Today was the day that I made the most crucial bond I've ever made. I chose to follow my dreams. The day I went back to the person he used to be. My mind is ready for this. I'm riding south to struggle even more, but shit I'm ready for it. I don't think I've ever been more confident in myself.

I told myself something today that opened my eyes to who the fuck I really am. I'm gonna miss out on alotta things. I'm gonna leave  a place I've grown attached to. I will miss my Godsons birthdays and Ill miss weddings. The parties, the new places and cars everyone gets. I also can't put my life on hold while they live their lives. I may want to see this but I can't stay here. I'm gonna miss everyone but my life's calling...

Life is about making the life you want. I decided to do what I was born to do. Use my damn voice and my words. I've looked and honestly music is all I can see myself ever doing. There isn't anything I could ever do. My decision to take the path set before me long ago was a long and hard decision to make. I will say that not even can fight fate. God had a plan for me from the beginning Can't turn around now. Its time I faced my damn life for what it is gonna be :)

fucking awesome!

life is what you make it and the sooner I realized I always had the means to get where I wanna go.

Stay focused, stay hungry, trust God...

I want a family, I want a house, I want the whole dream not just a piece of it. I know that if I want it all I have to work hard for it to protect it, defend it, earn it, and make a way to achieve it. 

My music playlist is looking like this right about now

Talking- Young Jeezy

Lights Please- J. Cole

Dollar and a Dream- J. Cole

Grown Simba- J. Cole

Trap or Die 2- Young Jeezy

Heartbreak Hotel- Game and Diddy

It's Been a Pleasure- Young Jeezy and Drake

Flight Double O- M.O.E.T.

Cut You Loose- M.O.E.T.

Fear- Drake

Shake- Game

Slanging Rocks- Game

Everything Red- Game, Lil Wanye, Birdman

I'm Back- T.I.

D.O. Wave- M.O.E.T.

Atlanta Zoo- Gucci Mane

This list will get bigger....

-Hazey

The Lesson learned...

FUCK EVERYBODY! First of all, minus my awesome blog readers of COURSE!

I've learned my damn lesson. I am so tired of relying on ANYBODY FOR ANY DAMN THING!
FUCK THAT SHIT!

I have a few good friends that can help me out in the clutch but damnit waiting on people, expecting people to do right is not something I can ever do again. Shit I'm not perfect I fuck up, shit who doesn't, I may need help every now and then but for the most part I have never truly relied on anyone. Losing my car meant losing the most valuable thing possible to me. MY FUCKING I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-C-E.

The part that makes me the man I am. My voice, my ability, yes I can be lazy, yes I can foolish, I can be emotionally needy at times, but who isn't? Shit even dogs need to be patted on the head every now and then just to get on with their days. Today was the last straw for me. I've been outta work for a month tomorrow. I haven't driven a car since either. Its killing me inside. I now know what my EX truly meant about her independence.

At first my heart hurt over my car being totaled and no longer having a car. Then not having a job. Next not having any more money. But today sitting at home having no way to get where I need to go ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN has me at my boiling point. So its back to having my life in my own hands. Fuck this bull shit.

I have so much to do at school. So my plan was

• Get on MARTA get to school
• Speak with Dr. Ferguson
• Get student Accounts to sign my paperwork
• Scan a document needed for my police work class
• and mail my documents to the D.O.L.(department of labor)

But as we all know, Man makes plans and God Laughs...

No One Can get me to the TRAIN STATION!!!!!!!!!
I've since found a solution to my problem...
Sorry for venting on here but I had to...

Much Love
-HaZey

I hate when I remember to remember you

I decided to think of you today...
and all the crap you would say...
the cheap shots you would take,
at my pride to put a smile on your face...
the memories of the way,
the sunlight hit your face...
it makes me angry now in every way...
I guess its just like they used to say...
train tracks go both fucking ways......

