that I don't have to feel guilt anymore...and being where I am I think the deliverence from that situation was definitely for the best. There were reasons for God's actions even if he never shows you. I remember all to well the emotional turmoil I was in with that person and the amount of stress that was on that person as well. I'm glad it worked itself out for the best.

After it all I've begun where I left off. Thinking about heading to NY, what am I saying I already applied to two schools in New York.

I've got my associates degree, I'm working, I have a car, a roof over my head, I maybe single but I'm happy. If it weren't for the things that transpired I would still have that very dark demon over my shoulders. Learning that my "highs and lows" as she would describe them weren't my fault. God does have a plan for me...

So I leave with an interesting question

What's worse? Being with someone because you don't know how to be with someone else and unhappy or being single and lonely? I'd pick lonely.

-Hazey

Nice guy

Why I'm a nice guy

I am told that I am mean, selfish, stubborn, self centered, an asshole and even intimidating. There's a reason I'm that way, believe it or not. It's because I'm actually a nice guy. Contrary to what people believe most men are. I'm the latter becuase women take advantage of that niceness. They use it abuse it and laugh at the pain they cause. It's quite sick if you think about it, because when a man does the same we are called dawgs. Women, I am far from a bashed of your species. I love women for many many reasons some apparent and others not so much. But it seems to me that if I'm not a complete asshole to you, you don't care about me. It's like I have no choice but to be an asshole otherwise I'm looked at as needy, pathetic, clingy, too nice, too available, too weak, or just a plain pushover. Now when I'm an asshole none of that is reflected...I'd rather be an asshole and not get my heart smashed to pieces than too nice.

-Hazey

in life there are only animals

truly there are only animals watch...

you can slither like a snake(suit n tie) or run with the wolves(shoot n ride)...
stand like the bear(warrior) or charge like the bull(villian)...
ravage with the sharks(intellectual) or die like fools(pigs)...

-Hazey

I need...

gimme something real something a nigga can feel

something i grap hold of, leather blue steering wheel

so i can get my life on, heart beating crazy

cuz we fuckin like we tryna have a baby

but baby, maybe I need something a lil more

sweat and pressure is building

see ya self in the mirror on the ceiling

I wanna see you reach whats real

in ya eyes I can tell what you feel

so show what you made of, so take off that thong

we gon see what kinda freak you is when I cut the lights on...

-Hazey

Updates

Online classes have begun and Midterms are over...My new job at my old job, I actually like...It is challenging but I like a good challenge its a healthy one I will say...There are still talks of a raise which would be so FUCKING AWESOME :)...

I played another night of Beer Pong hahaha I miss Julian(this is a women btw) and Alan, Dre, everybody man...Hopefully I get to chill with Julian out in Orlando even though her and Alan broke up seeing them both would be cool...

Speaking of Women

I have a new person in my life that I can not say is significant but quite puzzling hahaha...Her Name is dubbed Ms. C not for confusing but that is her codename. Shes 28 as of wednesday no her name isn't dubbed Ms. C cuz she's a cougar HAHAHHAHAHAH....but I will say that she often tells me she feels like a cougar for asking me for my number...She constantly tells me I AM A BABY, yet continuously molests me for hours on end on her couch...puzzling right? She says we can't date because I'm so young yet says we've been on two dates already...none of this has she bothered to confirm with me...now every guy is like what are the real details...Short, 38DD, big butt redbone black girl...no kids, her own car, job, apartment...now my boys tell me thats a GO!!! Hit it and keep her on the team...But sadly I don't want her like that...I know that knowing her and going all the way will happen, me and her cant be just friends...especially since she came to me...not me to her...but its all good i keep my distance...she seems cool but she aint someone I want to keep around...i can tell she would be fun to keep around but my gut's telling me to keep it moving, something don't smell right...and no she doesn't stink...she smells kinda nice actually lol...but my gut says somethings not right sounds like a trap...lol...idk She said we should go to hilton head in your car ill pay for the trip, but we wont be having sex and thats it for one day...why do I run into crazy people??? my car has 150,000 miles on it, its a Ford...and why on earth would i commit to driving for 4 hour there and 4 hours back all in one day...she's paying right? NO she aint bout to kill me for looking at other women!!! 

***

A lady hit my fucking car this past week, minor dent really...im over it already...and I am now the manager of M.O.ET....moving to Orlando is becoming more and more apparent...I wish I knew what to say but I don't...other than I'm excited out my mind but at the same time scared my family is about to fall apart... 

My parents divorce has also be finalized...i guess my dads seeing someone lately, my mom is too...I wonder if in the future they look back on this and regret it? I will say that growing up I saw it coming but regret I could never see... 

