The original reason i began writing

My phones off as of this week...and its funny cuz at the moment i wanna send you a text message then I realized that even when I can't even call you...it bothers me...alot...atleast...i notice...to be honest...what I mean is I think about you...alot more than what may appear...I'm sure you like...nigga I have a life up here! lol IN NEW YORK! UP TOP SON, lemme son you, and its startin to get brick lol...


And I also realized you were my first inspiration to begin writing in the first place...I was writing before but the original reason to write was because of you...I used to think how you thunk when I would write...lol...I was confused back then...but I'm just tryna say I miss you...


my words keep falling on themselves because it seems like im trying to run towards you but you don't want me to...I want a lot from life and I remember when you left for new york...direction for me was lost...Ive been tryna steer myself back in the direction I was headed before...when I say its hard to picture life without you...I mean it in ways you don't...


I say these things because its not strange for me to write you...I can write you and not feel like a complete idiot for doing so...I write you because you are my reason to stand...writing you was the only thing that made sense...since I STOPPED...I feel like my direction is off too...like I keep wondering why this...and why that...all the while ignoring you...we aint walking the same walk of life any more...I wish I were there...and at many times wish you were here...


I'm writing you because...I'm glad that even if I never find anyone else...I can still...write you after all this time...MY words seem harsh...hurt...and kinda to the point in my opinion...I wish I could say things better


...but I'm writing you because you are my life line...you are my bridge back to reality...you are my ladder...my life guard in life's ocean


...and I'm so glad you are...


and the sooner I get back to living life with you...the better both of our lives will be...

-HaS

Pen Pal, Life thus far

I know you are all like WTF??? Lol is this a letter? And why is it typed? lol

YES!..

…So I'm gonna be ur pen pal

Imma start writing you to keep you in the loop so when we talk it ain't so full of gaps. I think it may even help our friendship in the long run... I miss you...

I've been so many places and done so much shit idk where to begin. So last place I remember telling you : christena got married to Kim, Micheal is...still not married to that thing with two kids, shorty dropped off the globe after you left, and quitta text me yesterday lol.

Christena married and a he-she. Yep I said it she married a woman that looks like a man, literally...she even moved to Iowa to live with her and be gay lol. That sounds so mean out loud lmfao! Yeah that shit is still funny to me.

Mike works everyday and comes home to that. I wish there was something I could do for em you know? But he's in a tight spot, I trust God though so he'll get out somehow.

I saw shorty once after you left and heard about her at a party. Shit was strange yo. Small world we live in. Ain't heard shit bout her since.

Oh yeah renaldo removed the wet and wavey shit from his head thank God! No more human torch mess. Cuz that nigga was a Hot mess... Now he's just a mess lol he's go his own place though...I'll give him that thou.

Quitta is my nigglet lol. She had me rolling the other day through text messages. Calling me a hot mess for being in the streets lol. She called me a black baboonie lmfao

Alex is getting into college. Daniels big as hell now. Giving me dap and shit. Anthonys still Anthony lol. I'm throwin a lil party at my house this weekend him and Alex are coming.

I wish you were!!! ('_')

Moms dating and everything which is cool. I told her the minute i hear him say the wrong thing, its me and him no longer you and him...lol...I will say I worry about her...

My dads dating a Hispanic woman!!!!!To be honest I have no idea what to say about this. I will say that I am not surprised that he's dating a Hispanic woman, I am surprised that he is in fact dating. He's becoming himself again. I wish him the best of luck. I love my dad, wow I just said that. It's time that time changed anyway. I gotta say I'm kinda happy for him...

I don't know how to say this but I'm going to Florida. I am going to move up there after I finish college though. I'm gonna try and get some music off the ground out there. I know you think I'm prolly never going to come up there but I AM. I just got somethings to do before I do. New York is where I'd like to live and just live you know? I don't make promises often, and I try to keep it that way, but I promise you Imma come get you one day. Imma find a way to surprise yo ass! Lol

Sabrina I want you to know that you mean the world to me, and I don’t know where I’d be if you …yeah…I also what you to know is that no matter what happens. No matter where you go we looking at the same sky at night.

