The book of Proverbs

Dear God

I needed this trip more than anything. Thank you so much for making this all possible.

-Hazey

PS Ive been reading, lately you've been using those closet to me to reach out to me. I still don't know what your message is but I'm determined to figure it out.

New Thoughts

Now that I am fully aware, I have new questions about going forward. I mean I knew I had issues before: deep trusting issues, constant reassurance, and some other odd ends. But now that I am fully aware of this*clears throat* disorder, what changes? How do I tell women this? I mean would any relationship ever work if I have this disorder? Can I continue to be successful if I can manage to get this under control? I'm confused about what happens now...

Now that I look back at things, the fights with loved ones, I can see that things weren't as they appeared in my eyes. All I can say now is, where to next? Can I have a relationship and it work? Is it possible? Or is it just going to be the same uphill battle? These thoughts are discouraging but not deal breakers...

Sent from my iPod
-Hazey

Bipolar, Insomnia, Depression

Mild Bipolar Disorder and Depression along with Insomnia

I have a paper due in less than 24 hours and I havent started on it yet...

to everyone whom thought I was moody, I'm not moody I'm bipolar... :/
I'm not sure how to take that kind of news, I mean its one thing to think you are different, its another thing to have proof that you are different...

Getting a prescription for medications isn't a relief in my book...its scrary...
I mean so many things run through my mind that probably do nothing but back up the facts already stated...
I just hope I don't change too much...

-Hazey

I fuckin knew youd do this bullshit

i knew youd fucking do this shit...and right before i get there...
you always do this shit...i wanted to say "to me"...you aint do this shit to me...
you did it to yourself...give yourself a barrier...idk...its time i got over you too...
My trip to New York is about to be the fuckin same as it always has been...
a gotdamn waste...idk wht to do...
all i want is my best friend...yet everytime i see you, it aint you!
its you and...I dont need the AND! I didnt fly 750 miles to meet some nigga...
i dont wanna be with you while you are busy not paying attention cuz your too busy on your phone with them...
this isnt a jealousy thing...its just I'm tired of coming between you and the people you are interested in...
I dont wanna be a third wheel...
you say I aint in the way but you literally just dont get it...
i just want my best friend...but its beginning to look like I need to let this friendship go...
because one day somebody will make that step...
and I'll have to disappear...
no matter how much it hurts me to do so...
I have to let you go...

i guess its true, men and women cant be friends...

i'm not sure what to say at this point...

-Hazey

Nice guy

Why I'm a nice guy

I am told that I am mean, selfish, stubborn, self centered, an asshole and even intimidating. There's a reason I'm that way, believe it or not. It's because I'm actually a nice guy. Contrary to what people believe most men are. I'm the latter becuase women take advantage of that niceness. They use it abuse it and laugh at the pain they cause. It's quite sick if you think about it, because when a man does the same we are called dawgs. Women, I am far from a bashed of your species. I love women for many many reasons some apparent and others not so much. But it seems to me that if I'm not a complete asshole to you, you don't care about me. It's like I have no choice but to be an asshole otherwise I'm looked at as needy, pathetic, clingy, too nice, too available, too weak, or just a plain pushover. Now when I'm an asshole none of that is reflected...I'd rather be an asshole and not get my heart smashed to pieces than too nice.

-Hazey