Saturday, January 28, 2012

I think I fell



now if you  know me, you know I need control. My job is about control, but I can not control what my heart feels. Now I am not saying I am a control freak and need to control everything!? Cuz quite frankly I don't want nor need to control everything, tho it would be nice some times. But I do however feel as though I should have some control over myself, meaning most importantly my heart, my mind, and my body. However, I think I fucked around and fell in love...I feel so fucking stupid, so fucking blind, and so naive to have let myself fall again. She hasn't done anything to make me fall in love. She hasn't even been intimate with me, she's never kissed me, she's never mentioned having any romantic feelings for me at all. SO WHY THE FUCK AM I IN LOVE? She's been gone for a little while and has been on my mind the entire time. All I want to do is call her, text her, ask her how she is doing. She calls me and I smile, I try to hide it but I usually fail. I just had a flash back of looking her in the eyes.

I am so pissed off I fell in love (-__-) this isn't good. She loves me the best way that she can, but she isn't in love with me. She has told me she finds me attractive but doesn't have any romantic feelings for me like that. WHY AM I IN LOVE?
Patrice O'Neal put it best this is a man in love --->  /-:

aside from the immense amount of anguish I feel for this woman I also miss her dearly. She is content with where she is, she is happy with her life right now, she feels she has everything she could ever want right now, and honestly I do not even remotely feel the same way. So what am I to do...

I don't want to be in love...

but damn it I am...and shes amazing...


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