So I asked one simple question to someone because it seems as though, that no one wants anything to do with me lately. Why I have no clue. So I asked a good friend one simple question
AM I BORING?
She responds: No just lazy.
Hazey: Lazy?!
"Well idk not lazy just laid back, very content"
When she said that, a light bulb went off. Why is it that women always see me as TAKEN. Most likely because I'm not lounging at their clit when I see them or in better words.I seem TOO CONTENT. Which lead me to believe that my whole issue in the past with women is just that FUCKING SIMPLE. Which now after thinking shit through. When a woman said to me "we kinda like to be lusted after" completely makes sense...
*slap on the forehead*
who knew being content was the problem
-Hazey
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The confusion of it all
Okay so yet again you've met someone new. At this point in my life I DONTgive a damn who he is. You get a new boyfriend and I literally do the same thing every time...
Size him up, estimate the actual relationship, and keep it moving. Why not to sound conceited or anything but you compare everyone to me. I've never been like this before where I just say what the fuck ever I want to say but, today I'm in that kinda mood. I guess what I'm trying to say is my jealousy doesn't even exist. To be honest with every guy that comes your way I feel more and more disrespected by the fact that not one of em is anything like me yet you do this number...
"He's kinda like you but not really...He has some of your qualities...."
I don't know what any of this means really. Its not like I hear from you very often. Its not we're ever gonna date again either. I guess I have a lot of unfinished business looming out there.
-Hazey
Size him up, estimate the actual relationship, and keep it moving. Why not to sound conceited or anything but you compare everyone to me. I've never been like this before where I just say what the fuck ever I want to say but, today I'm in that kinda mood. I guess what I'm trying to say is my jealousy doesn't even exist. To be honest with every guy that comes your way I feel more and more disrespected by the fact that not one of em is anything like me yet you do this number...
"He's kinda like you but not really...He has some of your qualities...."
I don't know what any of this means really. Its not like I hear from you very often. Its not we're ever gonna date again either. I guess I have a lot of unfinished business looming out there.
-Hazey
Thursday, April 8, 2010
inspiring mother
So I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine today...check it out...Changed the way I see somethings in life a little...Hope your having a good day today...
12:26pm Hassan
idk its just odd...i feel kinda like everybody dont wanna talk to me or is avoiding me...which may not be the case...im just saying...anyway its been mad long since i last heard from you
12:27pm Jayla
it could be the case but you never know til you confront them or wutever. lately ive been feeling like, im finding out who really cares about me & who is real. but yup, its been a min.
12:27pm Hassan
word...
yeah i know right...really find ou how give a fuck and who dont when shit hit the fan
12:30pm Jayla
yup...some people dont accept shyt for what it really is. let me ask you something....
12:34pm Jayla
if a chick you loved and she wuz wifey type but yall wasnt together...and she ended up getting raped by someone she knew and wuz pregnant. wud yu leave her & just be frienz with her or wud yu stil wife her?
12:35pm Hassan
hmm
before I say anything lemme say this
rape hurts more than just one person
on the same note I would ask how did it happen
not why, just how
and depending on how I felt about the girl would determine my answer
thats not any easy yes or no question
12:37pm Jayla
alright
12:38pm Hassan
that did make sense right?
12:38pm Jayla
yes it did.
12:39pm Hassan
aight cool...dont like confusion
12:42pm Hassan
did that happen to you? if you dont mind me askin?
12:42pm Jayla
yess
12:43pm Hassan
im sorry to hear that
12:43pm Jayla
its okay...dont b sorry.
i stopped talking to the guy & i had my babygirl last thursday. she wuz 3months premature tho.
12:44pm Hassan
aww
damn
you keeping her?
12:44pm Jayla
yess
12:44pm Hassan
wow
says alot about you
12:45pm Jayla
i knew the guy that did it....i havnt talked to him in years before this happened.
wat chu mean?
12:46pm Hassan
just shows ur stronger person than most
12:46pm Jayla
yeah...i really am.
