I feel its time

I feel its time that I posted something to explain my behavior recently

I am worried and stressing every single day of my life except after  I've had a drink or puff.

money is tight, everything is in limbo, i got questions and problems with no answers to be found so as of now...right now i put it all in God's Hands...

im supposed to be leaving behind so many of my friends down here in Atlanta and moving to New York July 29th<--- to be honest this is the first time I've actually placed a date on my departure...

God Bless

-Hazey

Letters from NY

The following letters were my thoughts while in New York

Dec 15th

Ny

I've been in New York for literally three days and I love it. So much so, not to quote Geoffery, but literally think about my life and it's direction and what I truly want. I mean life is good and things aren't in a bad position but they aren't in a great place either.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I am doing exactly what I feared. That is moving places for all the wrong reasons. I gotta change things now. Since I been here handling mine has top priority. The south is slow, the north is fast. Things are much more different than I ever thought they'd be.

I haven't been on my medication :/ yes I'll admit that. The one thing I can say is I notice the difference. My moods do change as the day goes by. It's hard however to distingush what is a normal mood change and what isn't. What I do know is that my meds make me anxious, it speeds up my heart rate, and most importantly it makes me wonder deeply if there is a noticeable difference outwardly.

I knew this trip would be life changing. I found out that I do prefer the traditional classroom setting. I know those words contradict what I used to say but I think my mind has learned what I prefer. I've been at Suffolk for literally two days and I prefer this 100000 times more than my own school. I guess I'm not that different after all. I guess it isn't me but the people. The two friends I got right without the slighest doubt are Sabrina and Andre.

Sent from my iPod

Hassan Omar Jr

Dec 15th

Lost in you

I'll give you this much credit. You heal well, you didn't make any promises and you didn't break any. Guilt is what I still feel to this day, you may not wanna say it but you were driven away by me. You cared in some kinda way, those feelings are gone now and they aren't coming back. I still read your blog from the outside.  You are focused on what you want from your life, great.  And I say this with the utmost sincerity.

Losing your friendship hurt more than losing your heart becuase even if I was just a friend atleast I'd hear from you. I know I never trusted you, I know I over stayed my welcome in your heart, I broke it

Sent from my iPod

Hassan Omar Jr

Dec 16th

I feel nothing today

Today is strange, so strange, so much so that it bothers me. I don't know why, I just literally don't feel any type of way about anything.

On a lighter note, I fear I'm getting sick again. New York has literally changed my mind about a lot of things. I'm not sure how I feel about someone loving me for who I am. It's deeper than what appears and shallower than thoughts appear. Still waters run deep. I guess I can be happy that someone somewhere loves me for who I am and that I should be enough. Especially since I don't want anybody close to me yet.

I have a new crush, her name is Gabriela. She lives up here. I wanna move up here but not for her or sabrina for that matter. I wanna move here for the schools. I've sat in a few classes and think they are extremely challenging and I really like that.

I feel bad cuz I've made all these plans with Dre and Boogz and Mausberg, just to flip the fucking script. I guess it has me feeling some kinda way. That's all for now...

-Hazey

Sent from my iPod

Hassan Omar Jr

Dec 18th

Guilt, New York, and feeling some type a way

Ladies and Gentlemen I know where I wanna be. I finally can say that with no fears no doubts and without care.

I wanna be here in New York, New York. Why I have no clue, na it's who I met, the people I know. The lifestyle the drive the ability to be me and start over. The schools, the women, the challenge, everything.

The guilt! The guilt comes with figuring out where I wanna be. I've saying for almost 2 years that I was moving to florida. Now that I don't wanna go I'm all kinds of fucked up over the situation. I feel like I'd be fucking my boy dre over with moving to New York. Dre is my brother and I'm sure he knows I'll be there for him no matter what. Just this whole situation has me feeling all kinds of fucked up, now that I know where I wanna be I'm completely messed up and torn on the inside.

The fact that Im sitting at the Gate at LaGuardia is what has me feeling this way, but ten times worse. I mean your brother since we was kids. Coming up together never losing site of what we wanted. Then being placed in a situation like this. I don't know what to say or where to begin with the situation. Emotions are difficult. Often times so much so that they leave a person at a loss for words to describe them. He's my brother, more than words can express I feel like I'm turning my back on him and Boogz. Like I'm just giving up on the situation. There is no woman here waiting for me, there is no dream lifestyle waiting for me, literally there isn't anything waiting for me here, except life.

