Thursday, January 20, 2011

Not heeding ones own words


So I misheeded my own words, today. Glad that wasn't my new resolution. I was told off by an exes new know, why was I talking to her? To be honest I just texted two letters "hi" when her bf responded I said, "nothing just saying hi are you? happy new years". Stupid right?!  The first thing on my list too! Oh well to be honest I didn't even expect a reply considering I haven't spoken to her in months.

But I was atleast pleasant to the following response lol from his single response I can see so much is  not funny. It actually makes me wonder what I was like when I was jealous or felt threatened by another man wanting my woman. Was I irrational? I mean seriously the guy talked as if I knew something. Like there was some information that he knew I knew which in fact I didn't. Glad all I did was laugh and say nice to know. I don't know when a man acts that way from what I remember it means, "I'm not sure if I have firm grip on her heart yet. Go away."

So after literally having to conceal my laughter all day, I've come to the best conclusion. Hahaha he's threatened by me. I mean I know I flipped ape shit when another guy hit my girl up so I see why it happened. A confident man wouldn't have to tell me "she wakes up next to me."

I was kinda flattered lmao. In all seriousness God has been talking to me for a long time.
And I learned that when the lord delivers you from something don't you dare go back to it. I should have heeded my own warning  I knew what I knew then actually the same thing that I know now, DON'T!

Fuckin hilarious and but definitely not a lesson that needed to be learned.

Now with all that I don't have to feel guilt anymore...and being where I am I think the deliverence from that situation was definitely for the best. There were reasons for God's actions even if he never shows you. I remember all to well the emotional turmoil I was in with that person and the amount of stress that was on that person as well. I'm glad it worked itself out for the best.

After it all I've begun where I left off. Thinking about heading to NY, what am I saying I already applied to two schools in New York.

I've got my associates degree, I'm working, I have a car, a roof over my head, I maybe single but I'm happy. If it weren't for the things that transpired I would still have that very dark demon over my shoulders. Learning that my "highs and lows" as she would describe them weren't my fault. God does have a plan for me...

So I leave with an interesting question

What's worse? Being with someone because you don't know how to be with someone else and unhappy or being single and lonely? I'd pick lonely.


No comments:


There was an error in this gadget

copyright Registered & Protected