Friday, February 12, 2010

The Way I see things uneditted

Damn yo the thought

The thought of me not waking up tomorrow doesn't scare me much. To be honest it shows me two things. The final thought of leaving is beautiful. What has me is the second, the thought hoping someone will miss me and that it changes Gods mind.

Today was the beginning of my birthday weekend. I turned 20 officially on Monday. I've done nothing but repeat the same mistakes I made last year and the year before this past week. I've been through a little in my short time being here. It hasn't been easy but nothing too hard. This past week before my birthday a childhood friend of mine past away, didn't know how to handle that. He over dosed on heroine.

Today Friday the 12th of February I got into a head on collision car accident. I hit a woman and her infant daughter. They were fine and so am I, I hope, I didn't want the medics to check me. I felt so damn bad about everything I've ever done that honestly if I past I deserved it. Those words are hard to say becuase my mom just got the news two hours earlier that she  won't be losing her house to foreclosure.

I totalled the car, all I can remember is that just before I hit her, I saw an old friend of mine. He worked with me once, he got into a head on collision too. He just wasn't so lucky. Everytime I think of my accident, I stop and say what the hell? He, my friend, shattered his pelvis, was in a coma for 3 months almost, had his intestines removed because they were so inflammed, he broke his entire right leg, meaning he's going to need a cane for the rest of his life and was diabetic. Seeing him walking towards me today was, miracluous. I saw him 10 minutes before my mom found out about her house. 

Now all I have is an injured wrist...

So when I came to after the crash I was so shocked that I didn't say much. I just sat there shivering... As people franticly checked on them. I guess they were the victims in this. Nevermind my car and I were fucked. Her and her husband both drove BMWs, her suv is still drivable. My life seems like it's just going to get tougher. I mean even when the cops and medics came I was the last person spoken to, or even checked, they had time to speak to everyone else. Eventhough my car was destroyed.  

I hope this doesn't seem like a complaint or ungratefulness, it's not. Just the way I see shit...


>>>{ Beautiful- Eminem}<<<


jess said...

I have been wondering where you are... Everyone goes through shitty times where it seems like unending tragedies and misfortune, but I'm older and therefore wiser about certain things (I hope) and I am telling you what I know to be absolutely true. Things will get better. Try to keep your head up and keep moving forward making the best choices you can, and remember to be thankful for the good things. Is it lame to say Happy Belated Birthday? ((hugs))

ms.rubies said...

i'm really glad that all you got was an injured wrist, and more questions to heighten your awareness. hopefully this year will be different from your past ones


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