Sunday, May 16, 2010

father/discouragement/ VENTING

Fuck it man, forgive me again...
I feel like I have this father of mine
like his weakness and I are intertwined
I have some ability and will
I dont wanna be alone forever
I want peace of mine to know I can pay my own bills
I don't want to need anybody ever
but everyday is the same story
going to mom and killing my glory
my strength withers without fail
she says I want too much in my pale
I have no greed but to take care of self
I pray for guidance the ability to never need anybody else
call me prideful, call me ignorant
it matters not to me, as long as I pay my rent
feed myself and cover me
i want what I want don't you see
I never want to be him, who gave up
I never want anyone to call me a fuck up
a deadbeat, weak, or incapable
it hurts my soul to know Im still en-able
to sustain myself and my dreams alone
why is it so hard for you to see, I WANT MY FUCKING OWN!
-Hazey

I've been working hard, really hard, riding a bike to work to fix my car and get myself back on my feet. I put in 75 hours of work in the past 2 weeks. come to find out my paycheck is still gonna be short after taxes to cover the repairs on my car...it kills me...literally...im so discouraged right now its hard for me to finish this 7 page paper due tomorrow at 12noon...

fuck it man I try so damn hard for nothing...to get kicked when I'm down...I spent another weekend alone, not one of my friends called me(by the way all of em knew)...i dont know maybe this is my sign that my goal to get the fuck outta here just got concrete poured on it...

you know im so mad all I can do is laugh...I was so excited for my first paycheck too...putting in mad over time just to help relieve the stress of my car repairs swallowing my entire check...to know it...it was pointless...to know it was useless to know I wont see a dime not one dime of it...then whats worse is to know I still can't cover all the repairs on MY FUCKING OWN!...hahahah...

anyway have a great day and week everybody...
God makes everything possible...

-Hazey

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