Sunday, January 25, 2009

Am I Worthy?

Never in my life have I ever had this issue or question ever cross my mind, I have no idea how to handle it. Its like seriously all wrapped up into one single question. Am I worthy of such a woman? Am I worthy enough to even know this woman? Do I have enough self worth as to be able to call myself her boyfriend? If you ask her family, I wouldn't know what to tell you. I'm hoping. I am. But it seems so hard to ignore now. Its hard for me to say this but maybe I'm not worthy of her hand. Maybe I'm just not the right person to make her happy for the rest of her life even for the next few years. I love her so much. I want doors to open up for us. I'm willing to wait and see what happens in March but somehow I have a feeling it won't be a great thing for me. I have this odd feeling it will be great for her in the long run. But it will leave me speechless and heartbroken. I don't know what to say about this but. I want to be with her. I WANT JESSICA Antonia Aybar Hernandez, and no one else. But God always has another plan for me and it always involves me being....single....solo...alone...and in turn...VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY MUY............
unhappy....


the even more fucked part about it is...when i'm single and miserable all i want is what I have now...i FINALLY HAVE someone that i truly feel is into me as much i as them...I feel like she loves me just as much if not more than I do her...and for some reason it never fails...theres always somethings topping me from being happy...you know i could say fuck it and go an attempt to be happy by myself but I don't want to, I want to be with her...I feel like Ive gotten into something that EVEN IF I EVER DID want to WALK AWAY FROM...my heart wouldn't let me...I'd keep running right back to her....I know in life nothing is perfect and nothing goes exactly as planned...but the fucked thing about it is...HER AND I NEVER PLANNED THIS SHIT TO BEGIN WITH!!!!! I'm sorry I fell in love with the most BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL WOMAN THAT HAS EVER GRACED ME WITH HER PRESENCE IN MY LIFE!....I apologize Lord I do...but even if I cant marry her...even if I cant make her a misses...Even if I cant make her the mother of my children...or travel the world with her...even if I cant fulfill her dreams....I know for a fact I will always wish I could have...I will always wish I could have married her...I will always wish I woke up next to her...I will always look back at my relationship with her and compare it to ever single one i had and have there after....whats the point of me ever moving on if all i'll ever do is look back and wish I was still with her?

Dear Lord,
Am I worthy?
Amen,
Hassan Omar Jr

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