So how is everything? What's going on? How's New York?

-

Sent from my iPod

Hassan Omar Jr

To my best friend

To my very best friend,

"Your asleep...I know I show no real happiness or joy or even excitement that you are here. To be honest I've never been more content with life like I am now. I'm glad your here, I think to much I know. Today you asked me have you ever just felt content? You looked at me and said oh God your gonna say no lol. Honestly I am right now. I've missed you so much I'm in shock that your here..."

You left, and honestly I feel exactly like I did when you left the first time and second time, empty. I can't say you make me weak, I can't say you make me feel strong either. What I can say is you mean the world to me, I really don't know what I'd do without you in my life in someway. In some odd way you bring balance to my confusion, you puzzle me, you make me think and other occasions you make me stop thinking. Today is saturday and I'm up once again with no ability to sleep. I know butted heads while you were here, you were probably even happy to leave me here. What I'm trying to say is Sabrina when I look at you I see so very much yet have so very little to say and I miss the fuck outta you even if at the moment you don't miss me. I know one thing for sure about my life and the direction it's going it I know nothing else, I NEED YOU in it. 

I saw Alex on Thursday the day you left, she looked at me and said you look like nothing in the world matters. Honest to God, seeing you go wasn't something I could turn around and watch, that whole day I was mad you left so soon. I know I'll see you again though, this time it's my turn hahaha, let me know what's going on with you and the possibility of a child. I love you and I miss you more than I could ever express in words or in person.

Love
Hassan   

Let it Out Monday's

I stumbled across this letter on Fai's Blog

Dear Friend,

I had trouble addressing you as "friend," since I don't really consider you that anymore. I'm sorry for that, but I just don't think that we are. I'm sorry for everything that I did wrong, because I know that I had a part in it. I'm sorry that I didn't handle things the right way when I did finally stick up for myself. And I'm really sorry that it took me so long to do so.

I do, however, think that there a few things that you should be sorry for as well. The list goes on and on, but I'm trying desperately to forgive you for all of it, so I will keep it short. I wish that you had apologized for all of the times that you tried to rob my joy. I wish that you would apologize for all of the times that you pretended you didn't see my frustration and my hurt when you manipulated me. I wish that you would apologize for all the times that, because of your many insecurities, you tried to make me insecure as well. I am happy to let you know that even now, it hasn't worked. Despite your hardest efforts, I haven't let you affect my confidence. I wish that even after I confronted you, and laid everything bare so that we could work it out, that you had actually listened, actually apologized for your fault in the situation (I don't claim all of it), and that we would have been able to reconcile.

I am really sorry that we haven't been able to be friends lately, and that I doubt that we will ever be again, but I don't regret distancing myself from you. It has been one of the best things that I have done for myself, and after 20 years of letting you walk all over me, I vow never to let you, or anyone else do that to me again. Thanks for teaching me that, it was obviously a lesson that I really needed to learn.

Sincerely,

Me.

I needed that.

These words make a man think twice about the words he lets fly out of his mouth.
For instance today I sorta kinda told a woman off for letting some disrespectful words fly out her mouth about my BEST friend.

Now this person I have dated before, I'm starting to sound like a whore already, anyway I dates this girl before. I broke up with her because of a conflict of interest. She wanted a long term relationship and I didn't want to be in that type of relationship with her, to say. I liked her but I was just 16, I mean seriously. At that time she was about to turn 18, I also have a strange attraction to older women :/, anyhow, I broke up with her and that same day my BEST friend knocked on my door.

NOW I was living my life going through Gang affiliation and Drug related bullshit that I had no business getting involved in. I met some friends for LIFE by going through all of that. I have friends in jail,who doesn't right? I have lost friends, not from bullets but from them living a life I wasn't proud of myself living with them. I had a job during all of this shit. I've had friends being shot at. I've seen alotta coke deals. I've been in the damn room as people weighed weed, sold zannys, popped rolls, done triple Cs, robo trip, I've even purchased weed myself(as many of you know, BTW I QUIT that shit...). My BEST friend would take me to work on days my mom couldn't afford to. She would also pick me up there. I got her a job there with me. The woman that I broke up with also worked there. LITTLE DID I KNOW she had told everyone there that we dated and broke up and all this. I NEVER KNEW!

