I helped her...and couldn't help it...
I will admit I feel kinda bad
And if he knew what I knew he'd be kinda mad
You know it goes kinda like this
He think about having her and kids
I think about piping her in the ribs
He come home to a plate of ribs
I just hopped outta her hips
While he workin double shifts
I'm putting the bone to her wish
To be on her back and flipped
Breaking in his new mattresses
As wrong as it is
she seems pleased
Told me otherwise
how she on her knees?
Beggin me for things
a thousand times over
I told her hold on while I flip the mattress over
Makes me kinda sick that he comes home to her kiss
Because 30 minutes ago I told her to catch this...
-Hazey
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Wonderland
"Wonderland"- written November 14th 2009
I want to wonder but I can't allow it
My dreams have been shattered before
And I'm not sure if I can trounce this
My body has questions more than ever before
Like what's your body feel like with mine
Can I have you closely or can I be yours
For a long time not just a year, try nine
Better yet if it feels right why not all the time
Ever since I met you I could never quite grasp you
Not phyiscally but mentally and spiritually
Like I can't explain why I'm drawn to you
Almost like I knew you in a past life
Maybe then I knew what I wonder now
Maybe you were the missing pieces in my life
You weren't a mystery and I wasn't...
See there I go, I told myself I can't! This isn't what I'm supposed to do. I gotta breathe and get my focus back. School and my passion, that's my destined path...but sometimes I wonder if you are somehow intertwined in that...
Damnit!
-Hazey
I want to wonder but I can't allow it
My dreams have been shattered before
And I'm not sure if I can trounce this
My body has questions more than ever before
Like what's your body feel like with mine
Can I have you closely or can I be yours
For a long time not just a year, try nine
Better yet if it feels right why not all the time
Ever since I met you I could never quite grasp you
Not phyiscally but mentally and spiritually
Like I can't explain why I'm drawn to you
Almost like I knew you in a past life
Maybe then I knew what I wonder now
Maybe you were the missing pieces in my life
You weren't a mystery and I wasn't...
See there I go, I told myself I can't! This isn't what I'm supposed to do. I gotta breathe and get my focus back. School and my passion, that's my destined path...but sometimes I wonder if you are somehow intertwined in that...
Damnit!
-Hazey
Thursday, November 12, 2009
A Better Understanding
Better Understanding
"I have other people in my life that I have to pay attention to more than you, don't think that I don't think about you just because I'm not texting you and calling you."
Jeez I get it now. I really do...the past few days this dumb bird been blowin my shit up and tripping, if I don't answer right away or come chill or anything like that you know. I will say this to clear up any misconceptions, when I do think of this person however it's never really a good thought. It's more like complete and utter aggravation, hahaha. So today I really got the message...
Not in the same exact situation but rather close I would say. The bird makes me feel bad for many reasons. I do not like her nor am I dating her but she's clinging sorta, it's weird cuz she's weird. I'm cutting her loose and all but this ending situation made me think of these words, who said them to me, and why they said them to me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry, you know exactly who you are...all I can say is I'm deeply sorry for many things that have come to light about myself in the past few months. I realize the way you precieve my actions and the way that I truly mean them. I gotta say that was always a problem. Misunderstandings...
Like I was saying today I got a dose of my own stupidity and my own faults. It's far too late to ever get the opportunity to ever correct them but I would like to let that person know how deeply sorry I am, for everything. From ungratefulness to plain mistrust I swear it bothers me to think I thought so little of a person I said I loved and cared so much about. Anyway that's a little bit of what's left of my remains called a heart. Til next time..
-Hazey
PS btw I hope that you (and you know who you are) don't think that everytime I hit you up it's for something. It's not like that I just don't want to interrupt your life and all with my nonsense, you gotta remember I'm nothing but trouble lol.
"I have other people in my life that I have to pay attention to more than you, don't think that I don't think about you just because I'm not texting you and calling you."
Jeez I get it now. I really do...the past few days this dumb bird been blowin my shit up and tripping, if I don't answer right away or come chill or anything like that you know. I will say this to clear up any misconceptions, when I do think of this person however it's never really a good thought. It's more like complete and utter aggravation, hahaha. So today I really got the message...
