Dear Hazey da Turtle,
You have done a little bit of growing but you have so very much more growing to do. In the experiences of your life you have learned WHAT, a man is made of, what makes a man, and also what can break a man. You have seen the valleys of the death carved out by fallen men before you. You walk a tight rope from one mountain to another hoping that if you make a mistake you live to correct it. You've seen the joys of life knowing that they need not be said. You have also learned you are far from a man.
In your own mind you have seen that you aren't meeting your own standards. Paying attention to what you have said and the words of other fallen men, you see the mirror isn't so warped anymore. Life is hard, DUH! You aren't like other men, and that's alright. You can be different. You don't carry yourself like you used to. You changed, you changed for a good reason. Your mother raised a certain type of person. She can't raise a man, she can only birth a boy. She can help guide you but she can't lead the way. You wish you had a role model who lead the proper path but that wasn't always so clear. You veered off the path set before you, the past few years you have been picking up the pieces to a shattered dream. You have been reckless, childish, and have made some pretty disappointing decisions.
The person you have become is completely different than the man you thought you'd become. The lessons you learned you thought you knew. The heartbreak you went through was unnecessary in so many ways. From the moment you allowed yourself to see things fo what they are,you've been happier. Like a baby you are learning to crawl, to stand, to walk, to run, to jump. The world compares you to a puppy because when you do finally grow up you will be what some many people believed you always could be.
You find yourself asking yourself why aren't you good enough for anybody? What's wrong with you? Why can't you be like everybody else, why can't you just be normal?
Answer is simple, you aren't meant for just anybody, you were meant to be perfect somebody; you aren't normal because you are a gift, special, different, because you USED to dance to beat of your own drum, you aren't everybody else you are YOU. Grandma always said love someone who accepts you for who you are. But first, you have to love yourself...