One of the managers hated me and I never knew why. Well I found out three years later. My life was hell at my previous job because I was in love with another woman in front of her. For three years she believed she was ugly and that I dumped her for my BEST friend.

When someone told me KARMA WAS A BITCH! Why didn't someone tell me it would come in such a strange way. I broke up with that girl three years ago in September. Three years later I hang out with her and she tells me how much I hurt her. The thing was I didn't mean to cause that much damage.


It is said, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." I learned that one the long way.

Now to what I said, even one of my boys from way back said I came off like an asshole about it.
I said to JB, " Sabrina..."

Salvy said, "You mean that white bitch?"

I snapped, " Look I'm only going to tell you once, don't talk shit about her in my face, I won't let anybody talk shit about you in front of my face and I damn sure ain't gonna let anybody talk shit about her in front of mine."

She said, "Damn its like that."

I could have said it better, but she also didn't have to get disrespectful with it either.

That note and that situation just made me think about the way I handle situations and the people close to me, especially my family and friends.

Take my words for what they are worth, do with them what you will.

-Hazey

Today was probably one of the best days I've had in such a long time... Damn I missed days like this...

Seriously it's like today was the day I transitioned from being a boy to the man that I will one day become. I'm prideful, heartfilled and my head is clear. My shoulders are back and my eyes focused.

Today I went to starship headquarters, bunch of freaks geeks and weirdos in that mothafucka(hahahah) gotta say it was a waste of time but the day was awesome. I mean after basically taking a math test for a job that would later inform me that they had no open positions available, I felt good. Me and Jb came back from Eastpoint and kicked it with the dominincans. Well Justin and troy got into a fight. Yeah Justin didn't really lose Troy hit him all of once, but he had Justin leakin everywhere. Hood shit ye digg, right after Troy claims his bullshit ass win they smoke a blunt and things are cool. Well not really we basically all chill and everythings good you know? Me, jb, Justin, and anthony we all chill cop a few grams for ant and keep it moving. One of my other exes, Sarai wants me to come chill and burn one with her. It's all good ye digg, I hadn't chilled with niggas up the block in years. I kick it with her and her brother whom I've never met...lol...well til today. He was cool, I gotta say I ain't hard to get along with (as long as emotions aren't involved). So she tells me she has a friend for me...lol...it's days like this that make a man laugh so very hard from such a wonderful place inside. Anyway we chill I head back to the house and tesha hitting me up talkin bout her ex boyfriend woke her saying the following and I quote "your phones in the woods, your shits in the van I'm taking you to the gas station and leaving you there...diiiiaaaabbbbllloooooo!!! So I'm still hype off the fight from earlier in the day and kickin ass is something a niggas itching for! Real talk Joe! So I tell her call me in two hours. She gets around to calling me three hours later. Now understand this girl has been through some shit in her life. She has no one anymore. This mothafucka leaves her at a gas station with no phone and no money. I don't care what she did, stranding her like that will not look good when you are finally judged by the Lord. Anyhow l go back to mikes and eveyone is there. It's so great to see Dee, Karen, Judy, Rachel, Micheal, Justin, Andrew and Miguel in the same place at yeah same time. I won't lie with the death of Mrs. Karen it's a tragedy that brought more unity to this family than had been missing for a while. I will pay my respects on Friday morning. It's crazy yo because they are my second family they treat me like one of there own. They feed me when I'm there every time. That entire family never has a negative thing to say about me, and the same goes from me to the world and within.
I come home and things have finally fallen into place about how they should be. My mother is sleeping and finally thinking clearly, my brother is being a young man he's speaking up and talking so much more. I swear I love that kid like he were my kid at times. I see so much potential in him it's crazy. You know recently he talks to me more he even kicks it with the Vasquez household and everything. I swear he makes me smile. 