Not in the same exact situation but rather close I would say. The bird makes me feel bad for many reasons. I do not like her nor am I dating her but she's clinging sorta, it's weird cuz she's weird. I'm cutting her loose and all but this ending situation made me think of these words, who said them to me, and why they said them to me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry, you know exactly who you are...all I can say is I'm deeply sorry for many things that have come to light about myself in the past few months. I realize the way you precieve my actions and the way that I truly mean them. I gotta say that was always a problem. Misunderstandings...
Like I was saying today I got a dose of my own stupidity and my own faults. It's far too late to ever get the opportunity to ever correct them but I would like to let that person know how deeply sorry I am, for everything. From ungratefulness to plain mistrust I swear it bothers me to think I thought so little of a person I said I loved and cared so much about. Anyway that's a little bit of what's left of my remains called a heart. Til next time..
-Hazey
PS btw I hope that you (and you know who you are) don't think that everytime I hit you up it's for something. It's not like that I just don't want to interrupt your life and all with my nonsense, you gotta remember I'm nothing but trouble lol.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Mothers Wisdom
"There will never be another Hassan Sr...Don't let his short comings as a man and as a father become a crutch..."
I have to say over the past two months I have become closer to my mother than I have ever felt in my life. To be honest, I secretly like our nightly conversations on life, family, money, dreams, goals, and the most popular nowadays is where we all are now. I can also tell she likes our conversations as well, hahah I remember one night I came home high and she was expecting another one of our talks but instead I went in my room and shut the door. She didn't mean to but she kind of slammed hers as well. Not only did it blow my high in a good way but it made me smile. ODD? YES, but heartwarming nonetheless. Its my mother we're talking about here people don't get all weird on me. I noticed she wanted to talk but my mother isn't one to come and talk to you she just isn't that way. She's stronger than that, unlike my father. My mother is the kind of woman who if you want to talk to her fine call her, text her, talk to her, whatever but it wont hurt her feelings none if she don't hear from you. When that door slammed I realized something different. I came down in approximately 15 seconds flat and went and talked to her for about 2 hours on life in general. That night was like no other night we watch some tv and then she tells me what my father said and what she's thinking. Same old same old right? No today I said something to her that summed up everything have ever said about my father and my issues with him. I said to her,"I'm not mad at him, or even hate him, I have a problem with him because I can neither look up to him as my father and say gosh that's my dad nor can I say this is what my father taught me nor can I speak on his life. Through the 19 years of being around him I never learned what a good friend was. WHY? Quite simple he doesn't have any, he's afraid of the world and honestly that's what he tried to teach me. I refuse to fear the world. Of all the things he's attempt to teach me, or as I call it shove down my throat", none of them are useful to me. The one thing that he taught me that was of any use at all was when he showed how to change the oil in my car. That was the only thing in the 19 years of living and knowing this man that he has taught me and given me to work with. I don't look up to him, or even see him on the same level as me. Honestly most of the time I think I'm supposed to be so much better than him but when I fail I think I'm just like him. It hurts to know your father isn't someone you can look to for guidance in this world. I would like to think that he learned something growing up on the south side of Chicago, but when he talks to me its like he never did anything with his life. So when I did present a problem to him he could never solve it, so I learned on my own. Many people say at least you have one around, in my head or under my breathe I always say potatoes can sit around. I would always say out loud that you aint missing much just another person to yell at you." It was at that moment she paused and took all that in and she said to me, I know you fear that you are just like him...listen to me...are you listening? There will never ever be another Hassan Sr. Never. I know you want to get out there and be on your own and do all these things. You have time, you are young and yes you will make mistakes, yes you will try and sometimes you will not live up to your expectations but don't ever look at that failure and think you are just like him. Don't let his short comings as a man and as a father be a crutch in your life.
I kinda forgot why I was typing this...o well...that's my mum...