12:47pm Hassan
thats a great thing to have
keep ya chin up
12:49pm Jayla
i feel like, god did it for a reason. he doesnt give what he knows you cant handle. i feel like shes a miracle, shes gunna become somebody i wasnt finna give her away..i wanted to be da one to gi her love
giv*
12:51pm Hassan
thats whats up ma! i feel that
deep as hell
12:52pm Hassan
but yo im gettin off for a lil bit
hit me up sometime dont be a stranger
Nuff Said
-Hazey
12:26pm Hassan
idk its just odd...i feel kinda like everybody dont wanna talk to me or is avoiding me...which may not be the case...im just saying...anyway its been mad long since i last heard from you
12:27pm Jayla
it could be the case but you never know til you confront them or wutever. lately ive been feeling like, im finding out who really cares about me & who is real. but yup, its been a min.
12:27pm Hassan
word...
yeah i know right...really find ou how give a fuck and who dont when shit hit the fan
12:30pm Jayla
yup...some people dont accept shyt for what it really is. let me ask you something....
12:34pm Jayla
if a chick you loved and she wuz wifey type but yall wasnt together...and she ended up getting raped by someone she knew and wuz pregnant. wud yu leave her & just be frienz with her or wud yu stil wife her?
12:35pm Hassan
hmm
before I say anything lemme say this
rape hurts more than just one person
on the same note I would ask how did it happen
not why, just how
and depending on how I felt about the girl would determine my answer
thats not any easy yes or no question
12:37pm Jayla
alright
12:38pm Hassan
that did make sense right?
12:38pm Jayla
yes it did.
12:39pm Hassan
aight cool...dont like confusion
12:42pm Hassan
did that happen to you? if you dont mind me askin?
12:42pm Jayla
yess
12:43pm Hassan
im sorry to hear that
12:43pm Jayla
its okay...dont b sorry.
i stopped talking to the guy & i had my babygirl last thursday. she wuz 3months premature tho.
12:44pm Hassan
aww
damn
you keeping her?
12:44pm Jayla
yess
12:44pm Hassan
wow
says alot about you
12:45pm Jayla
i knew the guy that did it....i havnt talked to him in years before this happened.
wat chu mean?
12:46pm Hassan
just shows ur stronger person than most
12:46pm Jayla
yeah...i really am.
12:47pm Hassan
thats a great thing to have
keep ya chin up
12:49pm Jayla
i feel like, god did it for a reason. he doesnt give what he knows you cant handle. i feel like shes a miracle, shes gunna become somebody i wasnt finna give her away..i wanted to be da one to gi her love
giv*
12:51pm Hassan
thats whats up ma! i feel that
deep as hell
12:52pm Hassan
but yo im gettin off for a lil bit
hit me up sometime dont be a stranger
Nuff Said
-Hazey
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Wow...
Life is ironic yo...extremely...
Dear friend,
Read not in between the lines of my words but take them for what they truly are. Black and white. Ink to paper. Your words yesterday were taken with deep consideration. Just because I haven't answered doesn't mean I don't care, doesn't mean you won either. It means my words are so much more concrete within my soul and mind that opening my mouth to you would just be disrespectful. I don't tolerate rudeness so I won't put out that which I cannot take.
Your words showed me, 2 things about me. One I don't trust you, your judgement or your words. Not because you have done something that gives me a reason to this way but that I have not changed. I'm still the same way I was 6 months, 9 months, 1 year ago emotionally. This problem of not giving the benefit of the doubt is an issue that I need to face. It helped destroy something I held close once. Two is that I don't trust myself with another person regardless of what limitations I put in front of myself. I'm a person who has a lot of growing to do. Maybe all of my words from before aren't for you. Maybe they are for me.
Maybe you can't give me what I need. Maybe you should consider me just a friend. Maybe I had the same feelings as you I'm just so wrapped up in my own baggage that I need to sort it all out. I know I'm trying my hardest to get my life back on track. Veering off the road in high school is what led me here. It's not right to drag you along through my problems.
Your words are comforting, your touch is appreciated, your friendship is great. Your help in my times of need was more than what you should have done for me. You are a good friend and at this point in life those are hard to come by.