Now to myself, hahah, well as for me. I can say I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. I am going to get where I want to be. I have let everything pile on me and let them cloud my thoughts. I've finally figured out who Hassan Omar Jr is. I hVe finally faced my demons about myself and are fighting them one by one day by day. No things aren't great or wonderful. Yes there are plenty of sleepless nights but I'm back to being happy. For the first time in my life I'm not ashamed of who I am and where I'm going and where I came from. Yes I come from basically nothing. My parents worked themselves up to where they are. I will do the same because I know if they can do it I can do it so much better. New York, I'm still aiming for you!


-1
-Hazey    

Dear Sabrina

I miss you. I wish, I wish I was there with you. I wish you and I had never parted. Both relationship wise and phyiscally. I wish I could call you everyday, I wish I was apart of your life like I used to be. I wish I hadn't lost so much of myself when you left. Because the past few years I've spent all my time trying to remember who the fuck I am. I sometimes I even wish there was a slim chance of hope between you and I. I won't lie sometimes I wish I had never forced myself to move on, because maybe I wouldn't be sitting where I am now. I am at home alone. I've spent the last four days completely by myself. I've realized that I'm not really important to anyone here. No one not one person but Jb decided to come see me when I needed a friend the most. I think that somewhere deep down I knew this. You were literally the only person who showed me what true friendship is. Yes mike has always been there but he has a kid, Rei well he's gay lol, shorty never decided to keep in touch, my exes well they all well moved on or replaced me. You were literally the only person in the world that I know for a fact I can love and can loved in return with no regret. Yes we went through alot when we were younger but in the end atleast we had each other. Recently, well actually ever since you've left all I've been trying to do is fill the void you left behind. Biish you left a huge fucking hole in my life. Yes I will admit I loved those girls with as much of me as I could give but I can see now the love I gave them wasn't for them. Maybe it was for you....

Idk, I know I love you N I miss you, I hope this letter helps you understand a bit more
-HaSSaN

Write back :P

What I had slapped in my face

I talked to you today
you gave me peace of mind
you gave me a reason to relax
you gave me the strength to pull myself together and get a hold of myself
you made me feel like a fool but it was well deserved
you are my best friend in the world and you mean so very much to me
I want to thank you
I've let you down a few times in the past and I tried my best to make up for that
You reminded me of who I am
You reminded me of how I am
You reminded me that I am strong, that I am strong in will
You reminded me that I need not hang my head in shame
You reminded me that I am FUCKIN' TRIPPIN'
You reminded me that we have a similar relationship to what is going on
and if ANYTHING, I should understand her more than anyone
You reminded me of what and how I used to be
a MAN
You reminded me of what I have always been like
and how I have let the rear view mirror steer me in a forward direction
You have never left my side Sabrina,
you broke my heart but you have always been there for me and I appreciate it
When I'm hardest on myself, you're always there to lend a helping hand in the ridicule lol
and for all its worth you will always have a tiny piece of my heart and that will never change
I won't lie I know you and I will always have each others back when times get hard
and that when its all said and done our kids will play together ( lol insider)
sometimes I feel so alone
I feel like I'm wandering
I feel like I'm wasting time
I feel like I'm not important to anyone
I feel like I'm just taking up space
and you remind me that if I die you're going to kill more bitches (lmfao)
Through the years I have seen our relationship go from friends to lovers to friends to lovers to friends to lovers to friends
and honestly it makes me smile from deep within
and it makes me understand everything even more so everyday
I can't wait to go out and club with you
and do everything we wanted to do so very long ago
it makes me smile
and I know that's how my woman feels for him
I know its a short lived thing and you remind me that I have nothing to worry about
she'll get past what she's feeling now
You reminded me of all that she has said to me and how it's what I need to believe
because she has done nothing to betray me
You reminded me of how I love and how I AM FAR FROM NEEDY
so yeah I miss you so very much
I can't wait to see you

[Freeze! don't change don't leave don't go, baby just Freeze!]