....damn

....

-Hazey

Sent from my iPod

Hassan Omar Jr

Dec 20th

The new year is coming

Gods been talking to me lately and I've been trying to just listen, block out the rest of the world and focus on what's important to him and do what's right.

I gotta say that task alone isn't easy. While listening and heeding his words I learned something bout myself. I learned where I want to be. I must say there's nothing quite like knowing where you want to be, not where you think you are obligated to be. That was the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders it nearly made me cry having to leave that place.

Never in a million years did I ever think I would WANT to be in New York. I felt like I belonged somewhere while I was there. I felt like this is what I want. That feeling may not be there when I get there but I really don't care. I want to be there, my best friend is there, my uncle whom is alot like me is there, new friends are there. Challenging schools are there. The life I want is there.

I really hope the medicine helped in guiding my mind to the decision of this. I met a girl whom has had my mind since. I don't want to move there becuase of her, but she just sweetens the pot ;).

I'm just gonna briefly talk about her.

She's got issues just like me, she's beautiful, she models, she is black( to my moms benefit), she's funny, she's got a beautiful smile, she makes faces just like me lol. I don't know her too well but we've been talking...she's got this belly ring :O...yeah lemme stop now. I heard from my bet friend that she has a crush on me so it just made the attraction that much sweeter.

Back to the coming of this revealing thought. I knew New York would be life changing but not so much so that I'd miss it. Not so much that it would make me sad to leave and feel out of place in my own bed. *sigh

Alas, I am home. I have some things that must be taken care of here before I can take on my new frontier. All I can say is that I'm excited about this. I really am.

-Hazey

Sent from my iPod

Hassan Omar Jr

Hope my thoughts make sense

til another post

-Hazey

Pen Pal, Life thus far

I know you are all like WTF??? Lol is this a letter? And why is it typed? lol

YES!..

…So I'm gonna be ur pen pal

Imma start writing you to keep you in the loop so when we talk it ain't so full of gaps. I think it may even help our friendship in the long run... I miss you...

I've been so many places and done so much shit idk where to begin. So last place I remember telling you : christena got married to Kim, Micheal is...still not married to that thing with two kids, shorty dropped off the globe after you left, and quitta text me yesterday lol.

Christena married and a he-she. Yep I said it she married a woman that looks like a man, literally...she even moved to Iowa to live with her and be gay lol. That sounds so mean out loud lmfao! Yeah that shit is still funny to me.

Mike works everyday and comes home to that. I wish there was something I could do for em you know? But he's in a tight spot, I trust God though so he'll get out somehow.

I saw shorty once after you left and heard about her at a party. Shit was strange yo. Small world we live in. Ain't heard shit bout her since.

Oh yeah renaldo removed the wet and wavey shit from his head thank God! No more human torch mess. Cuz that nigga was a Hot mess... Now he's just a mess lol he's go his own place though...I'll give him that thou.

Quitta is my nigglet lol. She had me rolling the other day through text messages. Calling me a hot mess for being in the streets lol. She called me a black baboonie lmfao

Alex is getting into college. Daniels big as hell now. Giving me dap and shit. Anthonys still Anthony lol. I'm throwin a lil party at my house this weekend him and Alex are coming.

I wish you were!!! ('_')

Moms dating and everything which is cool. I told her the minute i hear him say the wrong thing, its me and him no longer you and him...lol...I will say I worry about her...

My dads dating a Hispanic woman!!!!!To be honest I have no idea what to say about this. I will say that I am not surprised that he's dating a Hispanic woman, I am surprised that he is in fact dating. He's becoming himself again. I wish him the best of luck. I love my dad, wow I just said that. It's time that time changed anyway. I gotta say I'm kinda happy for him...

I don't know how to say this but I'm going to Florida. I am going to move up there after I finish college though. I'm gonna try and get some music off the ground out there. I know you think I'm prolly never going to come up there but I AM. I just got somethings to do before I do. New York is where I'd like to live and just live you know? I don't make promises often, and I try to keep it that way, but I promise you Imma come get you one day. Imma find a way to surprise yo ass! Lol

Sabrina I want you to know that you mean the world to me, and I don’t know where I’d be if you …yeah…I also what you to know is that no matter what happens. No matter where you go we looking at the same sky at night.

So how is everything? What's going on? How's New York?

-

Sent from my iPod

Hassan Omar Jr

do I deserve??

