Saturday, May 21, 2011

what isn't in my control

you made it hard for me to even look another woman in the eye and take anything she says seriously
you made it hard for me to want another woman in my life beyond a sexual relationship
you made it hard for me to ever believe I would ever be good enough for anybody
you made it hard for me to believe I could make anyone happy
you made it hard for me to believe that I could ever be happy
you made it hard for me to believe I deserved to be happy
you made it hard for me to look anything from a woman in general
you made it harder for the next woman to come into my life
you made it hard for me to forget you
you made it hard for to let this go
you made it so very difficult to move on and let go of hope
you made it impossible to sleep at night
you made it difficult to just get through the day
you made it impossible to say that you didn't shape me into the man I am today
but what you didn't break and didn't change is my ability to see

and I see clearer now than I've ever seen before.

I wish I had known what I about myself now then that way things could possibly worked themselves out in a different way...who knows maybe we'd still be friends now...but you can not turn back time and honestly i wouldn't want to...had you and I continued doing what we were doing we'd both had ended up miserable...we wouldn't know the friends we have now that we know and love...yes life would probably have taken a horrible turn for disaster had we continued that relationship any further...it was...it was...it was a good run...a run that I will never forget even if you did I wont...maybe one day you'll read this one and realize this is to you...you broke my heart, you turned your back on me as though I had wronged you, you may even have done somethings that would make it impossible for us to ever be friends again(in your eyes because i don't care what you've done we're both adults here why be mad about anthers choices to be happy?) but i wouldn't hold any of that against you...i hope the next woman that I love is all you were to me and more...maybe these words are a little ego-boosting for you or putting you on a pedestal to some people but in honesty I'm not...you did a lot for me, ALOT, so far the best I ever had...all I'm saying is I want my next to be on another level...

im dragging on about nada again

lifes good, my job sucks, I move in 68 days, but most importantly my hearts in one piece and my mind is focused on whats in important in life...

God Bless
-Hazey

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