Saturday, February 19, 2011

post number 667

the last post I posted was post number 666...nevermind during that week which ends tonight was the worst week of my life...well in a very long time...i wont elaborate until a later date...


Friday, February 18, 2011

Hard facts

Men and women being friends is a difficult topic. My best friend is a woman. We all know someone is gonna threaten the friend ship with advances towards something else and someone will want to reserve the friend. My point is this a mans heart can not be divided. Meaning if a man chooses to marry or if a woman chooses to marry the other men or women in their lives can't be as close. It's just a simple fact of life. That union needs room to grow. That friendship doesn't. So my question is when do you let go? When is it time to walk away from those of the opposite sex in order to marry?is opposite sex friend a dead end road? Is the saying men and women can't be just friends true??? I really need some answers here...


Monday, February 14, 2011

Nothing to do with Valentines

I went to florida this weekend to see my brothers out there. To put this thought in as few words as possible.

Theres no way I could ever live there! I have good life and it took this trip to really see what I have and what God has done for me. The growth that I have gone through. The place that I am in. I see now what I need and what I do not. Passing up on that life is nothing, yes it could lead to riches but it can also lead to jail time, FUCK THAT!  They are my brothers for a reason. Al is like my aunt I like him but he's headed down a path to high blood pressure lol. Mark is just a dumb big guy who can cut hair and Dre has promise he's just gotta find his way. They all living like I do and any more stress on the situation would make the house of cards collapse. In all three of their house holds.

I will say that they are headed in a good direction for starters They just need to see clearer. I can't steer the lost if I myself am lost. I will pray for them tho.

I am much more appreciative of what I have and what I know now. Also it makes me glad to know that God has blessed me with real friends...


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The truth behind the words

They say you shouldn't give a shit about what other people think. They say that because dwelling on anothers thoughts is evil and in many ways a sin. 

I know first hand what dwelling on anothers thoughts can do to a person. It can destroy a person from the inside out. The thoughts of another person are theirs and theirs alone. The focusing on and dwelling upon those thoughts can lead to mistrust, doubt, anger, hatred, and usually unhappiness. 

I remember thinking about what she was thinking and wondering why can't she stop thinking about that? My focus wasn't on her but on her thoughts. My focus wasn't on making her happy it was on eradicating those thoughts she was having which in everyway back fired.

To the next one this mistake won't be repeated. Whenever that maybe...

Anyway I forgot the point of this who page of information was truly about.


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

today feb 8th 2011

Today February 8th was my birthday, I was in a good mood and literally in mood to just about anything. I gotta say my mind wasn't as scattered as last year. This year there's only one person on my mind and honestly she knows who she is.

On turning 21, im not sure how to feel really. I am happy of course. The hardest part about turning 21 is the realization that i am 21, ALL the hell I caught over not being 21 is over. I gotta say it feels good. I am and will remain me tho Im not a lush.

To be completely honest I have nothing to say on this post other than I am 21 finally and its almost not a big deal to anyone but me, myself, and I. I need outta here. At least I know and expect no one to give a shit about me. I guess what my mum says is true, only a hand full of the people you know will ever truly give a shit. I guess I shouldn't ask for more huh?

Atleast those mofos on facebook took the time to say happy birthday right??? So for that I am grateful :D
I am grateful for Gavin and Alison for taking me out on my bday. I AM  GRATEFUL FOR MY MOM taking me out on my bday night. I am also grateful for Sabrina's video....touched the heart....I am grateful that my father sent me a text msg this year...better than a facebook msg lol...i am also grateful for living to see this year. I pray that I will see many more.

I dont have a great wish for this year. I dont have a great desire for this year. I dont have a burning itch to do something because I am 21. I dont have a wish for this year which is different. This year I just want my life to go in the direction it was meant to go in God's plan for me.

thats all for now

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Evil thoughts and The Sermon

Evil Thoughts

Was it a mistake to say a thing to you?
I try to have faith but it slips and fades
throughout the day I show a different shade
I love you and you know it too
say it back but are your words true?
Do you understand what I feel
Do you understand what is real
Things that seem the same sometimes change
I know I said I don't expect anything
But would a text from you really mean anything?
a phone call or letter
talking about sex or even the weather
which is better?
a best friend who is unpredictable
or a lover whom isn't really believeable

Love is

The theme for this year is Love, Irony.

The sermon was on Love. The reverend told us to write down these 4 categories and grade ourselves OBJECTIVELY from 10 being the best and 1 being the worst. The categories were Pride, Envy, Rude Behavior, and Evil Thoughts.

The Reverend explained these categories one by one sorry I dont remember every word I just got down what I could catch that really stuck out to me.

"Nothing in the bible is as important and vital as love because God is Love."
First Corinthians 13:1-7
Pride- Love isn't prideful- anger or taking responsibility for your success- 5   
Envy- Love does not envy- comparing what you have to what others have- 5      
Rude behavior- love does not behave rudely- 6 
Evil thinking- Love does not think evil- suspicious thinking, dwelling on the thoughts of others- the ill natured thoughts of dwelling on the thoughts of others- 1  

God you just calmed my spirit with this sermon. Thank you Lord for answering my questions.  

What stuck to me the most was Evil thoughts because it was what I was dealing with all week. Recently I told my best friend somethings that I regret because I make them more complicated than they are. I have to tendency to dwell on other peoples thoughts and words and actions. Questioning the purity of there motives and actions. I have this unquenchable desire to find the truth when its just too good or too bad to be true. I don't take things as they are. My evil thoughts were strong enough to take me to a point where I questioned whether or not my best friend just felt sorry for me all these years or if she actually loved me, if so how much? Evil thoughts was where I scored the lowest it woke me up to be honest, and answered all my questions without a problem. In many ways I feel better about the situation I have before me and in other ways I feel as though I am in still in the dark. I guess I need more answers, Im not sure what else can be


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