If I walk away, and pursue this dream, this lifestyle, this way doing things...

If I do what you wanted me to do and do what you can't...

If I walk away from this with my head high...

If I walk my life alone but with my brothers instead of you for now...

If I try my hardest to let you go and move on in ways I never thought...

If I travel the world and see all the things you didnt get to see...

promise me that you'll come back...

I hope that 6 years of work amounts to attaining your heart

I'm still asking myself do I deserve you?

am I worthy?

my answer is always...

no...

-Hazey

I know you still miss me...

beer pong

so last night, well I would be lying to you if I didnt explain everything...

I love beer pong...Im a lefty too...I was playing at my house last night with a few friends...record of 6-2...i lost twice once to david and once to JB....

the past weekend in photos :]
I dont have photos of labor day weekends events but this past weekends should do...enjoy :]

If you look closely in some of the pictures you can see the ball...

Updates

Online classes have begun and Midterms are over...My new job at my old job, I actually like...It is challenging but I like a good challenge its a healthy one I will say...There are still talks of a raise which would be so FUCKING AWESOME :)...

I played another night of Beer Pong hahaha I miss Julian(this is a women btw) and Alan, Dre, everybody man...Hopefully I get to chill with Julian out in Orlando even though her and Alan broke up seeing them both would be cool...

Speaking of Women

I have a new person in my life that I can not say is significant but quite puzzling hahaha...Her Name is dubbed Ms. C not for confusing but that is her codename. Shes 28 as of wednesday no her name isn't dubbed Ms. C cuz she's a cougar HAHAHHAHAHAH....but I will say that she often tells me she feels like a cougar for asking me for my number...She constantly tells me I AM A BABY, yet continuously molests me for hours on end on her couch...puzzling right? She says we can't date because I'm so young yet says we've been on two dates already...none of this has she bothered to confirm with me...now every guy is like what are the real details...Short, 38DD, big butt redbone black girl...no kids, her own car, job, apartment...now my boys tell me thats a GO!!! Hit it and keep her on the team...But sadly I don't want her like that...I know that knowing her and going all the way will happen, me and her cant be just friends...especially since she came to me...not me to her...but its all good i keep my distance...she seems cool but she aint someone I want to keep around...i can tell she would be fun to keep around but my gut's telling me to keep it moving, something don't smell right...and no she doesn't stink...she smells kinda nice actually lol...but my gut says somethings not right sounds like a trap...lol...idk She said we should go to hilton head in your car ill pay for the trip, but we wont be having sex and thats it for one day...why do I run into crazy people??? my car has 150,000 miles on it, its a Ford...and why on earth would i commit to driving for 4 hour there and 4 hours back all in one day...she's paying right? NO she aint bout to kill me for looking at other women!!! 

***

A lady hit my fucking car this past week, minor dent really...im over it already...and I am now the manager of M.O.ET....moving to Orlando is becoming more and more apparent...I wish I knew what to say but I don't...other than I'm excited out my mind but at the same time scared my family is about to fall apart... 

My parents divorce has also be finalized...i guess my dads seeing someone lately, my mom is too...I wonder if in the future they look back on this and regret it? I will say that growing up I saw it coming but regret I could never see... 

Life is getting better and better everyday I guess...now if I can just keep it all together in my head maybe shit will make sense to me one day...

-Hazey

[Closer to my Dreams- Goapele]

So I'm back in school, I have three classes and one is online. It completely kills my plans to take a third on ground class and evening out my work week.I was originally planning on picking up my second job to help me move easier I will attain my Associates degree next quarter :). So next quarter I will be looking to finally transfer out of this damn place. I love Atlanta and my family and my roots being here. I need to leave tho...

I am ready in my mind to move away, i think. I believe I have pushed myself in the right direction with this whole plan of mine to move to another state. Its thrilling in both good and not so good ways. But I know thats exactly what I need tho, to run at full speed...

A bit more of good news, Its looking like they wont be laying me off. I'm not sure if I explained this but when I took my old job(from high school back) I signed a contract to work there for 5 months. I figured a job is better than no job. I took it and its paying okay I guess. I will say that I always kept that in the back of my mind to find a second job. Well as I explained earlier I am to get my associates degree in one quarter including this one. In order to graduate on time I need all 6 of my next classes for that to happen. I was only set up to have just two classes this term. I added on to make it 3 this quarter and 3 next quarter and be done right? So the two next classes i have to take in order but they are only online ARGGHH...

