A letter to myself

Dear Hazey da Turtle,

You have done a little bit of growing but you have so very much more growing to do. In the experiences of your life you have learned WHAT, a man is made of, what makes a man, and also what can break a man. You have seen the valleys of the death carved out by fallen men before you. You walk a tight rope from one mountain to another hoping that if you make a mistake you live to correct it. You've seen the joys of life knowing that they need not be said. You have also learned you are far from a man.

In your own mind you have seen that you aren't meeting your own standards. Paying attention to what you have said and the words of other fallen men, you see the mirror isn't so warped anymore. Life is hard, DUH! You aren't like other men, and that's alright. You can be different. You don't carry yourself like you used to. You changed, you changed for a good reason. Your mother raised a certain type of person. She can't raise a man, she can only birth a boy. She can help guide you but she can't lead the way. You wish you had a role model who lead the proper path but that wasn't always so clear. You veered off the path set before you, the past few years you have been picking up the pieces to a shattered dream. You have been reckless, childish, and have made some pretty disappointing decisions.

The person you have become is completely different than the man you thought you'd become. The lessons you learned you thought you knew. The heartbreak you went through was unnecessary in so many ways. From the moment you allowed yourself to see things fo what they are,you've been happier. Like a baby you are learning to crawl, to stand, to walk, to run, to jump. The world compares you to a puppy because when you do finally grow up you will be what some many people believed you always could be.

You find yourself asking yourself why aren't you good enough for anybody? What's wrong with you? Why can't you be like everybody else, why can't you just be normal?

Answer is simple, you aren't meant for just anybody, you were meant to be perfect somebody; you aren't normal because you are a gift, special, different, because you USED to dance to beat of your own drum, you aren't everybody else you are YOU. Grandma always said love someone who accepts you for who you are. But first, you have to love yourself...


-Hazey

All things come to an end

I don't care what people say
I know the truth anyway
What goes up must always come down
for every smile a frown
for every up there is a down
in life one must take the good with the bad
you learn to be happy only by first being sad
for every story a beginning, middle and end
for every relationship you must become friends
but even then there comes a time when
that once pretty view changes course around the bend

In life you learn not all people are nice
you don't always get what you deserve
bad things don't always happen to those who aren't right
and good people pay for the damages others serve
You learn that not people become trusted friends
not all lovers hearts every truly mend
that no matter you do some people just won't bend
you learn that some things for some reason never change
but all the good things in life seem to always remain
a memory in that point in time

It was with those words that I write these words:

Nothing Lasts forever, nothing. The best things are always short lived. You can find yourself completely wrapped up into your own life and forget somebody or something and remember too late. Cherish every last moment you have with those you love and care for this Holiday season.

Even the Pyramids of GIZA will one day fall...

(this isn't supposed to be a sad post just a PSA...love those close to you, you may not have them tomorrow)


-Hazey

my speechlessness

Silence, the calm over takes everything...
My heart beat is gone yet still pumping...
my hands run glacier cold...
bone shivering chill over my soul...
I have lost nothing lately...
except my will to speak to anyone...
behind these eyes I lay patiently...
for literally just one...
one simple phrase to be...
three words, syllables each...
I sit in silence to the confines of my mind...
surrendering all ability to have clarity of whats mine...
my eyes may show the raging war within my spine...
the cannons in the medulla as the soldiers stand...
the artillery sounds off in the pituitary gland...
the napalm shells hit the ground surrounding what was...
it hit that portion left of what I used to believe what was us...

-Hazey

Brown Eyes

Brown eyes

In a room of unfamiliar faces you were all but those words
Dressed to kill in heels and a sexy outfit, sex is your verb
Describing you to the feet is an understatement
Clearly you were the person to which I'd been waiting
To be seen on the scene by a set of brown eyes
Flirting from across the room I remember those thighs
Not from an encounter but from an interesting time
Back when you weren't so scarce to the phone line
Hitting me up about things and seeing how they going
You give me my first shot and the nights liquor kept pourin'
To me it's kinda funny how you eyed me down
Every move I made you seemed to follow with your brown
Brown eyes can't hide what's real
I look at you and see some of what you feel
A boriqua all day from the Bronx my way
She walked to me all smiles yet had nothing to say
Her eyes seemed like someone elses
Was this the booze or you? Swear on love I've never felt this
She was with her man I think that's why she didn't stray
Stuck to his hip but her mind was walking with me every step of the way
Can you believe I felt all that in 5 minutes and yet nothing held me back
I bounced and let her know, she told me to come back
And when I did something else was going round like flies
But even amongst the chaos all I saw was a pair of brown eyes...

