The Lesson learned...

FUCK EVERYBODY! First of all, minus my awesome blog readers of COURSE!

I've learned my damn lesson. I am so tired of relying on ANYBODY FOR ANY DAMN THING!
FUCK THAT SHIT!

I have a few good friends that can help me out in the clutch but damnit waiting on people, expecting people to do right is not something I can ever do again. Shit I'm not perfect I fuck up, shit who doesn't, I may need help every now and then but for the most part I have never truly relied on anyone. Losing my car meant losing the most valuable thing possible to me. MY FUCKING I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-C-E.

The part that makes me the man I am. My voice, my ability, yes I can be lazy, yes I can foolish, I can be emotionally needy at times, but who isn't? Shit even dogs need to be patted on the head every now and then just to get on with their days. Today was the last straw for me. I've been outta work for a month tomorrow. I haven't driven a car since either. Its killing me inside. I now know what my EX truly meant about her independence.

At first my heart hurt over my car being totaled and no longer having a car. Then not having a job. Next not having any more money. But today sitting at home having no way to get where I need to go ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN has me at my boiling point. So its back to having my life in my own hands. Fuck this bull shit.

I have so much to do at school. So my plan was

• Get on MARTA get to school
• Speak with Dr. Ferguson
• Get student Accounts to sign my paperwork
• Scan a document needed for my police work class
• and mail my documents to the D.O.L.(department of labor)

But as we all know, Man makes plans and God Laughs...

No One Can get me to the TRAIN STATION!!!!!!!!!
I've since found a solution to my problem...
Sorry for venting on here but I had to...

Much Love
-HaZey

formspring...

so i've caved and created a formspring....

ask me anything

http://www.formspring.me/Hazey2890

-HaZey

unsure

This post is called unsure for a good reason

Lately I've been, well I'll correct those words, for quite some time now(lol) I haven't been quite sure of a lot of things in my life.

• Like why am I subjected to situations that constantly make me hear a former lovers words and understanding the full meaning behind them?
• Why did I chose this major again?
• What did I do to deserve this, losing my car?[Apparently my mission here on earth isn't done because I'm still here]
• Why do I keep meeting dumb women?[lol]
• Or worse, why do I keep meeting women whom I can't have or that I shouldn't even want?
• Where do I go from here?

So to clarify for you, My most recent ex, she left a mark on me that I don't even believe she realizes how deep it was. The situations she was forced into I keep finding myself in her shoes in my day to day life, like someone's trying to make me see something. I know what I've said and what I thought and felt deep down, but what's the point of this lesson if she and I aren't well, lets just say somethings never come back. Edge of Desire by John Mayer is playing right now, "I want you so bad, I'll go back on the things I believed,
There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me."

I hate police work, I've been in this major now for almost a year, I HATE IT. Its so fucking stupid, along with this school. So lets just say I'm going to do what I must to get the hell out. I'm still aiming for New York and/or Florida. I have plans but as they say people make plans while God laughs.

The accident has put me so far behind in my mind. Its made me dependent which I can't stand. I haven't truly needed anybody for a long time, I can't lie sometimes I made bad decisions that forced me to stick my hand out. I smoked everyday just to sleep. I quit for about two months and had such trouble sleeping. I was buying once a week to sustain me. I can't front it was a bad habit, but somethings gotta give when your minds forced to think under stronger gravity. Since the accident I've quit. The one thing I'm waiting for now is the ability to sleep normally, I still stay up to 3-4 am even if I'm tired. I wake up everyday at 8:30-45 ITS WEIRD!

Okay when I say dumb women I mean a woman who has the nerve to have a boyfriend at home, is going on a date with someone else while her man is at work and hits me up for sex. That kind of dumb. I think I've said enough on this subject.

Women I can't have, I'll save this subject for another day.

What now?
I got unemployment, I should be getting a car very very soon hahah yeah Ive been saying that for how long now? Anyway I'm just happy somethings giving slowly but surely somethings giving.

Have you ever felt like you and another person are doing the exact same thing to each other? Keeping up with someone else but with no words? Like you secretly check up on them regardless of what's going on in your life? Like they still matter to you but you say nothing making seem as though you don't care?

-Hazey

Until the end of time

I remember the way that summer smelled,
the fragrance still lingers in the air.
I still remember the color of your eyes,
and the way the appeared to care.
The words of love that tricked me,
and the knife you used to rip me apart.
Green eyes and red hair should've been a sign,
that you were poison from the start.
The song you played to make me believe,
that somewhere deep down you had what it would take.
You made me believe in hope and love again,
sadly you were always nothing short of a mistake.

-Until the end of time

to anyone who dares stroll down memory lane, do NOT expect NOT to trip and fall and NOT get caught up in the details...I read today that behind every guy or girl that has trust issues is an EX that made them that way. I gotta say that scar still hasn't fully healed. People amaze me, They say one thing and do another. I wonder if I'm the same damn way? In all honesty I probably am. Shit, I am human right? Cut me I bleed, give me air I breathe, open old wounds and I'll tell you a story.

-Hazey

idk...yet again

its kinda like a story that the hood sung
any day spent above ground is a good one
and any gun that don't cram in a jam is good one
and if the freak is unique best believe shes a loose one
maybe just a fact but these words are for you
watch everybody even them niggas on the stoop
keep ya eyes open to the niggas in ya circle
they know too much, bes believe theyll hurt you
ya enemies aint dumb, so without a fight, wars won
and if that pussy talk stupid, just reply with ya gun
death aint the answer, its also not a threat
just a judgment call to keep them lames in check
I told Boogs from the X, hold me down with the teks
I got mean streak ye digg thats yet to be seen
with an eye of the wolf focused on my green
with the heart of the bear I grip everything here
MOETTTAA MOTHAFUCKA! Yup Yup we in Here!

-Hazey