when i need a reminder

this post was actually going to be a long drawn out compliant about my life and it s frustrations but instead im going curve this muthafucka and take a look at the people, the moments, and the opportunities being handed to me by God

• I have gained 5 of the best friends I'll probably ever have as an adult
• I have gained a sense of self
• I have gained a standing point for who I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually
• I have gained a stronger bound with my mother and even stronger bound with my brother
• I have become closer to my friends than I ever have before
• I understand my own thought patterns
• no kids
• no criminal record
• a job(which i will soon be quitting :])
• good health
• good looks(i have an ego too you know)
• and EVERY MOMENT  IN MY LIFE that has improved my life thus far(travel, education, certain people)
• I have gained a car that I will most likely have until i am much older
• I have gained the chance to break new grounds on who i am as a person in another state
• I have gained a much broader picture of what it takes to really be successful in life
• I have learned so much about myself since graduation that this move to NY on the 9th of August(bought my ticket saturday the 9th of July)

though I may feel as though i am failing at it now, i know with God my path is only bound to be an enlightening one...

In this life I have been asking for too little which is why I am always disappointed in the outcome of things, I learned to ask for more than what you want, because that way you are more likely to get exactly what you want...

i have much to complain about, but in the bigger picture of things its small...very small compared to literally anyone... I could complain about my job, my pay, my lack of the ability to save a dime, my excessive drinking and smoking, my paranoia with moving, my guilt when it comes to my mom and bro, etc!


But tonight I'm just going to say Thank You! and remember the list up there
-Hazey

Hazey's list

Its about 1:15 am est here in Atlanta, Ga. If you haven't seen on the news, its very fuckin cold out side lol. I'm sick and have been sick now since Christmas fuckin day. I went to the Dr./ Clinic seeing as how my regular psychisian was thriple booked on New Years Eve when I found Blood in my mucus. So now I'm finding it impossible to sleep, I can eat but my favorite pass time SLEEP is basically an up hill stream and I aint got a paddle. So I got out of bed and decided to write to all those people out there how read my Blog, ( thanks for reading btw :] ). So after veiwing a very interesting persons blog today I decided that I should make a list of everything I want to do before I die. Gotta say its kinda exciting when I think about it.


This is Hazey's List:

1. Visit New Zealand
2. Visit Australia
3. Speak Fluent Spanish by the age of 24
4. Begin to learn Arabic, Japanese, and French by 26(yeah I'm aiming high bitch)
5. Graduate from College and begin a masters program somewhere.
6. OWN MY OWN APARTMENT!
7. Finally get my German Shepard
8. Add 50 lbs. of muscle to this frame of mine(I'll fill you guys in on that a bit later)
9. Get my full back custom Tattoo
10. Own a two seater car and a Chopper
11. Travel the world!
12. Learn three different types of Martial Arts from their places of ORIGIN
13. Learn to play the Guitar( this includes: bass, acoustic, and electric)
14. Learn to play the Drums as well
15. Relearn to play the Sax and French horn also Trumpet
16. Live outside the US for a 7 years
17. Get duel citizenship to another country
18. Get lost in the world for a while
19. Return to the US and have thousands of pictures to share with my family and friends
20. One day start my own family
    