-Hazey

another great vimeo

The decade according to 9-year-olds from allison louie-garcia on Vimeo.

so yeah, this is just too funny...


GUESS WHAT?

I found out some great news! I can got to the school I want :]
oh but nino, niko, and legs died :[...my plants lived :/
anyway I hope everyone has a great weekend!
I will be posting some new material this weekend as well.

peace and much love to ya
One!

-Hazey

Dreaming

Dreaming

I've washed these sheets a thousands times, yet every night I still smell you. I go out and have a great time, yet I still see you. In banners and windows, cartoons and tattoos. Everywhere I look I see some sign of you. At first it hurt and made it hard to move on. That hurt to turned to a pain of heartache that weighed on my brain. Whilst you live the life you want to live, my mind remains trapped here with what was. Every time I think I've broken free your memory simply reminds me. That I'm not done healing and that I still have much work to do. It's almost as if everyday I fight to piece me back together and escape this image. Yet every night I go to sleep and I quickly remember everything I tried so hard to forget. My dreams are of you, as creepy as that may seem now going on 6 months. Within my mind or at least in my heart you never left. Maybe this is why my dreams aren't sad or angry or confusing. No, not at all, all they are, are movies of me and you.

So tonight girl, it's only you and me....



-Hazey 

So I will

Tonights personal thoughts

I'm human, I bleed, I breathe, I have needs for food, water, shelter, and love. So why do I feel such shame when I allow the truth out of my mouth or even on paper? Why do I feel guilt when I just allow myself to say three simple fucking words? I am a man going through many changes, and I am trying to get somewhere in life. Not anywhere but a certain somewhere. Why does my heart beat seem to thump when I even think about saying such common words. That mean so much more than their intended meaning? Why?

Everyone tells me, HaS stop thinking...Just do...

So I will...

I Miss You,
-Hazey

POST SECRET

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

I don't have much to say to this because, well, the video speaks for itself. I love the video and I love the blog, and the books are cool too! I was introduced to this by someone, who shall remain nameless. I think I've done enough name dropping. Anyway Hope you enjoyed. I know one day soon I will write post secret, a few post cards. I wonder if the people they are for will know it was me?

Peace and Happiness

-Hazey

Hazeys rant

Hazeys rant- Feeling Good- muse


What would I do in that position?!
Try to make them play my shit or try to make em listen?
well here's one for the split ends
Children, please sit down and listen
I am not your species but I am one gods children
I am but a mere shell to those amongst the living
I walk amongst you as dog on villian
No I don't breathe like you but I am not living
I'm a dead gone shadow of what's to come
A ghost from the future,
The perils of time hold no bounds to me
Poetic justice is a mustes, no it ain't a word
But poetry flows out my mouth like I act my verbs
My nouns, sentence structure and punctuation
The rebirth of soul in music has been steadily awaiting
My final arrival in a world of nay-Sayers
The wanna be ballas-hustlas-and claim stakers
Hustlin up a dolla with their sacks and scales
They only deal so they can make records and set bail
Yet you idiots all listen and play they shit loudly
So hip hop is dead it just needs a new man to stand proudly
And represent the real people besides the fake chains
Not all black musicians need to be tied to the drug game
Why am I the only one buying the 5 and 10 sacks of green
I mean the trees killed to make they whack album cover sheets
while the songs had me twisted the block had me downshifted
Being somebody I'm not is not something I can persist at
So to all you rappers out there, grab ya fitted caps
Ya Trey eights, 5ths and Ks, Cuz when The RGz walk through ya board meeting
That's all you'll be needing, you a hustla make some money doing what you do best
You know make a way outta no way and leave music to the people that do it best
I'll I hold the gun and squeeze the trigga on you whack niggas
Ladies and gentle, this is what real rap is, it's not just rims, breasts, and second rate thugs
hip hop ain't dead it's just been waiting for someone to pull the plug
Stop feeding these beasts, they can eat without you buying they tracks, lame
They got money for days, piss alcohol and bleed champagne
The rebirth of music as a whole rests solely on my name
Here is my entry to music, and my claim to the game
I won't wife her, she's been passed around to much to give her my name
So with that said it's time to move this shit forward
Hazeys coming home to make you humans feel stupid not just a lil awkward