Life is getting better and better everyday I guess...now if I can just keep it all together in my head maybe shit will make sense to me one day...

-Hazey

new beginning

Lately my efforts at times seem scattered like they arent focused. My dreams and imagination take me to wild places. My fantansies you wouldn't believe! But its a new start for me, which is what everything is starting to look like. My last 12 months have been crazy but its got me headed in an interesting direction so it seems. My current aspiration is to move to florida and do music with dre and al. I am sure my mom is lookin at me like GOD thank you HE HAS A PLAN...good now get there and make no excuses, I will not accept failure from you. LOL. I'm only 20 I have time. For everything want to do with my life, I will, one way or another. I got some plans in mind and I can feel that I'm about to walk the craziest path of all.

My latest slogan is:
If it wasn't about you then it aint about you now so what is more important than the now? The now leads to the future the thought doesn't...Pay Attention...

My previous slogan was STERICUS ACCIDIT meaning shit happens...yeah that explains the last two years up in just two words...damn...LOL...funny aint it?..that how shit happens when you can't explain it..lol any way I'm out...

Oh?

yeah I forgot...Did I mention the pep in my step these days? yeah I'm busier these days, I'm stuck in cubical telephone hell, my job...So that said my posts might lag a little til things balance out...

-Hazey

I don't know about anybody else but this post scared the shit outta me...
then I literally thought about everyone and anybody I don't talk to...
To inform you im str8!(meaning I have no one to worry about!)...lol

its from Postsecret.com

The photo

-Hazey

i've been gone for sometime now, I know, i know I'll be back I got some things cookin I'll fill you in soon enough...

have a listen for a lil bit...

Aight I'll give you a peek of whats to come...
Life has taken a turn down a road I was not prepared for but I'm happy with it...

And my good writing is comin real soon I think you'll like it...
until then

bezzy, one

-Hazey

Facts

Lets be real, dear

the day for us will neva be here

I saw the end before you had my heart

real shit way before the first spark

the friction wasn't attraction nor commitment

the truth was in ya face, you just kept on, relentless

please lemme know when the day I don't see real comes

text messages about first base and hitting home runs

panties like a shower her legs are my rocks

the only thing we had going was the dance in our socks

Im not perfect, but growing is a must for change

me and you would be one word, insane

as you can see I have problems with this role

you know, the man in ya life type-a-goal

so lemme say this so you get it clearly, bless your soul

I have problems with self control

you shoulda seen that coming so course but,

how would you ever know?

childish and foolish will never flow

statin facts mami,
sorry you needed it broken for you to understand tho...

 

-Hazey

I haven't bad in a while

Forgive me, hahaha ;)

Don't be afraid to come over

drop your dress at the door

leave your keys on the floor

let ya hair down

slip your panties to the ground

throw your glasses away

and let your girls lay

my space is your place

and my lips to your face

passion to a beat

hearts keep the rhythm

flesh and sweat love is unique

sheets no need for em

the mattress is enough

i remember you like it rough

pillows, mirrors, games

sensations with every pump, never the same

wish i never had to leave

your words are stuck in me

all i ever wanna do is make you mine

and all i ever do is prove it every time

by making us cum at the same time

-Hazey

Grace once again

So this week I will say I had a good one.
The stresses made me see clearly, the lows made me thankful and the highs made me humble. God is good.

What I came here to say was I learned to do the right thing the first time. I went on an interview in dunwoody this week. I seriously thought I had the job locked. Case in point the manager seemed to like me alot. I mean seriously I've been undressed with a persons eyes but this was, should I say, a little more subtle. So after getting extremely excited and getting all ready I get there for an interview with a guy named  Kenneth. No I was expecting a white guy about my height,(I'm about 6 foot by the way), straight, my kind of build and bit corny. Reason I say that is because well every Kenneth I've ever met has been corny.

NO!

This Kenneth was all of 5'4" if that! Asian and flaming like the gates of hell, GAY!!!!. I didn't let it throw me off though I was still attempting to be pleasant and smiled. From his attitude, I could tell he didn't want me there. He didn't even wanna do this interview. He looked me in the eye all of 3 times. I could tell why he didn't want me there though. ALL THE MEN THERE, except the bartender, were GAY. So when I show up he literally asks me 10 bullshit ass questions. Lies to me and says he needs to talk to someone and that he has made up his mind on me. I was there literally no longer than 20 minutes 10 just waiting on his ass to fucking see me. I was 20 minutes early mind you but still!

so after he goes to the back and I hear him laughing and joking with the people in the back. He comes back and says, "I'm sorry but I will not be offering you a position with us today."

I didn't get frustrated though. I went home got undressed and sat down. I tell my mom what happened and she agreed with me, that he didn't want straight men working there. "She said yeah he didn't want anything walking around he couldn't touch hahahahahahah." Not even three minutes after I tell my mom, what happened?, I get the call from my previous employer.