So this means I can not take the chance of working two jobs and having an online class at the same time as 2 on ground classes. To make it worse is the online class is the last half of the quarter, meanings its scheduled at the same time as mid-terms and finals along with final project and papers. So yeah my idea to have a second job got sliced. My job did however pick up a new account that would change my job from healthcare auditing to customer service for Wellcare the health insurance from Medicare, yeah government funded...

With that said a pay increase may come with it as of August 9th so if anything Lifes getting more interesting by the day...

As far as the home front goes my parents are around to the finalization of there divorce...Everything will be different come 9-29-2010...

My car runs better and better everyday :) love my fuckin car...it may not be the newer mustangs with more horses but she stands out on her own...lol


I've got another lonely weekend this weekend so look for posts...

-Hazey

new beginning

Lately my efforts at times seem scattered like they arent focused. My dreams and imagination take me to wild places. My fantansies you wouldn't believe! But its a new start for me, which is what everything is starting to look like. My last 12 months have been crazy but its got me headed in an interesting direction so it seems. My current aspiration is to move to florida and do music with dre and al. I am sure my mom is lookin at me like GOD thank you HE HAS A PLAN...good now get there and make no excuses, I will not accept failure from you. LOL. I'm only 20 I have time. For everything want to do with my life, I will, one way or another. I got some plans in mind and I can feel that I'm about to walk the craziest path of all.

My latest slogan is:
If it wasn't about you then it aint about you now so what is more important than the now? The now leads to the future the thought doesn't...Pay Attention...

My previous slogan was STERICUS ACCIDIT meaning shit happens...yeah that explains the last two years up in just two words...damn...LOL...funny aint it?..that how shit happens when you can't explain it..lol any way I'm out...

Oh?

yeah I forgot...Did I mention the pep in my step these days? yeah I'm busier these days, I'm stuck in cubical telephone hell, my job...So that said my posts might lag a little til things balance out...

-Hazey

I remember

so this beginning portion of this post has absolutely nothing to do with my point...so umm yeah enjoy i guess...

I remember a year ago...
I'd be on my way north right now...Listening to music in my car on 285 cruising at 70 up to alpharetta to see you...My stomach was in knots just thinking about you...I miss my sunday drives after work...going far off to north buttfuck atlanta from an area closer to 1-20 than where I was headed...Dodging cops and on coming traffic...I miss going 25 miles to the one person in atlanta that made me feel completely normal...the last one too...lol...damn I love sundays though no lie...Its like family day at my house...we laugh and joke til about 9:00 then I'm the only one up...so yeah I forgot what I was writing about again...
anyway Today is mothers day...

I got my beloved mother a purse...She loved it by the way which is odd because me and my brother just literally grabbed a black purse at macys and bought it last night...slacking I know!..She loved it for three reasons other than we bought it for her on mothers day...It came with an umbrella, she needed a black purse (we had no idea she needed a black purse btw), and she said we had good taste...UMM YEAH...no comment...

I grilled the best dinner on earth today...Grilled New York Style Cuts with yellow rice. The cool part was the kabobs with mango and pineapples with veges...YUM...I shoulda taken a picture but ahh well...I dont live to take pictures I just like to live...anyway Hope you and yours had a wonderful mothers day...

God Bless

-Hazey

on a brighter note

1. I have a new job _ its my old job, the myers group, I hope it pays better this time around other wise I'm taking my pay check and doing bartender training this summer when school lets out
2. my front yard is being worked on _ my favorite tree was removed :[ and several other trees were chopped down
3. She utilized plan B, to my knowledge _  visit previous post to understand that story...btw there is nothing more awkward/humbling/empowering than being called the devil in the midst of sex...NOTHING!
4. and im finally over my ex girl friend... yeah feels good :D

just a few updates

List coming soon

-Hazey

Truth is

I've been waiting for something for so long. Truth is I'm still waiting...

"Truth is I'm not fully over it. I haven't fully moved on. Words can't express how deeply it hurts that I can't get in touch with you. No amount of words would suffice for the fact that I couldn't even get a Happy birthday from you. But what's worse is that I would forgive you in a heartbeat if you would just call me."