-Hazey

The version my mind really originally wrote

I decided to think of you today...
and all the things you would say...
the shots you would take,
to put a smile on my face...
the memories of the way,
the sunlight hit your face...
it made me smile in every way...
I guess its just like I always say...
I decided to think of you today...
but train tracks go both fucking ways...
don't they?
yes train tracks do go both fucking ways...
I guess its just like they used to say...
everything that you you used to say...
it makes me angry now in every way...
the way sunlight used to hit your face...
the memories still stay and never fade,
the cheap shots you would take,
at my pride to put a smile on your face...
and all the crap you used to say...
yeah....I decided to think of you today...

-Oso

Hazeys rant

Hazeys rant- Feeling Good- muse


What would I do in that position?!
Try to make them play my shit or try to make em listen?
well here's one for the split ends
Children, please sit down and listen
I am not your species but I am one gods children
I am but a mere shell to those amongst the living
I walk amongst you as dog on villian
No I don't breathe like you but I am not living
I'm a dead gone shadow of what's to come
A ghost from the future,
The perils of time hold no bounds to me
Poetic justice is a mustes, no it ain't a word
But poetry flows out my mouth like I act my verbs
My nouns, sentence structure and punctuation
The rebirth of soul in music has been steadily awaiting
My final arrival in a world of nay-Sayers
The wanna be ballas-hustlas-and claim stakers
Hustlin up a dolla with their sacks and scales
They only deal so they can make records and set bail
Yet you idiots all listen and play they shit loudly
So hip hop is dead it just needs a new man to stand proudly
And represent the real people besides the fake chains
Not all black musicians need to be tied to the drug game
Why am I the only one buying the 5 and 10 sacks of green
I mean the trees killed to make they whack album cover sheets
while the songs had me twisted the block had me downshifted
Being somebody I'm not is not something I can persist at
So to all you rappers out there, grab ya fitted caps
Ya Trey eights, 5ths and Ks, Cuz when The RGz walk through ya board meeting
That's all you'll be needing, you a hustla make some money doing what you do best
You know make a way outta no way and leave music to the people that do it best
I'll I hold the gun and squeeze the trigga on you whack niggas
Ladies and gentle, this is what real rap is, it's not just rims, breasts, and second rate thugs
hip hop ain't dead it's just been waiting for someone to pull the plug
Stop feeding these beasts, they can eat without you buying they tracks, lame
They got money for days, piss alcohol and bleed champagne
The rebirth of music as a whole rests solely on my name
Here is my entry to music, and my claim to the game
I won't wife her, she's been passed around to much to give her my name
So with that said it's time to move this shit forward
Hazeys coming home to make you humans feel stupid not just a lil awkward

-Hazey

When it's too late

>>>[Sooner than later-Drake]<<<

Dear, dear you,

They say hind sight is twenty twenty. I hate that cuz in real life I'm blind without my contacts or glasses. I missed the girl of my heart, the love I had for her, and though I can see it now and am too late to see it I miss the love she gave me and had for me. It's hard to forgive myself when I think about how much I showed her she wasn't worthy. How many times I showed her I didn't see how much she loved me. How much she really cared. It quietly kills me.

This woman would see me despite the constant threat of being disowned by her family, despite her friends disapproval, despite her knowing it would never last. She helped me eventhough I acted like an immature bastard if I didn't get my way.

All the while still greeting me with a smile and a kiss and hug full of love. She couldn't promise me a life with her, she couldn't promise me her heart, she couldn't even promise me another day of her love.

What really kills me is what I would say to her. The bullshit I let fly out of my mouth and the things i would indirectly accuse her of doing. She may never show it but I hurt her the worst way possible in my mind, she turned her back on everything for an ungrateful asshole like me who did nothing but accuse her wanting someone else. I mean seriously people I would accuse her wanting her ex when the truth of the matter was she may miss being in love with him, he was her first love who doesn't?

I feared her love for him so much that I let it drive her further away from me. I let my insecurities from past relationships steer my motives and my love for her. She couldn't love anyone really, not because she didn't want to or because she's a heartless bitch, NO! According to her up bringing her heart wasn't hers to give away. Yet she loved me anyway. Everyman says," He loves a woman and all that" but they don't realize, well I didn't realize the blessing that I had until today. How much I had strayed from the man I am, how much I lost focus of her and loving her that I lost her to my fear.

