I don't know about anybody else but this post scared the shit outta me...
then I literally thought about everyone and anybody I don't talk to...
To inform you im str8!(meaning I have no one to worry about!)...lol

its from Postsecret.com

The photo

-Hazey

My frustrations when it comes to you

Okay so I have to say I've kept you a bit of secret when it comes to my life so far. It seems as though at every turn I either feel guilty or feel like a complete asshole in regards to you. So heres to you

Ladies in Gentlemen I've entered theVoid once again....

Deep down I ask myself daily why are you in my life? Why did I decide to hang out with you back in January? Why do you scare me, not emotionally but in every other way? What is it about you that I don't want? What is it about you that I do? Why can't I just cast all these gut feelings deep within me and just do what ever and live for the moment?

I've got a few answers...

You and I are alike. So alike it scares me. I won't ever love you in reality you are the parts of me that I can't stand, that I hate, that I need to shed from the man I want to become.


You and I are alike. So alike it scares me. I will always love you in reality you are the parts of me that I stand for, that I love, that I could never lose and must keep in order to become the man I know I will become.

YOU....I...my heart won't allow myself to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Like you said I'm damaged... I know we are just friends and maybe thats what's so hard for me, never mind I drew the lines in the sand...I've crossed that line twice now maybe even three or more times if I truly think about things....

You bring out the portions of me that I know I need to change. You complain alot, which bothers me not, shit if it did I'd do something about it right? You bring out the piece of me that I call the demon. The beast within me that needs to be destoryed or at the least caged. You've called me the devil...to be honest no words have ever rang so violently in my head. You call me evil everyday, you want my affection which I give sparingly.

Lets be real here one day you and I will part ways and you'll find what you are truly looking for, and I pray you do. I ain't right for you, which I partly why I'm so distant. My signals of dismissal aren't to hurt your feelings. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want make you feel what I feel. Yet everyday all I do is, well what it appears to me, make you feel exactly that.

You don't need this, you don't deserve this...I wish I didn't,__insert words that aren't pleasant or in the form of good will to my fellow (wo)man and other things__, everyone and everything I touch...

Growth is inevitable and change is a must, through God all things are possible...

-Hazey

The confusion of it all

Okay so yet again you've met someone new. At this point in my life I DONTgive a damn who he is. You get a new boyfriend and I literally do the same thing every time...

Size him up, estimate the actual relationship, and keep it moving. Why not to sound conceited or anything but you compare everyone to me. I've never been like this before where I just say what the fuck ever I want to say but, today I'm in that kinda mood. I guess what I'm trying to say is my jealousy doesn't even exist. To be honest with every guy that comes your way I feel more and more disrespected by the fact that not one of em is anything like me yet you do this number...

"He's kinda like you but not really...He has some of your qualities...."

I don't know what any of this means really. Its not like I hear from you very often. Its not we're ever gonna date again either. I guess I have a lot of unfinished business looming out there.

-Hazey

Mentally stuck

Lately my minds been, well kinda clogged. It doesn't want to move. There are things I wanna say but can't say them. Things I wanna feel but can't feel them. Things I'm dieing to do but can't do them.

Like I want a particular person, but I know I can't have them. Another person wants me but I know they can't have me. I want to have what I once had again, but I know I'm not anywhere near ready to feel any of that again. I wanna get my life back to where it was 6 months ago but I know I gotta be patient for all of this...

Problematic...got damnit...
this panic is a habit...
confused as a dude on shrooms...
mind spinning round the room...
the temper is rising...
and i'm still flying...
one day I'll come back to the ground...
but I'm soaring, please don't shoot me down...

-Hazey

unsure

This post is called unsure for a good reason

Lately I've been, well I'll correct those words, for quite some time now(lol) I haven't been quite sure of a lot of things in my life.

• Like why am I subjected to situations that constantly make me hear a former lovers words and understanding the full meaning behind them?
• Why did I chose this major again?
• What did I do to deserve this, losing my car?[Apparently my mission here on earth isn't done because I'm still here]
• Why do I keep meeting dumb women?[lol]
• Or worse, why do I keep meeting women whom I can't have or that I shouldn't even want?
• Where do I go from here?

So to clarify for you, My most recent ex, she left a mark on me that I don't even believe she realizes how deep it was. The situations she was forced into I keep finding myself in her shoes in my day to day life, like someone's trying to make me see something. I know what I've said and what I thought and felt deep down, but what's the point of this lesson if she and I aren't well, lets just say somethings never come back. Edge of Desire by John Mayer is playing right now, "I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believed,
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me."