I gotta say that woman is crazy, strong, and Gangsta (literally she doesn't notice it but she puts G's on her sandwiches with the damn honey mustard...lol...i told her one day and she just stared at her sandwich in awe...lol)
Gotta Love Mum
-Hazey
I have to say over the past two months I have become closer to my mother than I have ever felt in my life. To be honest, I secretly like our nightly conversations on life, family, money, dreams, goals, and the most popular nowadays is where we all are now. I can also tell she likes our conversations as well, hahah I remember one night I came home high and she was expecting another one of our talks but instead I went in my room and shut the door. She didn't mean to but she kind of slammed hers as well. Not only did it blow my high in a good way but it made me smile. ODD? YES, but heartwarming nonetheless. Its my mother we're talking about here people don't get all weird on me. I noticed she wanted to talk but my mother isn't one to come and talk to you she just isn't that way. She's stronger than that, unlike my father. My mother is the kind of woman who if you want to talk to her fine call her, text her, talk to her, whatever but it wont hurt her feelings none if she don't hear from you. When that door slammed I realized something different. I came down in approximately 15 seconds flat and went and talked to her for about 2 hours on life in general. That night was like no other night we watch some tv and then she tells me what my father said and what she's thinking. Same old same old right? No today I said something to her that summed up everything have ever said about my father and my issues with him. I said to her,"I'm not mad at him, or even hate him, I have a problem with him because I can neither look up to him as my father and say gosh that's my dad nor can I say this is what my father taught me nor can I speak on his life. Through the 19 years of being around him I never learned what a good friend was. WHY? Quite simple he doesn't have any, he's afraid of the world and honestly that's what he tried to teach me. I refuse to fear the world. Of all the things he's attempt to teach me, or as I call it shove down my throat", none of them are useful to me. The one thing that he taught me that was of any use at all was when he showed how to change the oil in my car. That was the only thing in the 19 years of living and knowing this man that he has taught me and given me to work with. I don't look up to him, or even see him on the same level as me. Honestly most of the time I think I'm supposed to be so much better than him but when I fail I think I'm just like him. It hurts to know your father isn't someone you can look to for guidance in this world. I would like to think that he learned something growing up on the south side of Chicago, but when he talks to me its like he never did anything with his life. So when I did present a problem to him he could never solve it, so I learned on my own. Many people say at least you have one around, in my head or under my breathe I always say potatoes can sit around. I would always say out loud that you aint missing much just another person to yell at you." It was at that moment she paused and took all that in and she said to me, I know you fear that you are just like him...listen to me...are you listening? There will never ever be another Hassan Sr. Never. I know you want to get out there and be on your own and do all these things. You have time, you are young and yes you will make mistakes, yes you will try and sometimes you will not live up to your expectations but don't ever look at that failure and think you are just like him. Don't let his short comings as a man and as a father be a crutch in your life.
I kinda forgot why I was typing this...o well...that's my mum...
I gotta say that woman is crazy, strong, and Gangsta (literally she doesn't notice it but she puts G's on her sandwiches with the damn honey mustard...lol...i told her one day and she just stared at her sandwich in awe...lol)
Gotta Love Mum
-Hazey
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Bad moods
I gotta say bad moods suck. I find my bad moods tend to just bounce from one person to another yet never ever do they get taken out on my brother or mother. Its crazy, but anyway I need a break from financial burdens but I realize that may never happen. Life's a bitch and honestly I don't plan to wife her. I've been completely out of words, patience, energy, money(lol), time(to a point where niggas call me in my sleep and wake me up), but mostly I'm out of, well I wanna say direction but that's just not true, then again I wanna say wisdom but that's not something you can literally run out of, then on another tip I wanna say will. Yeah that's it. I am out of the WILL to deal with people in general. I think I'm cranky cuz of a lack of food, my damn uncle keeps eating all the food! Anyway another day begins in 29 minutes(its 11:31pm). I wanna sleep in but nope I must awake and drive my uncle to Kensington station then I off I go to work. When did my life head in this direction?
anyway good night world
if you don't know, to whom it may concern, this song is a clue to you that you crossed my mind...
>>>[A Little Bit- Lykke Li ft. Drake]<<<
-Hazey
anyway good night world
if you don't know, to whom it may concern, this song is a clue to you that you crossed my mind...
>>>[A Little Bit- Lykke Li ft. Drake]<<<
-Hazey
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
copyright