Nothing like realizing this too late. She doesn't know that everything she's ever said to me, done for me, given me, how much I still appreciate and learn from it still. You know I had a girl tell me that what I felt for my ex couldn't have been that strong. I looked her in the eye and said have you ever been in love? She said no. I looked at her and said then shut the fuck up lol.

I remember a close friend of mine is a mother now. She said do you miss her? I said can you tell? She said we all can see it in your eyes.

She didn't have to be there, she did to have to see me, she didn't have to call me, she didn't have to do anything....she did anyway...she did it because she wanted to...even though she works a full time job and is a full time student who doesn't get much sleep, or free time for that matter...

Seriously people watch what you do and say to people,
Don't end up sorry like I am right now.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"
Lol what good intentions did I have with her? I lost sight of them half way in...

This song at the top, I remember riding to her job and hearing this song all the time. Always thinking I hope she never says these words to me, what's fucked up is I'm saying them...

I remember always thinking I'm in competition with her ex. Always thinking is anything I'm doing brand new or does it all just remind you of him? When you look at me are you happy with what you see or do you wish I were him? I remember literally killing her happiness sometimes, that used to kill me...anyway, as you can see I have some work to do on myself and one day forgiving myself for the decisions I made and my actions....

Take these words for what they're worth...

Siempre y nunca,
-Hazey

RE: JWS...In My Opinion..

I wasn't sure if you wanted my opinion literally on your post I put it on mine. I hope you will read it someday. Also I hope you don't mind what I'm saying to you.

You're smart, very smart. In my opinion I believe if anything you of all people should completely understand what its like to be in his situation. Yes he is still talking to her but you gotta remember that, regardless of there current relationship status, she at some point was a person that mattered to him. How do you think I felt? I mean no offense but what you see here is exactly what I saw. In truth, not word for word but from the sounds of it, same scenario. I mean no he may not want to be with her anymore but, you can't expect her to just disappear because you walked into his life.I'm saying this because he may be worth your time. I say hang in there. I think I've said enough. I hope this helps, but then again, you probably already knew this...

-Hazey

RE:Remembering full version

Remembering
The article

-HaS
*
I am a military Brat as people will call it. My family is made up mostly servicemen or former servicemen. My uncles, my cousins, my great uncles and there nieces and nephews. All the way down to my very own parents. You can still see the service with in them today. It changes a person. Disciplines them even. My own parents however do not want me to enter the armed forced in any fashion whatsoever. Now they never said I couldn't. They just feel its not a necessary route for me to undertake. I understand that. The amount of service and dedication you have to put into being in the armed forces puts a strain on your family and in times like these its best to avoid anymore strain. I have an inner and utmost respect for men and women within the military. Not trying to say anything by this next statement but many of you know it to be true. When people say they have a respect for them often times its is a tad cliche, often people respect them for the simple fact that they themselves couldn't push themselves to do it. My respect however comes from experience I should say. Many people don't know what it's like to watch one of your parents in a uniform and rifle headed off to another country for months on end. Many people don't know the mental strain it places on couples and their families not just immediate but the entire family. I on th other hand am able to keep things at the front of my mind without it hurting too much as others tend to push it to the back in hopes things work out for the best. I guess I can do that because well I had to. My father,yes the man I love but have a horrible relationship with, served in Korea and in the Gulf war the first one.
I have a few pictures of him and all its kinda funny, I can see why he says I remind him of him {lol}...the truth of the matter is I have never really said this but there are a few times very fair and wide they maybe that I have a really high respect and pride in what and where my father has gone in his life. Those moments are rare and I try my hardest to hang on to them. Thats what this post is about.
me and my father

My father and his brothers

*

I do agree with you. The sad part my own family which has mostly military men and women involved look at it as just a way to kick off the summer. At the current moment my uncle is serving his 6th or 7th tour overseas going back and forth from IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN. My father served in the first gulf war my great uncles served in WWII and another one of my uncles served in Kuwait at the start of the war. My mother being of also a military background acts the way the rest of the nation does even though the war itself effects directly more than most.

So in agreement, Yes today is a day of remembrance....

A testament to what was

Here it goes,

This is a living testament to you and us and our love that once was.