Words from the heart...These words sound like a woman's words to me. They don't sound like words that should come from a man's mouth in my mind. But then again they just did. Maybe that's the masculine side of my brain. I guess they are waiting for me to finally get over them, us, and everything that happened like it never happened. I think they want me to neither want nor ask for there friendship, or even acquaintanceship. I think that they even are waiting for the day that I stop waiting. I'm not sure but I don't really have a choice anyway right?

I know that deep down I don't like this hole in my life. I don't like this painful void within myself that I'm not sure will ever go away. I thought I had closure...I don't...I want something, words, a letter...something to make this feeling finally go away but all I'm left with is silence....

They once said,"...Silence says so much more..."

-Hazey

bit of new news

So I asked one simple question to someone because it seems as though, that no one wants anything to do with me lately. Why I have no clue. So I asked a good friend one simple question

AM I BORING?

She responds: No just lazy.

Hazey: Lazy?!

"Well idk not lazy just laid back, very content"

When she said that, a light bulb went off. Why is it that women always see me as TAKEN. Most likely because I'm not lounging at their clit when I see them or in better words.I seem TOO CONTENT. Which lead me to believe that my whole issue in the past with women is just that FUCKING SIMPLE. Which now after thinking shit through. When a woman said to me "we kinda like to be lusted after" completely makes sense...

*slap on the forehead*

who knew being content was the problem
-Hazey

The confusion of it all

Okay so yet again you've met someone new. At this point in my life I DONTgive a damn who he is. You get a new boyfriend and I literally do the same thing every time...

Size him up, estimate the actual relationship, and keep it moving. Why not to sound conceited or anything but you compare everyone to me. I've never been like this before where I just say what the fuck ever I want to say but, today I'm in that kinda mood. I guess what I'm trying to say is my jealousy doesn't even exist. To be honest with every guy that comes your way I feel more and more disrespected by the fact that not one of em is anything like me yet you do this number...

"He's kinda like you but not really...He has some of your qualities...."

I don't know what any of this means really. Its not like I hear from you very often. Its not we're ever gonna date again either. I guess I have a lot of unfinished business looming out there.

-Hazey

inspiring mother

So I had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine today...check it out...Changed the way I see somethings in life a little...Hope your having a good day today...

12:26pm Hassan
idk its just odd...i feel kinda like everybody dont wanna talk to me or is avoiding me...which may not be the case...im just saying...anyway its been mad long since i last heard from you
12:27pm Jayla
it could be the case but you never know til you confront them or wutever. lately ive been feeling like, im finding out who really cares about me & who is real. but yup, its been a min.
12:27pm Hassan
word...
yeah i know right...really find ou how give a fuck and who dont when shit hit the fan
12:30pm Jayla
yup...some people dont accept shyt for what it really is. let me ask you something....
12:34pm Jayla
if a chick you loved and she wuz wifey type but yall wasnt together...and she ended up getting raped by someone she knew and wuz pregnant. wud yu leave her & just be frienz with her or wud yu stil wife her?
12:35pm Hassan
hmm
before I say anything lemme say this
rape hurts more than just one person
on the same note I would ask how did it happen
not why, just how
and depending on how I felt about the girl would determine my answer
thats not any easy yes or no question
12:37pm Jayla
alright
12:38pm Hassan
that did make sense right?
12:38pm Jayla
yes it did.
12:39pm Hassan
aight cool...dont like confusion
12:42pm Hassan
did that happen to you? if you dont mind me askin?
12:42pm Jayla
yess
12:43pm Hassan
im sorry to hear that
12:43pm Jayla
its okay...dont b sorry.
i stopped talking to the guy & i had my babygirl last thursday. she wuz 3months premature tho.
12:44pm Hassan
aww
damn
you keeping her?
12:44pm Jayla
yess
12:44pm Hassan
wow
says alot about you
12:45pm Jayla
i knew the guy that did it....i havnt talked to him in years before this happened.
wat chu mean?
12:46pm Hassan
just shows ur stronger person than most
12:46pm Jayla
yeah...i really am.
12:47pm Hassan
thats a great thing to have
keep ya chin up
12:49pm Jayla
i feel like, god did it for a reason. he doesnt give what he knows you cant handle. i feel like shes a miracle, shes gunna become somebody i wasnt finna give her away..i wanted to be da one to gi her love
giv*
12:51pm Hassan
thats whats up ma! i feel that
deep as hell
12:52pm Hassan
but yo im gettin off for a lil bit
hit me up sometime dont be a stranger


Nuff Said
-Hazey

the quest to get back to me

Today in English 107 I was asked to summarize the past 10 years of my life in 3-4 sentences. NO more than that!? It got me to thinking really hard about the past 10 years of my life and what was defining. What must I include in this summary. In my mind there was so much I wanted to incorporate, so much to say in just 4 sentences regardless of how many commas, semi-colons; and conjunctions I placed within its borders, would it ever be enough. So in honesty I couldn't. All I could do was cast a shadow over that decade of existence.