I hate police work, I've been in this major now for almost a year, I HATE IT. Its so fucking stupid, along with this school. So lets just say I'm going to do what I must to get the hell out. I'm still aiming for New York and/or Florida. I have plans but as they say people make plans while God laughs.

The accident has put me so far behind in my mind. Its made me dependent which I can't stand. I haven't truly needed anybody for a long time, I can't lie sometimes I made bad decisions that forced me to stick my hand out. I smoked everyday just to sleep. I quit for about two months and had such trouble sleeping. I was buying once a week to sustain me. I can't front it was a bad habit, but somethings gotta give when your minds forced to think under stronger gravity. Since the accident I've quit. The one thing I'm waiting for now is the ability to sleep normally, I still stay up to 3-4 am even if I'm tired. I wake up everyday at 8:30-45 ITS WEIRD!

Okay when I say dumb women I mean a woman who has the nerve to have a boyfriend at home, is going on a date with someone else while her man is at work and hits me up for sex. That kind of dumb. I think I've said enough on this subject.

Women I can't have, I'll save this subject for another day.

What now?
I got unemployment, I should be getting a car very very soon hahah yeah Ive been saying that for how long now? Anyway I'm just happy somethings giving slowly but surely somethings giving.

Have you ever felt like you and another person are doing the exact same thing to each other? Keeping up with someone else but with no words? Like you secretly check up on them regardless of what's going on in your life? Like they still matter to you but you say nothing making seem as though you don't care?

-Hazey

My problem and my apology

I am just too fuckin scared
I am too needy
I ask to much of you
I want to much from you
I give you the impression I don't trust you
I hurt you everyday
I make you sad everyday
I make you feel like you will never be good enough
I focus too much on him and not enough on you
I don't listen to you
I make you feel like I am never satisfied
I am a horrible boyfriend
and I don't deserve you
:'/
I'm not worthy of you
He deserves you
He is focused on you
He understands you better than I ever will
He is my problem that I fear like the Apocalypse
I try to look past him but I can't
I hurt you time and time again and you don't deserve anything that
I have put you through
and I would understand if you left me
I don't want you to leave
but I would understand
:'/
I'm sorry for all the damage that I've brought with me
I'm sorry I cause you so much pain
I'm sorry that my apology won't suffice to make things easier for you
I am to blame for every single time you have gotten yourself into some bull shit
you wouldn't normally get yourself into
I'm sorry for the thing with your parents, they wouldn't have done that to you if I had used restraint
I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle between him and me
I'm sorry for becoming a rift between those you love and happiness
I wish I could fix it all
I wish I could take away everything that I've caused
If I knew how I would
I feel like shit
I feel like the scum at the bottom of a lake
I feel low
I want to be with you
but at what cost to you
all I do is cause problems for you
I love making you happy but it doesn't seem like I do enough to off set the bullshit I put you through
I don't know what else to say other than I love you
I really do
but I'm starting to believe I don't deserve someone like you

The thing about you is
you are amazing
you are intelligent
you are multifaceted
you are everything I wish I could be
you are strong in ways I wish I could be
you are gorgeous
you are one of a fucking kind and you are a blessing to even know
you make everyday I spend with you a blessing
you are the last good thing I can find in Atlanta
If I lost you I don't know what I would do

You have never done anything to breach my trust
I pray you never will
I understand why you trust him
I do
I wish I could
I don't know what to do or say just know it frightens me to think of him and you in the same place without me
it bothers me
not cause I don't trust you
but because he could take advantage of your friendship
you say he won't
I really hope he doesn't....

Jessica Aybar, I Love You

losing my grip

I used have my mind on grind always on my shit
Now I'm slowly losing my grip
My mother says its growing pains
I call it digging my grave
Constantly feel like I'm stuck on one page
I feel like i'm going insane
My best friend says take it one day at a time
How can I when I'm lost in my mind
I find myself always searching for the answers to questions nobody ever asked
I find my sick and twisted thoughts funny and humorous, i cant help but laugh
I'm losing it, I'm slipping and theres nothing to grab on to
Nothing holding me up nor holding me down with you
somethings in my mind i know arent real as a matter a fact
but i feel like i'm 2 feet deep if fall to 6 feet theres no turning back