I have a feeling this week will be rocky. I also feel it will be rewarding.
While in church today I came to grips with the fact with my feelings for my father. I am not mad anymore. I've let those things go, because I know its not my place to judge him. I am not his maker so it is not my job nor my duty to do such a thing. What I realized is that I am disappointed in him for things he had control over.
I know part of the reason I am where I am is through my own faults, as a man I have to take and correct my own faults. I ain't self righteous or anything. The sermon today mentioned to me that God can interfere with your life in a way that will put you where you belong. That HE/SHE will put you through hell to show you its time to change. The life you were living is not how you should be living.
So with that in my mind, I said to myself, HE/SHE took my car, my job, my peace of mind in reliance on my car to show me something. There's something he wants me to stop doing, someone to stop speaking to, someone or something I was doing wasn't what HE/SHE wanted me to be doing. I have a few people, a few habits, and a few patterns of thinking that I believe he wants me to change. Me losing my car, may have been the best medicine for me.
The Sermon also talked about direction and walks of life. The Rev. said its funny how we all have these goals, and plans, and meticulously detailed steps in life that we want and see ourselves doing with our lives. When what we may want to do with our lives may not be what HE/SHE wants us to do with our lives.
I'm so frustrated with everyone, everything, and the snails taking over my fish tank hahahah. So I have a Saints Symbol hanging from my neck, the Fleur d' Lis. I was told it represents Grace under Pressure. God knows I don't have an ounce in my body hahah. I am looking to find a new car this week, hopefully a mustang :-], I've wanted one since I was like 5 hhahaha which wasn't too long ago compared to some. Also I am looking into a new occupation of bar tending. Yeah, don't judge me hahaha.
So here are my goals for this week
- Purchase car, two door, between 95-2006 for about 2k(yeah craigslist is hilarious)
- Begin the job hunt again
- Rap up ALL final projects
- and somehow or another show some GRACE if things don't go my way...(i think one of my exes would agree with this damn line...hahah oh well old habits die hard even for them)