I hate when I remember to remember you

I decided to think of you today...
and all the crap you would say...
the cheap shots you would take,
at my pride to put a smile on your face...
the memories of the way,
the sunlight hit your face...
it makes me angry now in every way...
I guess its just like they used to say...
train tracks go both fucking ways......

-Hazey

The version my mind really originally wrote

I decided to think of you today...
and all the things you would say...
the shots you would take,
to put a smile on my face...
the memories of the way,
the sunlight hit your face...
it made me smile in every way...
I guess its just like I always say...
I decided to think of you today...
but train tracks go both fucking ways...
don't they?
yes train tracks do go both fucking ways...
I guess its just like they used to say...
everything that you you used to say...
it makes me angry now in every way...
the way sunlight used to hit your face...
the memories still stay and never fade,
the cheap shots you would take,
at my pride to put a smile on your face...
and all the crap you used to say...
yeah....I decided to think of you today...

-Oso

My thoughts on Haiti

This may offend some people and to some it may not...just a warning.

I have a close friend whom is Haitian...actually I have two. My friends are all mostly from Latin American countries and/or Caribbean countries. So I'm going to make this very brief, Why on earth does it take a Disaster for America to see the rest of the world and decide to do something?


-Nuff Said

insanity

I once expected something and now I expect nothing
hoping something will change and I won't be running
This air I can't breathe, its too toxic for me
without those missing parts of you, I see
to do the same things, repeatedly, is the definition of insanity,
in hopes of a different outcome, sadly is my reality
With words of pure emotion, Chickasaw style of smoking
inhaling the leaves of trees, I stay choking
my mind races with the hope that it'll change
so I dial you again, and what happens? the same thangs...

-Hazey

Updates

So far things are going great for me this year I can't complain. I have road blocks of course but who doesn't. I AM FINALLY ILLNESS FREE! Its been a month since I've felt this good so its good to wake up with a bit of energy. My birthday is rolling around in two weeks.[insert big kool-aid smile here]
I am on campus at my school again, no real friends yet but that doesn't really matter to me. I'm getting my documents together so I can transfer after this quarter is over. My mothers credit score is back up a lil so she can now help me with school if I need her. I have a different outlook on life now. Its a new feeling, to be honest I never really get excited about anything. So I'm excited for what's in store for me this year and next year.
I have a Valentines Day Date, I gotta say my mom thought it was crazy how I'm locked in for V-day already lol. I won't say that me and this woman will go anywhere with this but hey I'm down for the ride. Me and Wonderland aren't dating anymore :/ but hey me and V-day girl should be interesting.
I'm reading a book by Sistah Souljah and man I gotta say, my mom really knows me well. I bought her the book for christmas and she turned around and told me(after reading the book) to read it, I would like it. Those of you who may know me on a more personal level know I don't really read to many books, let alone go to a library. This book is really good though. It sheds some light on my fathers side of the family a bit more in a religious aspect, and yet reveals how I think at the same time. Its crazy. Anyway The books called Midnight by Sistah Souljah Check it out yo.
I have more indepth things to say about V-day girl, school so far, and my day to day stuff to say but ill save it for later...

thats all for now...
Peace and Much love to ya!


-Hazey

Idk

I'm bored, kinda bummed, and well...i say this feeling extremely vulnerable about it...lonely...

so Here are a few selections from my past that I'm not sure made it to the Blog yet...memories can be kinda painful...anyway enjoy

Words I try to remember...(2008)

"You aren't going to be her 1st, her last, or her only... she's loved before; she will love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect - you're not either. If she can make you laugh and if she admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her and give her the most you can. She's not going to be thinking about you every moment of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you CAN break - her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad and miss her when she's not there. Because perfect girls don't exist, but there's always ONE girl that is perfect for you"- anonymous

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To a former lover(2008)

When your phone rings do you hope its me?/
When you look me in the eye, who do you see/
I'm not hard to please/
As you can plainly see/ [lol]
From the pineapples to the step brothers/ [^ ^]
the various shit to yo stomach/
I keep it 100, and thats just the simple truth/
sayin what i mean and meanin what i say to you,/
is all the really matters when you smile/
laugh and giggle, only known you a while/

________________________________________________________________________________________________

To a Painful memory*(2008)

You, You are the reason,
that I dont believe in finding the love that I need and.
You are the reason,
i'm not dropping to my knees and.
You are the feeling,
that what i need is the real thing and.
And you are the reason,
that a smile left my face.
You became the reason,
that i write name on ever place.
Stop talking of her,
and put your name in her place.
You are the reason,
I find it hard to sleep at night and,
when your near i find it hard to say whats really right,

So i stay quiet and trapped within my mind.
theres no one to really talk to in there.
just like on the outside

[* I think this one has a few words I still feel today *]

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One Sided(2008)

I try and try yet can seem to figure out-
if the woman of dreams is really what i’m about-
i love her and i tell everyday-
but the issue is now idk if she even feels the same way-
i’m the only saying it-
man joe aint that some shit-
got damn i’m still all torn up inside about this bitch-
got damn joe i love her and think thats it-
i care to much and theres the problem right there-
since i care to much i cant pretend to not even care-
so with that being said i will vanish into thin air-
fuck it, fuck love, and fuck life itself-
i’m always the one getting the belt-
they walk away unharmed even in the slightest-
i hate who am i now and that shit i mean to tee-
yes becuz of a girl i now hate me-
i feel like she wants another-
i feel like she found another lover-
and all i am is a ride-
fuck joe, i got that torn feeling inside-
and you can tell when you look me in the eyes-
that my pride has taken a dive-
and soul ready to die-
and my heart speaks what my eyes cant cry

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

That Feeling(2008)

That uneasy feeling deep in ya gut/
Like you may have just fucked something up/
Your heart races/
Your hand paces/
Your mind traces/
Everything you ever said/
So you just lay there staring at their number laying in bed/

You feel like your fucking up/
Your heart beats' still/
Your back's got chills/
Emotionally your shooken up/
Kinda paranoid wondering what the answers gon' be/
Are gon' stick by my side or are you gon' leave?/
Man I get the verdict and it can't be/
The only time I'm truly happy is in my dreams/
I fall asleep on time, ready to die, ready to leave/
My dreams are happy they are where I wanna be/
I awake late, tired, and unhappy/
Then the pain kicks in/
My mind bends/
My world spins/
And I really can't comprehend/
Why I feel this feeling in my chest/
How long must I wait to get rid of this weakness/
How long must I suffer through such heartache and distress/

That uneasy feeling deep in ya gut/
Like you may have just fucked something up/
Your heart races/
Your hand paces/
Your mind traces/
Everything you ever said/
So you just lay there staring at their number laying in bed/
And for some reason you know its over but you can't get them out of your head/

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Last one I promise lol at least for tonight

My angel(2006)

you call me your angel/
well then your my passion/
you keep me from catchin' hell/
your my purpose and my mission/
your my soul,..no your my heart/
you drive everything/
your what i think about in the mornin' when i start/
so in a since if im your angel then u r what keeps me living/

Anyway thats all I have tonight...leave some love yo...

much love to ya

-Hazey