updates

Okay so its been a while since I have given the world an update on my life thus far. I think its time I gave an update. I got a speeding ticket in Dekalb county in June. I went to the recorders court but by the grace of God himself the power went out and they must hence forth reset my court date, thank you Jesus! I was going exactly 33 miles over the speed limit and according to a recent law past my liscence should be suspended because I was caught going 30 miles over the limit under the age of 21. So you can best believe that I am so very happy to be able to drive and take my happy ass to work.
Okay so I'm single and in the past month and a half I have meet a few new people that honestly deserve a good 7 laughs. First up is a good friend of mine named Hill. I swear she is cool people but is like the spitting image of Christena my ex girl friend whom fucked me over very very badly. Now with that said she acts and even walks like my ex. She has a similar voice but not exactly. I often times find myself getting irritated with her over dumb shit that my ex did that I couldn't stand back then. Gotta work on that. I am not, will not, and shall not ever date and/or persue any type romantic relationship with her. For several reasons. She is a serious pot head and sorry to say it but she runs through guys fairly quickly. In my head i'm screaming "Hell NAH not even, BUT we can be friends and be cool ye digg." Now as far as everything else about her, she seems to think I don't want her because of her weight. Well, thats partly true but the first two things I mentioned are the things that KILL her chances with a shotgun. Yes I will admit she is a heavier set woman but that aint whats killing it, its the fact that she acts like Christena that's killing it. So after basically demolishing all of her hopes to ever get with me we are now just good friends. And to be honest I enjoy that.
I also met this random Dominican girl named Lucy. Yes she has the same name as my car. Quite ironic if you ask me. But nonetheless she was just a reminder of what I like in a woman. I love Latina women. Don't get me wrong if you are of another race I won't discriminate, I will in fact participate :). Anywho she informed me that the Dominican restaurant that I used to go to quite often was actually a cover up for a drug operation and the owner is now in jail for a LONG time.
Now aside from that Dominican there are my friends the Vazquez family. Justin recently moved to Georgia to live with his family here. He's cool as hell, Dominican as fuck. Now the part that has me in a bind is the fact that the house hold contains not one but two children under the age of 1 and there happens to be a lot of well unlawful activity going on if you get my drift. I honestly don't want to be apart of that anymore. Especially because the last few times I was there, 5 police squad cars pulled up. It was on that note that I decided it was time to move forward.
It was recently that I remembered who I was. Being that yes I had lost myself. I had lost myself for exactly 3 years and 2 months. Never thought I'd be the one to say this but I'm glad I finally recognize myself. Could you imagine waking up every single morning for 3 years and not recognizing yourself in the mirror. Every time I would pass by a mirror or see my reflection I was surprised or worse, I didn't even know that's what I looked like that day. Yes I could remember what I was wearing but I could never put my face on anything. I couldn't recall my own image. It was after watching the movie Orphan and smoking a good bit of marijuana that I realized what happened to me. You see I am not a perfect child, I was in fact involved with drugs, gangs, and honestly a lot of illegal activity that I know for sure that I should be in jail for. Thank God I'm not. The past is the past and moving forward is what life is about. It turns out that when my best friend left the state to get away from one person, it changed me. I didn't follow my dreams anymore, I didn't believe in myself anymore, and I didn't recognize myself anymore. I am a musical person with my artistic attributes. So tell me how does an artistic person lose themselves so much that they abandon all artistic ties and take up criminal justice or business as a career? Well I somehow or another did and when the person that I was woke up from 3 years of sleeping, I literally asked myself WTF!? Why am I not in Florida? Why am I still in Georgia? Why am I criminal justice major and why don't I have anything music related or even art related in my belongings anymore? I don't know but for years I seemed to have forgotten myself and it only took three broken hearts and a broken dream to wake me up.
So now that I am awake I am considering moving to Florida again. I am currently trying to find an acoustic guitar and a teacher. I want to attend many poetry slams and begin a few of my own. I want to attend def poetry slam if not be apart of it then at least watch. I want to travel the world and hopefully along the way find that perfect girl.


DAMN, it feels good to be back :)

-Hazey

new found dreams

Man today realized I have some new dreams:

• I wanna get straight As in school
• I wanna get this job at titlemax
• I wanna go to law school if I enjoy criminal justice program
• I wanna own my own condo in atlanta
• or atleast have a lease on an apartment
• I wanna get back in shape
• I wanna pursue my happiness once again
• I wanna get a dog

Man there are sooo many things I wanna do with my life

its true he takes to give something better...I understand...