Call it what you want but I call it grace and gratitude. Had I been upset about it the call probably would have been ignored and missed. So for that I am thankful. I'm hoping to get the call this week about training and hopefully starting work soon.


So moral of the story in my eyes is, even gay people discriminate...lol

-Hazey

hahahahah

hahaha love Barack Obama!
and LOVE SNL!!!!



-Hazey

updates soon...idk bout you but I'd keep my eye out for it...

bit of new news

So I asked one simple question to someone because it seems as though, that no one wants anything to do with me lately. Why I have no clue. So I asked a good friend one simple question

AM I BORING?

She responds: No just lazy.

Hazey: Lazy?!

"Well idk not lazy just laid back, very content"

When she said that, a light bulb went off. Why is it that women always see me as TAKEN. Most likely because I'm not lounging at their clit when I see them or in better words.I seem TOO CONTENT. Which lead me to believe that my whole issue in the past with women is just that FUCKING SIMPLE. Which now after thinking shit through. When a woman said to me "we kinda like to be lusted after" completely makes sense...

*slap on the forehead*

who knew being content was the problem
-Hazey

The confusion of it all

Okay so yet again you've met someone new. At this point in my life I DONTgive a damn who he is. You get a new boyfriend and I literally do the same thing every time...

Size him up, estimate the actual relationship, and keep it moving. Why not to sound conceited or anything but you compare everyone to me. I've never been like this before where I just say what the fuck ever I want to say but, today I'm in that kinda mood. I guess what I'm trying to say is my jealousy doesn't even exist. To be honest with every guy that comes your way I feel more and more disrespected by the fact that not one of em is anything like me yet you do this number...

"He's kinda like you but not really...He has some of your qualities...."

I don't know what any of this means really. Its not like I hear from you very often. Its not we're ever gonna date again either. I guess I have a lot of unfinished business looming out there.

-Hazey

Just a few Updates

Feel free to leave a comment containing nothing but complete and utter laughter because even as I write this I'm laughing....


Ladies and Gentlemen I have finally found a car(my mom also got one too*shruggs*)

On Monday of this week I purchased my childhood dream car since I was like 6. When I was 6 my father bought me all kinds of things to accommodate his frequent absences, by the way it didn't help to much because when he was around he never wanted nor did he do anything but bitch and fuss, My family was a military family so I lived on Army bases or in towns near bases a lot. One of the many items I got was a yellow remote controlled car. It was a 95 mustang. To this day I still remember how cool it looked. Now 14 some odd years later I now own, with title, my very own 95 mustang 3.8L V6....lemme repeat that first part MUSTANG.



I love my car, nuff said. I think I'm gonna call her one of two things Bbz or DK. Bbz(pronounced bebez) just rolls off the tongue man. DK stands for Dark Knight for being black like the bat mobile and literally dark as NIGHT. What do you think?


She cost me $2300 not including the annoying pain in the ass things ive had to do to make her more awesome. On Tuesday I placed the rear struts.

Okay here's a good little story for you. To replace the struts on a car you have to relieve the pressure from the struts in order to remove them. Or else they will explode. Ladies and Gentlemen I knew I needed new struts but damn! When i attempted. to remove the struts they exploded on me anyway. The bolts on it were so old that the turned the nut they were attached to in unison. SO yeah I try to use bolt cutters, didn't work, I tried using penetrating liquid, didn't work I even tried clamping on end and spinning another, didn't work, I then had my neighbor; whom by the way I've lived across the street from going on about 4-5 years now and have never seen nor spoken to face to face before; to come helpe me remove this old bolt. Yeah he pulled out a fucking SAW and cut em off.

0_o?

yeah...

then didn't leave when the job was done just stood around with his saw in his hand as I removed the parts from my car and cleaned up. He was cool, minus the saw in hand and standing around creepily.

On wednesday I decided not to pull a DIY'er (do it yourself'er) I took it to midas to do my brakes because they made a weird pulling sensation in the rear. Yeah I did the struts right, the brakes however I don't fucks wit, lol. I waited their for about 4 hours. He replaced the rotors and checked everything else out for me as well.

So today ladies and gentlemen I am riding just fine. Perfect brakes, no sagging due to old struts. NADA. I fuck up and let the window down. It wont come back up. *PSSSHHH
I was like no sweat right it shouldn't be too hard to release the glass and pull it up right?? RIGHT? Wrong! I pratically wanted to shoot myself for that. So now I have a guy coming tomorrow to fix the window. Never mind that, heres the BEAUTIFUL PART ABOUT MY BELOVED CAR. I've put a radio in before not too too hard. Little did I know that the radio I have which pushes out more Wattage than the installed one the previous owner had in it, nope it blows the fuse to three, not one not two but three very important gages.

