when i need a reminder

this post was actually going to be a long drawn out compliant about my life and it s frustrations but instead im going curve this muthafucka and take a look at the people, the moments, and the opportunities being handed to me by God

• I have gained 5 of the best friends I'll probably ever have as an adult
• I have gained a sense of self
• I have gained a standing point for who I am mentally, emotionally, and spiritually
• I have gained a stronger bound with my mother and even stronger bound with my brother
• I have become closer to my friends than I ever have before
• I understand my own thought patterns
• no kids
• no criminal record
• a job(which i will soon be quitting :])
• good health
• good looks(i have an ego too you know)
• and EVERY MOMENT  IN MY LIFE that has improved my life thus far(travel, education, certain people)
• I have gained a car that I will most likely have until i am much older
• I have gained the chance to break new grounds on who i am as a person in another state
• I have gained a much broader picture of what it takes to really be successful in life
• I have learned so much about myself since graduation that this move to NY on the 9th of August(bought my ticket saturday the 9th of July)

though I may feel as though i am failing at it now, i know with God my path is only bound to be an enlightening one...

In this life I have been asking for too little which is why I am always disappointed in the outcome of things, I learned to ask for more than what you want, because that way you are more likely to get exactly what you want...

i have much to complain about, but in the bigger picture of things its small...very small compared to literally anyone... I could complain about my job, my pay, my lack of the ability to save a dime, my excessive drinking and smoking, my paranoia with moving, my guilt when it comes to my mom and bro, etc!


But tonight I'm just going to say Thank You! and remember the list up there
-Hazey

Marley

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

Was it the weed or the fact that he was truly brilliant? I for one believe it was both...lol
How can I forget someone who gave me so much to remember? I can't, I won't, and after reading this I accept that. :] If the same doesn't go both ways then that is their lose because for them all I have are fond memories...

Anyway,
Life gets hard but every day I learn something new about myself. There was a quote I read somewhere and I can not remember for the life of me but it went like this,

"Whenever you realize there's nothing you can do, wait. You may discover that the reason for waiting was all for your benefit, because you're the one who needed to change"

Lately I realized that I've slowly been taking life by the horns and steering the bull. I'm not fully ready to drive my own bull yet. I need to slow down, my recent frustrations over my water-pump fiasco shed some light on the future of me and my life in a way. How I can do this all I have to do is get myself there, calmly and steadily. *deep breathe*

 My car was overheating yesterday everyone, yes I know I know, me and cars don't mesh well...lol She needs a new water-pump. I coordinated the whole transporting of my vehicle to the best location and repairs at the best price. I did all of which on stolen hotel internet ;]. My overall fees total my whole first pay check. It pains me to the core to lose my first paycheck ($504.48) the whole damned thing to my car but I also have to be thankful that I had the money to get the repairs in the first place. This quote I found today now that I spoke to the person I have no idea where it truly came from it was in her book.

I'm not having the best week but I will make the best of it regardless.

God Bless
-Hazey

PS- Lately I've noticed the changes in me are even in my posts...Guess you could say I found my way back to God on 2-12-2010

deadly plea

Call this message a death note
begging god to kill me, suddenly close my throat
my heart is fuckin' weary so very hard to cope
there's no one left here to hear me, please send this last note
Tears run outta my eyes and nothing to catch em with
No time for jokes or wit
I swear god come get me I can't take it here no more
I know the heavenly gates aren't open but please make room for one more
And if not in your hands then send me to the other man
I feel it suits me much better, black clothes and wasted lands
fire brewing as far as I can see
burning for the rest of eternity, so much better than trying to sleep
I been asking you to kill me for quite a long while
Rain, sleet or snow Father please come get your broken child
Black heart and no play is keeping me at bay
If not kill me at least send me some way
to look in someone eyes and see some kinda of hope
give me a baby girl, through her I'll learn to cope
Worth more to the world than pure gold,
Her value unlimited I swear I'll never spend it
If I can't have that, then I don't wanna be alone crying in Lenox...lenox...lenox

[I'm not suicidal...]