Conspiracy

Tell me why life seems to have it out for me
the day to day life of it all seems to speak in sing
the things that just can't ever be
somebody please help me see.
What kind of conspiracy life has on me
somebody explain to me this conspiracy against me....

-Hazey

You know there's nothing quite like losing it all. Believe me I would know what it looks like, feels like, sounds like, smells like, and what these things can do to you. So please spare me with your speeches on somebody elses misfortune. I don't want to hear them. These words seem harsh but you know what I don't care. I have been at the bottom of the pool for a long time. To be honest I've been down here most of my got damn life. I know what its like to sleep three by the foot and two by the head board. I know all about government issued housing and food. I've seen what greed can do to a man. I've also seen what the streets can do to a person. I've lost a lot of myself in just under 20 years. So I don't wanna hear about the poverty in America and the struggle that people go through here. I know people in other countries have it worse but you know what...I am struggling my damn self I don't have time to make myself feel appreciative of what I have. I already am! Nevermind I don't have much to MY name. To be honest I wont have a house in three months but hey maybe thats just not enough for the rest of you to just understand my frustration. I have been trying so got DAMN hard to get on my fucking feet for three got damn years. Damnit I worked to put gas in my car to drive my happy ass to high school...why because I had no choice...I have to pull all my college tuition myself...You know i asked God to allow me to struggle because I was so used to it...hahah...dear God...why did you listen to my dumb ass...I've been on so many GOT DAMN interviews that this week alone!, I went on four! count em....uno....dose...tres...cuatro!....FOUR!...not one of them...not a single one was worth my fucking time really....i swear...

"Effort is supposed to be a tree that bears fruit, howcome in Atlanta the tree was cut down...?!"

when the dust settles

Passion, pain, pride, power.
All the things I gain with you by the hour
in your soul, I pray I lay.
I feel like I've made some mistakes.

Recently we've been kind of off
I feel as though I have been REALLY fuckin up.
I feel like I confuse your heart
Like I confuse your soul
Like I don't hold you enough when we finish
Like I don't kiss you enough
Like I don't laugh enough with you
Like I forgot our inside jokes
Like I just nearly lost you.
I've been feeling like I have been losing you for
a while now
To you it may seem to be second thoughts
or doubts
or feelings of thinking of getting out

and For that I apologize
I apologize for everything
I wish I didn't have to go thru this to figure out
how you felt
I dont wanna call you babes...
but Sweethart(thats how i say it...lol) I Love You
I really do
I see a bright future ahead of us
All I need is a sign from you that says
I'm ready...a sign that says I TRULY AM HERE
with you
Today I got that sign
I dont have doubts anymore
I will admit that I did
I will admit I did you wrong
I will admit that I truly am APOLOGETIC

My doubts:

You calling him babes
Feeling like you were still together with him
Feeling like you secretly wanted him and all I was, was filler
Feeling like you were going to leave me at any moment for him
Feeling like I wasn't really what you wanted
Feeling as though you were carrying another relationship behind my back
Feeling as though I can't trust you

My Hopes?

You dont call him babes
That you do just want a friend level with him and nothing more
That you don't give him false hope for the future
That you don't have a secret relationship with him
that you truly truly do love me the way I love you

What I know NOW:

I can trust you...



Let me Fix your heart, But promise me that it will be only be mine....