Just so I can Sleep(Case Closed)

For the past few weeks now I've been sick and shut in. The recent lose in my family is very bothersome I will say. We hate that he's gone. I'm blown away really.

As much as I want to make this post about him and the memory of him I can't (the post After this one will be in memory of him :] ). I've pretty much lost a large chunk of faith in people in general.

So everyone forgive me for what is being said here but I need to get this off my chest. These words are much more than anybody would ever deserve.

Yesterday was a very powerful day for me. I was up and full of energy after a very uncomfortable morning. My cousin had me look into a girl who says we go to the same school. I decided to say whats up since she was talking to my cousin and why not I might be able to hang out with a few new people in the process right? Well the first sign to me that this was a THE DUMBEST BITCH I've ever had the gracious opportunity to speak to was on Facebook. She argued with me about what credits transfer and what credits don't from our school. She says to me none of our credits transfer that's how they keep you at our school and that she checked. Never mind I investigated at a few select schools and my credits DO in fact transfer. I let it go said hey we should chill when we're both on campus. I asked her how long had she been at my school. She said three months! I was like okay that's strike two! HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GONNA ARGUE WITH ME ABOUT YOUR CREDITS TRANSFERRING, WHEN YOU JUST GOT TO THE GOTDAMN SCHOOL!

*clears throat* I said oh I've been here almost two years. She's like damn wasted credits if your tracsferring. I also let that shit go. She then proceeds to give me her number saying she's got to go and calls me a cutie. [not to sound like my head got big but after two strikes she needed something to keep her as atleast a friend] I was okay I'll ttyl. She says text me now I can't find my phone I do. She then proceeds to tell me she's going on a date. I'm like oh thats whats up. I didn't care I don't want the girl she's not my type.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THIS BITCH TEXTED ME THROUGH HER WHOLE FUCKING DATE!

She tells me she met the guy at a bar(she's only 19) and was kinda drunk. I'm thinking Strike 3. First of all if you find it in the club leave it at the club don't date it! Now she tells me he's fugly, sorry but i laughed so damn hard at this dumb bitch. I ask where did he take you and wow you were so drunk that you didn't remember him being ugly. She says Barncles. I'm 20 in less than 28 days :] and I know, I KNOW that barncles is a fucking sports bar that guys between 28-50 go to on the weekends to avoid their wives. I ask her how old is he and he sounds cheap. She says 35, I'll repeat that again 35! SHE'S 19(her birthdays in september *cough*)

Now anyone with their right state of mind KNOWS that if you don't remember what they look like why date them? I asked her did you know this prior to your date. She says NO. Strike 4 and 5 yes people she gets 2 strikes for that dumb shit. If you don't know this man, don't remember what he looks like and don't know his age and STILL PROCEED TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH HIM?! You ma'am are a dumb bitch.

*Clears throat*

I laughed at this bitch. She then proceeds to call me. I was in the shower I text her back and said you rang? She says you couldn't call me back. [I'm wet, naked and in a towel.] My mom proceeds to tell me the horrible news of my 5 year old cousin Sean's death today. I just stop talking to her. She texts me again. I say I'm going to bed I have a migrane and my cousin has just died. She texts me WHAT. I repeat the damn text message because apparently she's illiterate too.

I then need to go down stairs and speak to my cousin to see if he knows. She messages me on facebook saying, migrane huh? lose my number. I say IDK what to say to you really my cousins dead but okay I will. She says damn, Fuck You. You are a Liar.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THIS, THIS VERY MOMENT IN TIME HURT MY SOUL ALMOST AS MUCH AS THE NEWS ITSELF.

She says lose my number and stop talking to me go fuck yourself. I was kinda feeling you up until now. You've been cool all day until now.[hmmmm I WONDER WHY?! and I wasn't feeling you like that, nor was I talking to you like that from the jump bitch I DON'T KNOW YOU LIKE THAT NOR AM I ATTRACTED TO YOU IN THAT MANNER, and you have too many strikes on your record for just meeting you.]

What is the world coming to when a person can accuse me of lying about the death of a little boy to whom I'm related and seen him grow? He was only 5, he was born with two lungs but only one works the other didn't develop. He wasn't supposed to have made to kindergarten. But he was a fighter and he made it to school, it just kills me inside...

I'll talk about my cousin later. For now FUCK DUMB BITCHES FA REAL, dumb bitches are the last thing I want to deal with in the midst of such a lose in my family...

*sigh*
Case Closed Next!
-Hazey

to my readers

Dear readers,

At the moment I'm at a complete lose for words. My much younger cousin has passed away. He was 5. I'm at a lose for words...

Life is precious, enjoy every moment, laugh when you can, smile when you don't have to, tell the ones you love that you love them everyday, God is real....