Now thank God its just a fuse, but man has it been tough so far. Rewarding! but tough. Today while heading to get my uncle from the train station going God knows how fast on the highway, and I mean that literally. I looked down and noticed my speedometer isn't working, my odometer is moving and my clock is off. So now I have no stereo, no milage, no speed reading, and I'm passing a police station and jail...


yeah...i bought fuses but this week has been tiresome.

much love to you all man

-Hazey

PS. if you can tell me Lucy is behind Bbz/DK in the garage :/

have a blessed weekend!

formspring...

so i've caved and created a formspring....

ask me anything

http://www.formspring.me/Hazey2890

-HaZey

unsure

This post is called unsure for a good reason

Lately I've been, well I'll correct those words, for quite some time now(lol) I haven't been quite sure of a lot of things in my life.

• Like why am I subjected to situations that constantly make me hear a former lovers words and understanding the full meaning behind them?
• Why did I chose this major again?
• What did I do to deserve this, losing my car?[Apparently my mission here on earth isn't done because I'm still here]
• Why do I keep meeting dumb women?[lol]
• Or worse, why do I keep meeting women whom I can't have or that I shouldn't even want?
• Where do I go from here?

So to clarify for you, My most recent ex, she left a mark on me that I don't even believe she realizes how deep it was. The situations she was forced into I keep finding myself in her shoes in my day to day life, like someone's trying to make me see something. I know what I've said and what I thought and felt deep down, but what's the point of this lesson if she and I aren't well, lets just say somethings never come back. Edge of Desire by John Mayer is playing right now, "I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believed,
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me."

I hate police work, I've been in this major now for almost a year, I HATE IT. Its so fucking stupid, along with this school. So lets just say I'm going to do what I must to get the hell out. I'm still aiming for New York and/or Florida. I have plans but as they say people make plans while God laughs.

The accident has put me so far behind in my mind. Its made me dependent which I can't stand. I haven't truly needed anybody for a long time, I can't lie sometimes I made bad decisions that forced me to stick my hand out. I smoked everyday just to sleep. I quit for about two months and had such trouble sleeping. I was buying once a week to sustain me. I can't front it was a bad habit, but somethings gotta give when your minds forced to think under stronger gravity. Since the accident I've quit. The one thing I'm waiting for now is the ability to sleep normally, I still stay up to 3-4 am even if I'm tired. I wake up everyday at 8:30-45 ITS WEIRD!

Okay when I say dumb women I mean a woman who has the nerve to have a boyfriend at home, is going on a date with someone else while her man is at work and hits me up for sex. That kind of dumb. I think I've said enough on this subject.

Women I can't have, I'll save this subject for another day.

What now?
I got unemployment, I should be getting a car very very soon hahah yeah Ive been saying that for how long now? Anyway I'm just happy somethings giving slowly but surely somethings giving.

Have you ever felt like you and another person are doing the exact same thing to each other? Keeping up with someone else but with no words? Like you secretly check up on them regardless of what's going on in your life? Like they still matter to you but you say nothing making seem as though you don't care?

-Hazey

idk...yet again

its kinda like a story that the hood sung
any day spent above ground is a good one
and any gun that don't cram in a jam is good one
and if the freak is unique best believe shes a loose one
maybe just a fact but these words are for you
watch everybody even them niggas on the stoop
keep ya eyes open to the niggas in ya circle
they know too much, bes believe theyll hurt you
ya enemies aint dumb, so without a fight, wars won
and if that pussy talk stupid, just reply with ya gun
death aint the answer, its also not a threat
just a judgment call to keep them lames in check
I told Boogs from the X, hold me down with the teks
I got mean streak ye digg thats yet to be seen
with an eye of the wolf focused on my green
with the heart of the bear I grip everything here
MOETTTAA MOTHAFUCKA! Yup Yup we in Here!

-Hazey

I don't want you

I don't want you

I like you, I love you
We click and flex
We match, we mesh
But it's all emotional
Lust is the driving force
I'm sorry but your face is optional
Not a choice for me of course
Heartless? Me? Why yes
Say what you must
Your not what I truly want
You turn me on only, so it's just lust
Don't ask me for what you want

I know this to be true
When I'm with you
My eyes still wander the room
No I never notice your new perfume
Your hand I don't want
Your love I don't need
Don't get me wrong the sex brings me to my knees
But if I found someone else, you wouldn't even hear from me
I may kiss you, I may hold you, I may even one day love you
But from the bottom of my heart, understand I will never truly want you

*I think everyone can relate to this one*
-Hazey