Nothing was more important, nothing was less important. Why? Why would I spare the details of all the juicy layers of detail of my life in that summary? Because everything that happened was important to me. From meeting my best friend Dre, to writing my first verse, to the beefs I had with niggas in school, to the lost dreams of that time period, to the crushes that went no where to the women that loved me and disappeared, to my best friends Sabrina whom I hardly hear from, to the gang bullshit I got involved in, to losing my way and losing my faith, to following the dirt road the long way home, to my first job, my second job, my thrid job, graduating, starting college, my family, living in the first house ive ever lived in, to my music tech class that changed my world, to the blunts passed to me by a girl, from partying all weekend long to the days where no one called at all, My parents decline through the whole decade and how much that shaped me, to my most recent car accident(FYI MOST OF THIS IS NOT IN ORDER)..There is so much for me to talk about that not one of these instances was more important than the other in my life. I gotta say I wish I had taken more time to write all of it down so that I could laugh at it later. I have to say I have the best regrets in life. So far...

I wish I had taken pictures

-Hazey

the mini panic/ realization

So lifes been good just every still frustrating. School has started back up and everything, classes don't seem to crazy. No complaints really. JUST ONE.

Waiting for a check from the Department of labor is slowly killing me. I almost took my old job back. I even called around to see if I can get it back. Now, before you assume, no I won't be delivering again( i would never find insurance ) I'd be an assistant manager. I don't want that job. Its three times the stress for a 3 dollar pay increase...

Yesterday I was frustrated beyond belief over the fact that I still am not where I wanna be. To get where I wanna be I need a little money. I'm stubborn and an ass and refuse to ask for money from anyone. So I tried to develop a side hustle. It fell through and left me frustrated even more. I'm still working on the whole grace under pressure thing lol. I called my old job asked if I could still be an assistant manager, he told me to call the DM, he tells me reapply and call me back. I say okay.

My mom is looking at me like I got my head cut off or something when I told her. She said aren't you collecting unemployment? I said yeah but I don't want a hand out, I want my money that I earned. She says I'm trippin. LOL. Thats mum for ya right? So I even talk to some of my friends and they are all telling me to chill the hell out.

It was at this point I realized I don't handle dependency or even pressure that doesn't exist very well.


_________________*********************************_______________*********************************


Any-who, I don't do much soul searching anymore. Its strange really. I have this friend and she is literally me as I was last year. Its kind of strange to see that. Like I hear myself saying things to her the way they were said to me, I didn't understand them then. I understand the true meaning and value of the words now. She over analyzes things, thinks FAR TOO MUCH, and dare I say it...na I won't. lol Anyway Its just funny to see how life, God, and Karma play out in life. Maybe its just me who sees it but hey its interesting to see myself within another person. What's even more interesting is knowing that it was and I was just a phase to someone else.


This is just a catch entry I'll return with more juicy stories later ;)
-Hazey

Temptation

Like chocolates after taste
You are the lust after first base
The love below shows on your face
Glowing as bright as star dust in space
Eyes black holes who erase the past
Missing you is impossible the way it lasts
The way we laugh through the darkness
Your smile is as crooked as the apartments
Of Brooklyn, Chicago,or even Bowen homes
You are the apple of my lust when we're all alone...

-Hazey

Just a few Updates

Feel free to leave a comment containing nothing but complete and utter laughter because even as I write this I'm laughing....


Ladies and Gentlemen I have finally found a car(my mom also got one too*shruggs*)

On Monday of this week I purchased my childhood dream car since I was like 6. When I was 6 my father bought me all kinds of things to accommodate his frequent absences, by the way it didn't help to much because when he was around he never wanted nor did he do anything but bitch and fuss, My family was a military family so I lived on Army bases or in towns near bases a lot. One of the many items I got was a yellow remote controlled car. It was a 95 mustang. To this day I still remember how cool it looked. Now 14 some odd years later I now own, with title, my very own 95 mustang 3.8L V6....lemme repeat that first part MUSTANG.