-Hazey

Everyone has problems

I have to make room for this thought Ill post it a lil later. I must say my brother is my biggest worry. I see black men everyday go to jail, looking up to drug dealers, and seeing sports, drug dealing, and rapping as the only ways to become successful...and many women still idealize that...I just dont wanna lose him in everyway you know....

to be continued

Hazey's list

Its about 1:15 am est here in Atlanta, Ga. If you haven't seen on the news, its very fuckin cold out side lol. I'm sick and have been sick now since Christmas fuckin day. I went to the Dr./ Clinic seeing as how my regular psychisian was thriple booked on New Years Eve when I found Blood in my mucus. So now I'm finding it impossible to sleep, I can eat but my favorite pass time SLEEP is basically an up hill stream and I aint got a paddle. So I got out of bed and decided to write to all those people out there how read my Blog, ( thanks for reading btw :] ). So after veiwing a very interesting persons blog today I decided that I should make a list of everything I want to do before I die. Gotta say its kinda exciting when I think about it.


This is Hazey's List:

1. Visit New Zealand
2. Visit Australia
3. Speak Fluent Spanish by the age of 24
4. Begin to learn Arabic, Japanese, and French by 26(yeah I'm aiming high bitch)
5. Graduate from College and begin a masters program somewhere.
6. OWN MY OWN APARTMENT!
7. Finally get my German Shepard
8. Add 50 lbs. of muscle to this frame of mine(I'll fill you guys in on that a bit later)
9. Get my full back custom Tattoo
10. Own a two seater car and a Chopper
11. Travel the world!
12. Learn three different types of Martial Arts from their places of ORIGIN
13. Learn to play the Guitar( this includes: bass, acoustic, and electric)
14. Learn to play the Drums as well
15. Relearn to play the Sax and French horn also Trumpet
16. Live outside the US for a 7 years
17. Get duel citizenship to another country
18. Get lost in the world for a while
19. Return to the US and have thousands of pictures to share with my family and friends
20. One day start my own family
    

2010 and whats to come

As many of you may know,
I am placing my ducks in line so that I can go off to school else where. With so much going on at home, I've honestly lost time to focus on anyone, anything, or anybody but my mom and brother. Christmas was awesome, I managed to save $300 to spend on them this year BY MY SELF :) and still be able to travel to north GA and south GA throughout the holidays without spending any of that saved money. I was proud of myself on that achievement. My money is starting to look right and my heart's full again.

Over the past few months I've been focusing on who is most important in my life, my FAM and FRIENDS. I have to say its probably the most rewarding thing I've ever done. Its been a long time since I've last been able to say this and know its here to stay, but...I'm happy with the way my life is. I mean sure yeah I'm single but honestly another person in my life right now is a bad idea. I've dated like 4-5 girls but I'm good without all that. My mother is dating now, well sorta, I think she likes this one guy and he's always talking to her but I'm hoping she doesn't get wrapped up. She's smart I have some faith in her abilities to not let things get too far.

Anyway I'm focused on school once more LIKE I always should be. During my somewhat of a break from life and all responsibilities itself moment I realized that I had been hoping for a chance to better myself and my situation(better job and move out) and I always had that chance sitting in front of me I just chose to ignore it. I realized that if I get myself together and get my mind focused I can do that while my dumb ass is in school! It took me two years after high school to realize that?! Yeah you can laugh at me if you want, I don't mind, I was pissed when I figured that one out anyway.

On another hand, Wonderland, Philipino, Salvy, and the other two which I won't name are out of the picture. THANK GOD! They were all, sorry to bash them but, kinda slow. Well wonderland was smart and the chemistry was there just she and I will never happen, well not any time soon I should say.

This poem underneath is what I've been conduring up to say to my mother when I do finally leave between april and july 2010.

I know it's been a while since Ive lasted posted to the world
so today I thought I'd start by thanking the most important girl
life has taken off for the both of us mama
and lil man is tryna come up and be a man
lookin at me 3-80s like imma oozi or llama, damn
yeah even though his daddy's gone
that didn't stop us having a fucking happy home
on christmas we went oh so crazy
on new years you even had a toast with ya babys
outside its always chilly or even blistering
walk inside and conversations are blooming, i hope your listening

I haven't written in a while, it wasn't supposed to be this way
I'm about to catch a flight and i think the tickets one way
just understand that in my heart both of you will stay
to be a man of creditability is what I'm striving to be some day
a man a of caliber in your eyes is something I want you say
and understand that you did your eldest son the right way
and losing faith in tomorrow is not an option for us
lil man is growing fast and to be a great for him is a must
its in his eyes I can see it he wants so much and to be it
it in which is a man of trust, a man of strength something we never had with us
I wanna leave and come back an example of how to live and how to be, not who it is we are without, but...

like you said mom its our year
I promise you no more sad nights wiping your tears
I got some goals to achieve and enemy's to slay
shooting down my fears and show the world I'm not here to play
I'm here to stand tall and mothafuckin ball
I may leave you soon but it aint forever, just know Imma always call
and when the seasons right we're gonna be a fam again thats my word
but for now its au revoir I gotta story to tell like they've neva heard
to pursue my dreams through whatever art form I can manifest in verbs
just know I gonna make you proud mama take that as my word....
-Hazey