I am placing my ducks in line so that I can go off to school else where. With so much going on at home, I've honestly lost time to focus on anyone, anything, or anybody but my mom and brother. Christmas was awesome, I managed to save $300 to spend on them this year BY MY SELF :) and still be able to travel to north GA and south GA throughout the holidays without spending any of that saved money. I was proud of myself on that achievement. My money is starting to look right and my heart's full again.
Over the past few months I've been focusing on who is most important in my life, my FAM and FRIENDS. I have to say its probably the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Its been a long time since I've last been able to say this and know its here to stay, but...I'm happy with the way my life is. I mean sure yeah I'm single but honestly another person in my life right now is a bad idea. I've dated like 4-5 girls but I'm good without all that. My mother is dating now, well sorta, I think she likes this one guy and he's always talking to her but I'm hoping she doesn't get wrapped up. She's smart I have some faith in her abilities to not let things get too far.
Anyway I'm focused on school once more LIKE I always should be. During my somewhat of a break from life and all responsibilities itself moment I realized that I had been hoping for a chance to better myself and my situation(better job and move out) and I always had that chance sitting in front of me I just chose to ignore it. I realized that if I get myself together and get my mind focused I can do that while my dumb ass is in school! It took me two years after high school to realize that?! Yeah you can laugh at me if you want, I don't mind, I was pissed when I figured that one out anyway.
On another hand, Wonderland, Philipino, Salvy, and the other two which I won't name are out of the picture. THANK GOD! They were all, sorry to bash them but, kinda slow. Well wonderland was smart and the chemistry was there just she and I will never happen, well not any time soon I should say.
This poem underneath is what I've been conduring up to say to my mother when I do finally leave between april and july 2010.
I know it's been a while since Ive lasted posted to the world
so today I thought I'd start by thanking the most important girl
life has taken off for the both of us mama
and lil man is tryna come up and be a man
lookin at me 3-80s like imma oozi or llama, damn
yeah even though his daddy's gone
that didn't stop us having a fucking happy home
on christmas we went oh so crazy
on new years you even had a toast with ya babys
outside its always chilly or even blistering
walk inside and conversations are blooming, i hope your listening
I haven't written in a while, it wasn't supposed to be this way
I'm about to catch a flight and i think the tickets one way
just understand that in my heart both of you will stay
to be a man of creditability is what I'm striving to be some day
a man a of caliber in your eyes is something I want you say
and understand that you did your eldest son the right way
and losing faith in tomorrow is not an option for us
lil man is growing fast and to be a great for him is a must
its in his eyes I can see it he wants so much and to be it
it in which is a man of trust, a man of strength something we never had with us
I wanna leave and come back an example of how to live and how to be, not who it is we are without, but...
like you said mom its our year
I promise you no more sad nights wiping your tears
I got some goals to achieve and enemy's to slay
shooting down my fears and show the world I'm not here to play
I'm here to stand tall and mothafuckin ball
I may leave you soon but it aint forever, just know Imma always call
and when the seasons right we're gonna be a fam again thats my word
but for now its au revoir I gotta story to tell like they've neva heard
to pursue my dreams through whatever art form I can manifest in verbs
just know I gonna make you proud mama take that as my word....