Monday, April 18, 2011

when the dust settles

As I write this I admit one thing I am afraid for the worst...
Tomorrow begins my last day on lithium carbonate and my first back to non-daily medication...
I am afraid of turning to the bottle...
alcohol that is...
I don't need a drink everyday...shit I go days at a time with out a drink but when I'm stressing like I am I do what I always do...
talk to God all day long, pray before bed...
and either medicate myself to sleep, smoke marijuana to fall asleep or lay awake in bed all night...
I will say that on a brighter note I officially mailed off my acceptance letter to SUNY Old Westbury in Old Westbury, NY...which means I am declining St Johns wonderful offer...I really wanted to go there but it appears that God has other plans for me...only time will tell how things unfold...

I will be leaving this summer what day I have no idea yet...
I am of course excited to move but fearful of the realizations to come...
I financial troubles here I maybe young but I my problems now...
I know running from your problems won't make them go away they will just follow you...

I really just want to get better...I know there is no such thing as better in my case but you know what I mean...
"One day at a time..."

ps...i REALLY, and I mean really like Gaby...random I know but hey im human...
-Haze

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