-Hazey

survey... ¿0_o?

Instructions: Go to and www.urbandictionary.com type in your answer to each question in the search box, then write the FIRST definition it gives you.
I guarantee you're gonna find some pretty hilarious results.

1. Your Name: Hassan

-An expression used to refer to some one who is immensely cool, and has style unrivalled by any one else.

"yo, did u see that dude, he's so hassan its not true"
"daym homie, true speak that is one cool motherfucker"

*(it was at this point ladies and gentlemen that I decided to continue this complete waste of time...lol)

2. Age: 19

-The Canadian drinking age. 2 years better than 21.

"Heck yes I'll have a drink, because I'm 19" (adding 'eh' to the end of this is, of course, optional)

3. One of Your Friends: Sarai

-this is a type of girl that you want to meet no matter what. shes some what dumb but you'll love her any way. you gotta meet this girl she'll change you.

damn that girl is a sarai

*(sadly i agree with this entire statement...literally lmfao!)

4. What Should You Be Doing?: Writing a Paper

-shit i really don't want to do.

I'd rather snort wasabi then be writing a paper.

5. Favorite Color: Green

-yes... it is most definitely referring to the marijuana... and also, upon occassion, any substance with similar uses. too, properly, of course, it is a golfing term, but that;s really not very much fun, now is it?

'yo, where da green at?'

6. Favorite Number: 6

-6 (uppercase: ^) is a real-live Arabic cardinal numerical integer, the successor to 5 and predecessor to the suspicious 7. It is a real subset of the set of all elements that come between the number infinitely far away from 5.00 and the number infinitely far away from 7.00 in opposite directions, and vice versa. Ordinally, it comes after the fifth number in the sequence of the numbers, and is before the seventh of the same.

In mathematics, the number constitutes a number of the base 10 regiment, or a decimal number, and may be more accurately denoted by the symbols 6.00. 6 is an even number, as opposed to an odd number, and can be created as the product of a 2 and a 3. Due to the phenomenon of reverse truncation, 2+2 approximately equals 6 for very large values of 2.

In finance, 6 is a small amount of currency, and may buy you a small paperback mathematical dictionary in some nations, whilst in others it will barely pay for a financial newspaper. The concept of having less money would be constituted in this situation by having 5.99 of your currency, and the concept of having more money would be constituted by having 6.01.

In literature, 6 is a page on which words are written. As an example, if you were reading the fifth page of the book (page five, that is), then the next page would be called page six (or the sixth page), and vice versa.

In cookery, 6 is a measure of how much of a particular ingredient you include in a dish, and its precise value is determined ...

*(ummm, ok ¿{0_o}? )

7. Month of Your Birthday: February the shortest but greatest of em all

-February is the best month of the year. Its still nice and cold and snowy, but you know that spring is just around the corner if you're tired of all the bad weather. February is also the most unique month. 28 days long,(unless its every four years on a 'leap' year)

Valentines day is also in February. (the fourteenth)It's a fun holiday named after St. Valentine, and it's for cute happy couples. Many single or unhappy peope celebrate the anti Valentines day, ie. Singles awareness day.

People born in February are without a doubt the Cutest, Smartest, and Funniest set of people. If you are born after the 20th, you are also a PICES. This is the best Zodiac sign.