I miss her...but I understand

You know God is funny like that. Who knew a year ago I would be the one to pick your head up from crying in the mall as the world seemed to spin and your dreams crashed around you? Who knew a year later we'd end up where we began in the first place? Its like God answered my prayer but gave me a time limit to enjoy it. Its like he said here you go. Enjoy while you can, I have big plans for you. Taste your dreams and your happiness and remember what it feels like. You will have it again, someday hopefully. Although before you can truly have it, I need you to do what you came here to do. I'm destined for greatness I know I am. I'm destined to accomplish so many things in my life span and am going to accomplish many of my self determined goals. I will reach them. I want to see the proud look on my mothers face when she introduces me or talks about me. I wanna see the look of pride in my fathers eyes when I go the distance they know I can go. I'm going to get there. Its just one day and one prayer at a time.

tale of the fisherman

Ladies and Gentlemen I now present to you the extent of H.a.S.'s free and unlimited mind
please feel free to laugh, cry, question, doubt, argue any thing you want with me after reading the entire entry.
I now present:

The Fisherman's Tale

It's 6:29 am on Sunday, September 29th 2013 and I am pulling my small but roomy boat into the lake. Its time to catch myself some dinner. I have been craving myself some fish for about a good week now. Understand that I am an older gentleman, 53, to be exact. I have been fishing in this same lake since I was sixteen. I see life to be so much like fishing sometimes its not funny. Life is calm and peaceful if you make it that way. You can make it fierce and violent if you so choose. Although for the most part life is but a fishing trip. When the trip is over either you have something to show for the fruits of your labor or, well, you don't. I will say that there is one part of life that is so much like fishing that its not funny. You may or may not agree with me but through all my years I have come to a conclusion about the most important aspect to our existence. Love is what I'm talking about. It's a confusing little number in everyone's life that no one really knows how to navigate. It seems like an impossible river for some to even fathom to cross and to others its not so bad, tough, but nothing too extreme. Now I say love is like one aspect of fishing for many reasons.
{line of my fishing rod snags and begins to reel away}
And this my friend is the reason I compare Love to fishing. At that split second in time was literally what really defines Love to me. When your fishing line begins to reel out. I bet you are asking yourself what in the world is this old man getting at and why will he not get to the point?! Well here it goes. I as the fisherman have only two options when that line snags much like in love. When that line tugs, I can either "A" let the line reel until the fish snaps the line or "B" fight to reel that fish in. When I decide to make a choice I have two more options and two consequences to deal with. Those two options are as follows. If you let the fish go then you don't lose anything but line and a hook. If you decide to fight this feisty Lil' fish, you then have to realize that you can lose this fish by fighting too much and not fighting enough.

But there is one thing I would like you to keep in mind while all this is happening. That fish for whatever reason became attracted to your lure and hook, once hooked you begin to hurt them.

