???

its been a while since i last wrote something so here you go

as the ranch boys say "something light for the crowd"

I wish I could put this feeling into words

make it an action yes a verb

not just something that is heard

this feeling has meaning

this action has depth

i think my hearts still bleeding

when will be the first day we've met

a bittersweet union

something so unkept

yet something so needed

you know so many people

and connect so many hearts

you drive them to do whats illegal

but are a flame that began with a spark

or smile with a laugh

a familiarity with the past

i think its one word just four letters?

the question when will love last?

-Haze

what does that feel like?

Do you know how good it feels to be around someone who knows you so well? The comfort of not having to explain anything?

truth is...

I don't...

no one does...

no one took the time...or I never gave anyone the chance...

what does that feel like?
I've always wondered...will I ever know?
who knows...

-Haze

when life gets in the way

So as many of you know im at the Ranch. Everyday is like no other day here, well atleast for me it isn't. There are people getting fired and people getting hired. There are boys coming and boys going. The one thing that remains the same here to me is that the problems alwasy remain the same and seem to never have a solution in sight.

I'm not in school (-__-) but its okay it appears God has a different plan in mind for me than what I had. You know they say man plans and God laughs. I have a job now with sketchers. I am looking for a second to make a way for me to move out of the ranch. I want to save my money to put towards repairing my car. We shall see what happens right?

I am 21 and single, awesome! (this is said with sarcasm by the way)

I realized that I have such high expectations for myself that it literally takes somebody else to tell me I am doing just fine for me to realize wtf I have. I have been here for 4 weeks and some of the boys want me to work here and so do some of the staff. Well for some reason I feel like her opinion is bit biased, lol.

til next time

peace, love & faith
-Hazey

Starting Life a New (York Way of Life)

Haze is in the City...FINALLY!

Ive been in New York for a little over a week and damn near gave up. From the minute I landed in this bitch there's been some bullshit. Literally! We arrived 20 minutes early. I swear the flight and trip out of Atlanta was so smooth it scared me. Anyway we landed 20 minutes early to sit on the runway for an hour and thirty minutes just to get off the plane. I was so pissed! Then to make matters worse they lost our luggage...THE ENTIRE PLANES LUGGAGE! At this point all I can say is fuck La-Guardia! After waiting for another hour to get my luggage we leave and Sabrina's significant other was tripping already. I literally just got off the plane for this nigga to be tripping about me staying the night with her.SMFH!

So I am volunteering at a Ranch for troubled boys in Riverhead, New York..Yeah I said RANCH and New York in the same thought and sentence. Its straight though the kids are bad and somebody is gonna catch the ass-kicking of their life when I find out who stole my i-pod but other than that its been cool.

I miss home like crazy...
I must say that through everything I have been through I know my mom will be there for me and that she misses me...

Gabriela is out of my mind already she has pretty much showed me that she wont make any effort to see me at all when I literally live down the street from her. Sabrina needs to get herself in order and stop being boo'd up all the damn time. Time spent focused on the person in the mirror is time well spent.

I recently spazzed on my popz for calling me on some bullshit and leaving an angry voice-mail. So i told him about himself and haven't spoken to him since. I feel like I am obligated to have a relationship with him when in all honesty I don't have any desire to have a relationship with him at all.

I am at the school at the moment and all I can think about is will Financial Aid work out and allow me to move on the campus and start classes. That's all I want. I don't really want a relationship like soooooooo many people out there want. I just want to have my own. My own place, a new car so I can fix my baby(95 mustang), A GOOD JOB THAT I ENJOY, enough income to where I can send money home to my mom to help her out with whatever she may need. Life is unfolding differently than I thought it would.

I miss everyone at home more and more everyday and can not wait to see them again...

Yesterday I felt as though I would have to come home because I may not be able to work things out with the school. I also believed that even if I found a job I would not be able to get to it nor would I have a place to live. I felt like a complete failure...Like I didnt do enough to succeed...Like I let everyone I know and love down...

I wont know if my efforts to start life a New (York) will bare fruits until 5:30 this afternoon...


Peace, Love, and Faith
-Haze

I Could Be...But I'm Not...

I could be fearful. I could be doubtful. I could be timid. I could be any other feeling other than completely certain. For some reason you give me certainty and hope. Normally I would feel fearful of who you could be. I could doubtful of what we can be. I could feel so many other negative feelings but instead you are all positive attraction...I just...I just know who you are...I am secure in who you are and what we will be...wether it's friends or more...whatever happens between us I'm just happy it happens...


I could be alotta things...


but I'm not..
-Hazey