"Kristy is so cute! Shes nice too! How did she get so purfect and talented?"
"She was born in February"
"OF COURSE! THAT MUST BE IT"

"Eight days till march!"
"No. Nine days till march."
"*shakes head* Silly- this year is a leap year!"
"ahhhhhhh"

*(I dont agree with that Pices bullshit...but the rest is cool)

8. Last Person You Talked to: Sabrina

--Someone who is loving, smart, beautiful, and makes the life of a Vincent complete.

Sabrina Maeve Flood-Wylie, will you marry me?

*(who the fuck? and what the fuck ?)

9. One of Your Nicknames: Turtle-Hazey-Oso?
*(I chose all three cuz i'm an asshole :P)

Hazey- no definition :(

Turtle- Substitute for an 'easy' woman (ie - once their on their back they're fucked)

Gah! Callum! Your mums a turtle!

*( LMFAO NICE!)

Oso- a word you say before you diss or give props to something or someone junior: my gsx is gonna pwn so many noobs!!
goofy: dude, you're not even gonna get your oso gay gsx, so stop fiending out!!
10. One word to define you:

When it's too late

>>>[Sooner than later-Drake]<<<

Dear, dear you,

They say hind sight is twenty twenty. I hate that cuz in real life I'm blind without my contacts or glasses. I missed the girl of my heart, the love I had for her, and though I can see it now and am too late to see it I miss the love she gave me and had for me. It's hard to forgive myself when I think about how much I showed her she wasn't worthy. How many times I showed her I didn't see how much she loved me. How much she really cared. It quietly kills me.

This woman would see me despite the constant threat of being disowned by her family, despite her friends disapproval, despite her knowing it would never last. She helped me eventhough I acted like an immature bastard if I didn't get my way.

All the while still greeting me with a smile and a kiss and hug full of love. She couldn't promise me a life with her, she couldn't promise me her heart, she couldn't even promise me another day of her love.

What really kills me is what I would say to her. The bullshit I let fly out of my mouth and the things i would indirectly accuse her of doing. She may never show it but I hurt her the worst way possible in my mind, she turned her back on everything for an ungrateful asshole like me who did nothing but accuse her wanting someone else. I mean seriously people I would accuse her wanting her ex when the truth of the matter was she may miss being in love with him, he was her first love who doesn't?

I feared her love for him so much that I let it drive her further away from me. I let my insecurities from past relationships steer my motives and my love for her. She couldn't love anyone really, not because she didn't want to or because she's a heartless bitch, NO! According to her up bringing her heart wasn't hers to give away. Yet she loved me anyway. Everyman says," He loves a woman and all that" but they don't realize, well I didn't realize the blessing that I had until today. How much I had strayed from the man I am, how much I lost focus of her and loving her that I lost her to my fear.

Nothing like realizing this too late. She doesn't know that everything she's ever said to me, done for me, given me, how much I still appreciate and learn from it still. You know I had a girl tell me that what I felt for my ex couldn't have been that strong. I looked her in the eye and said have you ever been in love? She said no. I looked at her and said then shut the fuck up lol.

I remember a close friend of mine is a mother now. She said do you miss her? I said can you tell? She said we all can see it in your eyes.

She didn't have to be there, she did to have to see me, she didn't have to call me, she didn't have to do anything....she did anyway...she did it because she wanted to...even though she works a full time job and is a full time student who doesn't get much sleep, or free time for that matter...

Seriously people watch what you do and say to people,
Don't end up sorry like I am right now.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"
Lol what good intentions did I have with her? I lost sight of them half way in...

This song at the top, I remember riding to her job and hearing this song all the time. Always thinking I hope she never says these words to me, what's fucked up is I'm saying them...

I remember always thinking I'm in competition with her ex. Always thinking is anything I'm doing brand new or does it all just remind you of him? When you look at me are you happy with what you see or do you wish I were him? I remember literally killing her happiness sometimes, that used to kill me...anyway, as you can see I have some work to do on myself and one day forgiving myself for the decisions I made and my actions....

Take these words for what they're worth...

Siempre y nunca,
-Hazey