Tuesday, June 14, 2011

3 piece

There are 3 pieces of me spread out amongst some people
the first is in NY and honestly I am not sure if that piece needs to be returned but it was,
the second is here in GA
and so is the third.

the First is my Love
the Second is my Pride 
the Third is my Trust

i'm sure most of this makes no sense to anyone but myself so I'll explain

She was the first woman I ever loved outside of family and in many ways still has a major influence I should say in my destiny going forward because of what we went through together and apart. My best friend. As I mentioned a long time ago back in December or January, I don't quite remember which, She apologized for the pain she caused me. I look back it now and realize that she was giving me the words I needed to hear just in the best way that she could have ever put it.

I got the 2nd piece of me back last week.
Its almost incredibly heartbreaking that I lost it in the first place...
So this is to you, number 2

You took a lot from me. You made me question everything about myself from my heritage to my own thoughts and feelings. You stole my confidence from me. You took everything that I thought I knew about myself and destroyed it. But most importantly you killed my pride. I know that Pride is a sin, but as men we all have one. Its just something I believe everyone has as well. You killed my pride what made me tick. My confidence soon followed and honestly for about 4 years I hated you for it. I look back at things now and really want to thank you for what you did. I am so much better now because of what you did...correction "what I allowed you to do to me" I understand now that I hold equal responsibility in the harm you caused because I should have fought harder to preserve those parts of myself in the first place. So from you i gained so much more than what I lost. All I wanna say now is thank you for helping me become a better person. I forgive you...don't be sorry for what you did, because you didn't know what you did in the first place...

The third piece my trust well she took it, honestly I'm still not sure just how much trust I had in her because of my own fears, self doubts,  the lack of confidence and misguided mistrust from my previous relationship and on top of all of that my mental instability. One day I hope to have a moment in which we can talk like adults and atleast you have the understanding that I genuinely miss your friendship more than anything in the world...i don't care about your boyfriend I just hope you don't hate me...

this sums up my love life lol...
till next time...

oh PS Is it a bad thing that I waited this long to finally say IM NEVER DATING MY EXES AGAIN?
cuz when I said this to number 2 she got all emotional on me and blah blah blah...lol...just a thought

if I tell my friends an ex is an ex for a reason I should atlas follow my own proverbs right??


-Hazey

2 comments:

Alison said...

Dang.

You know, you're always reflecting and learning new things about yourself. that's so good.

an ex is an ex for a reason....sooo true.

HaS the Turtle said...

leave it to you alison to show me the positive side to my reflection :) and yup even if there an ex thru no fault of your own

20sb

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