Now, naturally you're hungry so you are going to fight back! So you are fighting this hurt Lil fishy and they are fighting for their lives and after a while that fish either has enough strength to swim away or get reeled in. Now lets assume you reel your Lil fishy in, okay? You have two options. Eat the fish or let the fish go. Now why on earth would you let the fish go right? That's for you to determine. Now let me get down to the nitty-gritty of what all this means. Your fishing line is your attractiveness to lure the opposite sex. The hook is love. Now if you are following this you should have already caught on so don't spoil it for me I like telling my explanation. Now once this fish/person is hooked it hurts like hell. You have them in ways they never saw imaginable regardless of their own independent emotions love HURTS! It's not a painless game. Your fishy then has to decide on whether or not it wants to allow the hook to reel them in what ever direction or fight to get away. Much like many people out there these days, the minute they get close they run for the freaking hills. Now if the fish fights the fish could snap the line which is what attracted them to you in the first place and get away or they could be reeled in. Being reeled in is literally a chances game. I, as a fisherman, may wanna toss them back and find another. The fish literally has no choice once its given in. The poor Lil thing is tired and in a lot of pain. Now lets go back to our earlier comparison. If you as a person become attracted to a person then get hooked with love the reason you hurt is because you are vulnerable. The fish feels the same way. The fish's fight or its life is you fighting not to be so vulnerable. Your fishing line is what attracted them to you in the first place, so if it snaps then obviously the person no longer finds you attractive. But my true question is in the split second when the line tugs and the fish realizes it's hooked when and where does the fisherman's state of mind and the fish's state of mind become tied and the efforts of one is the same goal as the others? Where in that split second do we has lovers decide to fight to love a person and decide to just let them go? Where in that extremely tiny lapse of time do we as the hooked fish to give in? The fish has options too you know. Now with all that said if the fish doesn't snap the line and the fisherman decides to reel in the fish the two are then working in unison for a common goal to reach a certain destination. When the two arrive at their destination is when all the pain and damage done to one another is realized. Sadly someone must get hurt. How so? Well either the fisherman eats or starves, or the fish lives or dies. No where in the equation does the fisherman keep the fish for a pet(except when you are working at an aquarium). Love is like fishing my friend, it hurts, its tough, its a desicion that could change your life for ever, literally! But mostly it has to happen, unless you are a hunter but I don't believe in hunting with a gun...bows and arrows are my fortay. Yes I'm half Native American.
Anyway its now 12:00 pm and its getting hot, time to change the bait. I love that saying there's plenty of fish in the sea problem is you don't hook every fish in the sea ;)

Test of faith

Things are starting to unravel
and life seems like its readying arms
and building its masses as it prepares for battle.
So many others would panic and fold under the pressure
but on my neck there is a symbol of hope
representing grace under pressure.
I feel like I can get through this with ease
Its the first of many test GOD has for me
I know he is behind me and knows I can do for him what he
created me to do.


I see that there are many things that could separate you and i
my love. But this is all a test from Him. I believe he has faith in
us. I see these things as just tests to show us how much closer we can get.
I hope and pray you see them as gateways into each others arms.
I know we already are but I want us to get closer. I want to reach a level
neither of us has ever reached mentally, emotionally, physically, and intimately.
to create a bond between us that couldn't be shattered by any minor worldly
problem. I know its a lot to ask of you at the moment. But these things can wait. We have to take it one day at a time. And I promise to be there. I just want you to understand that I'm all ears baby. I hear to listen and understand. As well as throw in any help, advice, comfort, and support you may ever or never thought you ever need. There is only one thing I wish from you. I wish you would look to me for help like you did when you were stuck in Buckhead. I don't want you to need me. I just want you to understand you can't do it alone. I'm here for you. We can do anything baby. I know you're thinking you've got some obstacles. But they are just obstacles not walls. but even walls can be climbed. From B.O.A. to school to Chewie to your family. I am here. I wanna hear your thoughts and your feelings. I wanna know your dreams and all your goals. I want to know you fully as separate person but i want to know you also as another part of me as well and vise versa.
I love you so very much. but as much as these statement may scare you, I want more from us. I want to continue building. I see us reaching a very successful plateau. I just know I can't do this alone.

Will and Jada

I will admit that I was en el bano(hahaha)
and I decided to pick up an essence magazine in front of me
It had Jada Pinkette-Smith on the cover
So I decided to read in on the Smiths' life and love
I found them to be inspiring
The way they described each other and the way
they loved one another and supported one another
made me want to do the same.
I want a love that "I created"
A love where I push the other person to do
their God Given best. And have them do the same.
I mean look at where they are. They have GREAT careers.
They are in Hollywood but still don't have the media
prying into their lives. The must have WONDERFUL credentials.
I want that. I want to move to California and start a family and have a
great career. It sounds odd coming from a man's mouth. But they are what I want.
I want that from life. I want to be able to look at my partner and see she is happy and comfortable and feels safe and proud of what we have accomplished.
maybe i just want to much from life :(