That's all I've gotta say
-Hazey
Life is ironic yo...extremely...
Dear friend,
Read not in between the lines of my words but take them for what they truly are. Black and white. Ink to paper. Your words yesterday were taken with deep consideration. Just because I haven't answered doesn't mean I don't care, doesn't mean you won either. It means my words are so much more concrete within my soul and mind that opening my mouth to you would just be disrespectful. I don't tolerate rudeness so I won't put out that which I cannot take.
Your words showed me, 2 things about me. One I don't trust you, your judgement or your words. Not because you have done something that gives me a reason to this way but that I have not changed. I'm still the same way I was 6 months, 9 months, 1 year ago emotionally. This problem of not giving the benefit of the doubt is an issue that I need to face. It helped destroy something I held close once. Two is that I don't trust myself with another person regardless of what limitations I put in front of myself. I'm a person who has a lot of growing to do. Maybe all of my words from before aren't for you. Maybe they are for me.
Maybe you can't give me what I need. Maybe you should consider me just a friend. Maybe I had the same feelings as you I'm just so wrapped up in my own baggage that I need to sort it all out. I know I'm trying my hardest to get my life back on track. Veering off the road in high school is what led me here. It's not right to drag you along through my problems.
Your words are comforting, your touch is appreciated, your friendship is great. Your help in my times of need was more than what you should have done for me. You are a good friend and at this point in life those are hard to come by.
That's all I've gotta say
-Hazey
Friday, April 2, 2010
the quest to get back to me
Today in English 107 I was asked to summarize the past 10 years of my life in 3-4 sentences. NO more than that!? It got me to thinking really hard about the past 10 years of my life and what was defining. What must I include in this summary. In my mind there was so much I wanted to incorporate, so much to say in just 4 sentences regardless of how many commas, semi-colons; and conjunctions I placed within its borders, would it ever be enough. So in honesty I couldn't. All I could do was cast a shadow over that decade of existence.
Nothing was more important, nothing was less important. Why? Why would I spare the details of all the juicy layers of detail of my life in that summary? Because everything that happened was important to me. From meeting my best friend Dre, to writing my first verse, to the beefs I had with niggas in school, to the lost dreams of that time period, to the crushes that went no where to the women that loved me and disappeared, to my best friends Sabrina whom I hardly hear from, to the gang bullshit I got involved in, to losing my way and losing my faith, to following the dirt road the long way home, to my first job, my second job, my thrid job, graduating, starting college, my family, living in the first house ive ever lived in, to my music tech class that changed my world, to the blunts passed to me by a girl, from partying all weekend long to the days where no one called at all, My parents decline through the whole decade and how much that shaped me, to my most recent car accident(FYI MOST OF THIS IS NOT IN ORDER)..There is so much for me to talk about that not one of these instances was more important than the other in my life. I gotta say I wish I had taken more time to write all of it down so that I could laugh at it later. I have to say I have the best regrets in life. So far...
I wish I had taken pictures
-Hazey
Nothing was more important, nothing was less important. Why? Why would I spare the details of all the juicy layers of detail of my life in that summary? Because everything that happened was important to me. From meeting my best friend Dre, to writing my first verse, to the beefs I had with niggas in school, to the lost dreams of that time period, to the crushes that went no where to the women that loved me and disappeared, to my best friends Sabrina whom I hardly hear from, to the gang bullshit I got involved in, to losing my way and losing my faith, to following the dirt road the long way home, to my first job, my second job, my thrid job, graduating, starting college, my family, living in the first house ive ever lived in, to my music tech class that changed my world, to the blunts passed to me by a girl, from partying all weekend long to the days where no one called at all, My parents decline through the whole decade and how much that shaped me, to my most recent car accident(FYI MOST OF THIS IS NOT IN ORDER)..There is so much for me to talk about that not one of these instances was more important than the other in my life. I gotta say I wish I had taken more time to write all of it down so that I could laugh at it later. I have to say I have the best regrets in life. So far...
I wish I had taken pictures
-Hazey
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