I love my car, nuff said. I think I'm gonna call her one of two things Bbz or DK. Bbz(pronounced bebez) just rolls off the tongue man. DK stands for Dark Knight for being black like the bat mobile and literally dark as NIGHT. What do you think?


She cost me $2300 not including the annoying pain in the ass things ive had to do to make her more awesome. On Tuesday I placed the rear struts.

Okay here's a good little story for you. To replace the struts on a car you have to relieve the pressure from the struts in order to remove them. Or else they will explode. Ladies and Gentlemen I knew I needed new struts but damn! When i attempted. to remove the struts they exploded on me anyway. The bolts on it were so old that the turned the nut they were attached to in unison. SO yeah I try to use bolt cutters, didn't work, I tried using penetrating liquid, didn't work I even tried clamping on end and spinning another, didn't work, I then had my neighbor; whom by the way I've lived across the street from going on about 4-5 years now and have never seen nor spoken to face to face before; to come helpe me remove this old bolt. Yeah he pulled out a fucking SAW and cut em off.

0_o?

yeah...

then didn't leave when the job was done just stood around with his saw in his hand as I removed the parts from my car and cleaned up. He was cool, minus the saw in hand and standing around creepily.

On wednesday I decided not to pull a DIY'er (do it yourself'er) I took it to midas to do my brakes because they made a weird pulling sensation in the rear. Yeah I did the struts right, the brakes however I don't fucks wit, lol. I waited their for about 4 hours. He replaced the rotors and checked everything else out for me as well.

So today ladies and gentlemen I am riding just fine. Perfect brakes, no sagging due to old struts. NADA. I fuck up and let the window down. It wont come back up. *PSSSHHH
I was like no sweat right it shouldn't be too hard to release the glass and pull it up right?? RIGHT? Wrong! I pratically wanted to shoot myself for that. So now I have a guy coming tomorrow to fix the window. Never mind that, heres the BEAUTIFUL PART ABOUT MY BELOVED CAR. I've put a radio in before not too too hard. Little did I know that the radio I have which pushes out more Wattage than the installed one the previous owner had in it, nope it blows the fuse to three, not one not two but three very important gages.

Now thank God its just a fuse, but man has it been tough so far. Rewarding! but tough. Today while heading to get my uncle from the train station going God knows how fast on the highway, and I mean that literally. I looked down and noticed my speedometer isn't working, my odometer is moving and my clock is off. So now I have no stereo, no milage, no speed reading, and I'm passing a police station and jail...


yeah...i bought fuses but this week has been tiresome.

much love to you all man

-Hazey

PS. if you can tell me Lucy is behind Bbz/DK in the garage :/

have a blessed weekend!

The Lesson learned...

FUCK EVERYBODY! First of all, minus my awesome blog readers of COURSE!

I've learned my damn lesson. I am so tired of relying on ANYBODY FOR ANY DAMN THING!
FUCK THAT SHIT!

I have a few good friends that can help me out in the clutch but damnit waiting on people, expecting people to do right is not something I can ever do again. Shit I'm not perfect I fuck up, shit who doesn't, I may need help every now and then but for the most part I have never truly relied on anyone. Losing my car meant losing the most valuable thing possible to me. MY FUCKING I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-C-E.

The part that makes me the man I am. My voice, my ability, yes I can be lazy, yes I can foolish, I can be emotionally needy at times, but who isn't? Shit even dogs need to be patted on the head every now and then just to get on with their days. Today was the last straw for me. I've been outta work for a month tomorrow. I haven't driven a car since either. Its killing me inside. I now know what my EX truly meant about her independence.

At first my heart hurt over my car being totaled and no longer having a car. Then not having a job. Next not having any more money. But today sitting at home having no way to get where I need to go ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN has me at my boiling point. So its back to having my life in my own hands. Fuck this bull shit.

I have so much to do at school. So my plan was

• Get on MARTA get to school
• Speak with Dr. Ferguson
• Get student Accounts to sign my paperwork
• Scan a document needed for my police work class
• and mail my documents to the D.O.L.(department of labor)

But as we all know, Man makes plans and God Laughs...

No One Can get me to the TRAIN STATION!!!!!!!!!
I've since found a solution to my problem...
Sorry for venting on here but I had to...

Much Love
-HaZey

formspring...

so i've caved and created a formspring....

ask me anything

http://www.formspring.me/Hazey2890

-HaZey