Dear God where do I start, Sweetheart you were amazing. You were literally like a dream. You made me so very happy during that short period of time. When I said you were special, damnit baby I meant that shit. You made me the happiest man I had ever been in my life. I honestly wanted to see us go very far together in life. Damn I never thought I'd be sitting here after all this time and just reflecting on everything about us. It was so beautiful it makes me smile from deep within something I couldn't even fake. We went through a lot in that short period of time. Honestly if I could go back I would have kissed you longer, held you tighter, texted you more, called you more, smiled more, done so much more to show you how happy you made me. Shit even my mom noticed how happy you made me, when I went to lunch with her she was like "Where's Jessica? I was expecting you to bounce in here with her and a smile on your face." I'm looking the picture frame you got me for my birthday and how much it touched me when you got it for me. I'm looking at our new years photo and saying wow, Hassan you had a wonderful girl who loved you and cared for you more than any other woman you ever met. She, you, were the best I ever had, you were literally what a man wants to have as a wife and as a life partner. You make my heart weak just thinking about everything you ever did for me. Its like you were the biggest blessing to ever cross my path. I wish I had more time to love you and hold you and kiss you and everything. He said it best, you are gravity. You held me down and loved me the way I always dreamed of being loved. I regret some things but those aren't things I can change.

I'm choosing to close this chapter of us.
I let you down, I realize this. I read this blog a while back and it nearly made me cry. It was about this woman and how her marraige made her and her life a black hole and lost everything about herself almost. It made me think of everything I put you through, nearly killed me inside.

here it is if you wanna take a look
( http://on2ndthought.wordpress.com/on-divorce/ )

I'm not mad or upset or even heartbroken to be honest. You still have my heart though I may never have yours again. I realized I lost myself in this relationship as well. I realized that maybe it isn't fair to say we lost ourselves but that we decided to go against what we once believed in.
I wanna say this I was fearful of someone you told me I shouldn't fear, because you don't want this person. I didn't believe that, reason is because of all that I had been through and that you were a lot like me. When it comes down to the wire I will be honest he was endangering our relationship and honestly all I really wanted was for transparency and for you to stop talking to him so much. The reverse happened actually you talked to him more and more and never answered his phone calls in front of me. In all honesty I doubted you because you left too much room for reasonable doubt. Then again I am also to blame for things too. I never would've reacted that way a year ago. Searching through a persons phone, reading their shit isn't me at all. Honestly, me freaking out like that was even me, it wasn't turtle, it was hendrx now that I think of it. I am different now I don't want to do what I once did. I will admit I am still afraid of you hurting me but I don't think I need to worry about that anymore. I am sorry for changing into a monster that made you suffer through constant questioning and invasion of privacy. That isn't who I am. I became a monster who smelled something all too familiar and I freaked out. I knwo you don't want an apology but I apologize to you sweetheart.

US:
Man we were something to admire, I will miss people stopping and staring. I will miss looking into your eyes. I will miss meeting you halfway. I will miss driving to alpharetta and giving you a big kiss and hug and saying "Bebita!!!!!". I will miss going to school with you holding my hand. I will miss us in general. I really wish I could have given you that one year anniversary, it would have been a night to remember. I gave you my all, literally I gave you my heart, my love, my affection, my time, my patience, my endurance, my understanding(as much as I could), my ears(eventhough they don't always work), my friendship, my car, and I wanted to give my name and children. But hey God has a different plan, I guess. We made so many memories together and I will never forget a single one of them. I will always want to go on another adventure with you. I am hoping one day the roads east of the sun and west of the moon will lead me back to you and you back to me. I have never been given so much love by any one other than my mom and I thank you for all of it. I thank you for being my ice(lol).

Now:
They have arrived here in Atlanta. You are happy and I'm happy for you. I will say that you have everything you need now. You can be happy and just live your life. You have your mom talking to you again, you have him again, you have Soozi, and are still in school, and you have a strong will to do what must be done. I love you so much and nothing will ever change that. I will always wna to be with you as your man. I made many mistakes but I guess I still need to grow. I am taking my leave. You don't need me coming in between you and your loved ones anymore. I can't do that to you anymore. Who knows maybe you and him can work this time. Who knows maybe your mom will accept him one day, she and your family will never accept me. You love him so deeply and honestly you can't tell me you don't. You have your old life back and honestly there's no room for a young troublemaker like me in it. You are moving on and forward with you life and I don't want to hold you back anymore. I will try to be happy and do my best in this world. If our paths are supposed to cross again they will. If not keep you head up! You are way to beautiful to be looking at the ground.

I am so thankful to have met, and loved such an amazing person as you and you were literally the best I ever had. I will always want to be your man. I changed for you and for myself. Maybe one day you can see I can be trusted and that things are different.
Sweetheart I know you are thinking I thought he would give me the quarter, I am. I am also giving you more. I'm giving you your life back, your heart, and your time back. I took too much. I know you probably don't have anything to say to this but, I love you and if you ever want to try again regardless of what you have done with anyone else, I'm here.

I wonder

sometimes I wonder if I am just running from the truth
sometimes I wonder if my fears aren't really what's pushing you
sometimes I wonder if I just so fearful of you hurting me that I push you to do it
sometimes I hurt myself with thoughts that make me doubt it
us, and everything inside me
I love her so much
I just opened my eyes
and I will pull this love back together if it kills me

♫♫so can you do me a favor/ if i pull it together/make it sooner than later/ we wont be here forever/ and i realized i waited too long/ but please dont move on/ you dont need no one else/♫♫

What I had slapped in my face

I talked to you today
you gave me peace of mind
you gave me a reason to relax
you gave me the strength to pull myself together and get a hold of myself
you made me feel like a fool but it was well deserved
you are my best friend in the world and you mean so very much to me
I want to thank you
I've let you down a few times in the past and I tried my best to make up for that
You reminded me of who I am
You reminded me of how I am
You reminded me that I am strong, that I am strong in will
You reminded me that I need not hang my head in shame
You reminded me that I am FUCKIN' TRIPPIN'
You reminded me that we have a similar relationship to what is going on
and if ANYTHING, I should understand her more than anyone
You reminded me of what and how I used to be
a MAN
You reminded me of what I have always been like
and how I have let the rear view mirror steer me in a forward direction
You have never left my side Sabrina,
you broke my heart but you have always been there for me and I appreciate it
When I'm hardest on myself, you're always there to lend a helping hand in the ridicule lol
and for all its worth you will always have a tiny piece of my heart and that will never change
I won't lie I know you and I will always have each others back when times get hard
and that when its all said and done our kids will play together ( lol insider)
sometimes I feel so alone
I feel like I'm wandering
I feel like I'm wasting time
I feel like I'm not important to anyone
I feel like I'm just taking up space
and you remind me that if I die you're going to kill more bitches (lmfao)
Through the years I have seen our relationship go from friends to lovers to friends to lovers to friends to lovers to friends
and honestly it makes me smile from deep within
and it makes me understand everything even more so everyday
I can't wait to go out and club with you
and do everything we wanted to do so very long ago
it makes me smile
and I know that's how my woman feels for him
I know its a short lived thing and you remind me that I have nothing to worry about
she'll get past what she's feeling now
You reminded me of all that she has said to me and how it's what I need to believe
because she has done nothing to betray me
You reminded me of how I love and how I AM FAR FROM NEEDY
so yeah I miss you so very much
I can't wait to see you

[Freeze! don't change don't leave don't go, baby just Freeze!]

As February...

As February closes, and the days grow longer
I begin notice another with you I've grown another month stronger
I still have high hopes my love, with a lesser worrisome tone
I still dream of what did at Julianna's small and drunk home
The things we said I still do believe
I just hope I can save whats left of your heart and convince you to never leave
So its time to get back on my grind, and roll up my sleeves
I'm NOT gonna try harder, JUST not make you not leave
No my love I'm gonna remind of why we are here in this
of why were still in this relationship
I wanna remind you of what created our spark
and see the light that faded in you heart
flicker back up with power pride passion and sunshiney weather :)
I wanna show you I'm changing for you and for the better
I promise you I'm gonna hold on to you through all the bad weather
I'm gonna show you what we are building is way stronger and better
than any thing this storm can brew
I wanna show you how much I truly love you
yet at the same time show you why it is that you love me too